Need to vent (CD-related!)

[gravymommy3]

I need to get this off my chest before I explode. Thanks in advance for listening.

I have a so-called "friend" (this is the same one who berates me for still nursing my DD) who I was talking to the other day, and I let it slip that I am now CDing DD. First, she points out that by 16 months her DD was potty-trained (she is a bit of a control-freak, I might add). Then she says something to the effect that sposies have a lining so the baby won't sit around in pee all day and that cloth does not and that it must be bad for DD's buttbutt! I told her about microfleece liners and how I was not thrilled with the gel gunk I was always finding on DD.

Why is it that some people can always find a way to make others feel wrong or defensive? I mean, I certainly don't berate her (at least not to her face!) for some of her choices in life (like, say, WIC fraud and putting her kids in 10 yo car seats she bought from flea markets when she and her DH go out and spent $100 on a meal.

I guess I am going to have to hook up the caller ID box again and ignore her. Thanks for letting me vent!!!

[RiaHannam]

Hi Amy,

I've learned that when people do things like that it is because they are being defensive about something. She obviously feels a bit threatened by your choices (Cd, nursing, etc) and must cut you down a bit so she can even deal with you!

So let it go and just know you've made a heck of an impression on her. Actions speak much louder than words.....

Maria

EDD 5/9 w/#4!

[nohomama]

No matter how crazy making those kind of interactions are, I've found that just letting comments like that go is best for my sanity. I can't even coun't the number of times I've rehashed "friendly" debates only to come up with the perfect retort days latter, proving only to make me more nuts because I didn't come up with it at the time.

Ironically, in recent years I've found the best response to comments like that is something to the effect of "to each his own" or "I don't happen to agree." Remarks to that effect are a polite way of cutting people off and saying "discussion over" before it becomes ugly.

Ultimately though, if you're happy doing what your doing, you don't have to justify it to friend or foe. It's what works for you.

[egoldber]

I agree with Sarah that in general it is best to ignore these types of comments. I don't really "announce" that I CD to people, but when it becomes obvious (I change DD in front of someone, the subject of what diapers work for you comes up, etc.) the reactions are almost comical at times. My most common response seems to be "Wow!" followed by many quizzical looks!

[Kate888]

I know how you feel, Amy! Lots of my friends think I'm nuts CDing Maya ("only old, old women would do that"). That's why I so want to get the advocacy T shirts for Maya, but haven't done so. Maria is right, sometimes people do this because they feel defensive or maybe guilty about what you're doing. Most of the time, I just ignore and try to feel good about being different :)

Cheer up sister :)


Kate
Mama to Maya 2-17-02

[mama2be]

Amy Sarah and Beth's advice is better than what I would do so let me start off with that...because I would give her a dose of her own medicine and I think I'd mention the car seats...BUT anyway again that's not the best advice...I just know me and suspect that is what I'd do.

Sarah was so right to say "to each his own" that is a great line...I know at work I used to use "lets agree to disagree" when I felt it needed. It is a safe way to cut it...

EDited to say as we get older I notice I don't have time for friends who I really don't like being around. It is such a great feeling if a relationship is to high maintance or leaves me second guessing I don't care as much anymore...it sounds like you are getting to this point with this gal!!!

[Calmegja]

"as we get older I notice that I don't have time for friends I really don't like being around"....

Exactly. It took me a long time to learn that lesson, but I think I've finally got it memorized. I don't waste my time anymore, and I've mastered caller id scanning and blank stares, to be used when necessary.

There's nothing wrong with healthy disagreement. But the territory you're talking about...that's just too much to ask of anyone. The carseat thing alone would keep me up at nights......

[gravymommy3]

Thanks guys! I feel better. Even though I have known this person since I was 5, it is apparant to me that this is a relationship that I have going to have to let go of. I cannot stomach a lot of things she does and a lot of the choices she makes in her life (ie, the WIC fraud while proclaiming to be a Christian.) It is not healthy for me to get my blood pressure up over this, so caller ID it is!! Thanks for making me feel better!!!

[C99]

My brain can't seem to wrap around what that could mean.

[parkersmama]

It's the Women's, Infant's, and Children's (WIC) program run by the government for underpriveleged moms and kids to make sure they are getting the nutrition they need. It pays for staple items like cereal, milk, canned goods, juices, peanut butter, etc. and also for formula.