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  1. #11
    minot Guest

    Default I agree.. it made me sick..

    Sorry.. but I had to jump in here.. as an "in process" adoptive parent.. I was ill at the promo ABC is airing..

    As a thinking person, I have to hope that the story itself is not as sick as the promo - but the promo makes it appear that the child is a PRIZE in a reality game. It's sick and uncalled for.

    I'm really nervous about what this can possibly mean for those of us waiting with baited breath on an international referral. Last time 20/20 did an adoption expose on the conditions in Romania, etc it caused those governments to shutdown adoptions!

    It's a constant challenge to prove to the international community that we as American's plan to cherish and raise their children with dignity. I hope this show does not set any of us back

    More than that, I hope the child at the center of this never EVER sees this show. My husband as an adult adoptee was stunned when he saw it and said he could not imagine learning he was the prize in a game..

    okay.. rant over..


  2. #12
    NEVE and TRISTAN Guest

    Default RE: I agree.. it made me sick..

    They show the babies picture as big as day....
    Is it not the babies story????? Hoe dare they decide for the child...I am just sick over it!!!!
    Neve
    http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
    AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
    and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
    Feb 25, 2003
    Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

  3. #13
    Elilly is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Midwest
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    1,453

    Default RE: Am I the only one offended by 20/20's show on "eliminating" couples

    I totally agree!! Even DH thinks that it is rude and insensitive (he isn't always the best at noticing this type of stuff, so I was impressed). To me, 20/20 is exploiting the process, the potential parents, and the child. I know that this situation is often the reality but making it into a reality TV "gameshow" is completely out of control. As a parent who is contemplating adoption, I am interested in how the process works but will not watch b/c I believe it to be poor journalism and exploitation. If they wanted to do a show on how the process works, then that is a different story. Wow- sorry, I guess I feel a little more strongly about this than I thought.
    DD 02
    DS 04

  4. #14
    malie Guest

    Default RE: Am I the only one offended by 20/20's show on "eliminating" couples

    If they want to document the difficult process that a birth mother goes thru and/or the difficult process that an adoptive parent faces waiting to be chosen that would be fine with me (and I'll admit I haven't seen the promo) but to set the whole thing up as a game even if they actually show isn't like that is beyond belief.

    It's May so I guess sweeps will be started so they need the viewers. And the sad part about the whole thing is that it will just reinforce for many people the sterotypes that already exist about domestic adoptions

  5. #15
    hjdong Guest

    Default RE: Am I the only one offended by 20/20's show on "eliminating" couples

    I haven't seen the promo discussed and the website for the adoption agency seems to be concilatory now - I'm not really sure what it said before. Here's my question - who had rights to allow the child's photo to be shown - the bio mom, the adoptive parent's? Everyone else involved are - kind of - adults, but someone had sign a waiver for the baby. I'm not sure what would bother me more - if the adoptive parents had no control or if they decided allow the baby's photo to be used.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    GA, USA.
    Posts
    4,639

    Default RE: Am I the only one offended by 20/20's show on "eliminating" couples

    OMG, I saw that commercial and I said outloud to myself "that's disgusting".

    I'm with you on the extreme tackiness and distaste.
    Mom to R and R

  7. #17
    ghs517 Guest

    Default RE: Am I the only one offended by 20/20's show on "eliminating" couples

    Yes, I was offended by the marketing/hype "commercial" for the show. I can only hope that Barbara Walters' status as an adoptive mom will allow her to insert some reality and compassion into the actual show, rather than trying to make this a sweeps week disturbing Survivor wanna-be. I doubt I'll be watching to find out, though.

    GHS, adoptive mom

  8. #18
    Melanie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Am I the only one offended by 20/20's show on "eliminating" couples

    So has it aired yet? Hopefully the show will be tasteful.

  9. #19
    NEVE and TRISTAN Guest

    Default HMMM...clearly we are not alone...

    http://www.nypost.com/entertainment/19700.htm

    I can't say tonights promo was too much better but I did notice it was tamed down some...
    Neve
    http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
    AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
    and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
    Feb 25, 2003
    Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

  10. #20
    smkinc is offline Silver level (200+ posts)
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    467

    Default RE: Am I the only one offended by 20/20's show on "eliminating" couples

    I finally have time to answer questions about the process.

    Here is a generic outline of the process (there is quite a bit of variation from agency to agency, but I think this is pretty close)

    1. Adoptive families go through the application/homestudy process

    2. Adoptive families make a small album showing their home, family, hobbies, extended family, etc.--this often includes a 'dear birthparent' letter saying why you want to adopt, what you are hoping for in an open adoption, if you plan on SAHP, etc.

    3. These albums are given to prospective birthmothers when they are searching for adoptive parents. A birthmother will narrow down her choices of adoptive families based on looking at these books, and decide if she wants to meet with any of the prospective adoptive parents.

    4. Birthmother/family will meet with prospective adoptive parents---this is called the matching process--A key missing from the promo material's I've seen is that this is also a chance for the adoptive families to decide if this is a birthmom/birthfamily they want to be matched with. Our agency stressed than an open adoption is a lifelong relationship commitment, so if there is something you're uncomfortable about with the birthparent, you may want to decline being matched. There may be multiple meetings before both parties decide that they definitely want to match.

    5. Once the match is made, an open adoption agreement is reached (how many visits, picture exchanges, etc.) The adoptive family and birthmother/family try to get to know eachother (build a relationship).

    6. Most states do not allow the birthparents to relinquish their rights until after the baby is born. If the birthparent(s) decide to follow through with the adoption plan, typically there is some type of ceremony where the birthparent(s) 'entrust' the child to the adoptive parents--this was easily one of the most stressful, emotional days in my life.

    As an open adoptive parent, the things that bothered me most in the original promo were

    1. There was no mention of the welfare of the child in the original promo material on the agency website (this link now goes to a letter from the agency defending their involvement in this show). Most birthmothers make the difficult decision to put their child up for adoption because they believe it is in the best interest of the child. They are trying to deal with an unwanted pregnancy in the most responsible way possible.

    2. The information presented in this same promo suggested that the prospective adoptive parents were desperate to have THIS child--I can't reference the specific comments because the link changed, but one of the couples commented that it was all about marketing yourselves. Our agency stressed the importance of 'being your self' and that the match process was as much about you wanting to add the birthmom/family to your extended family as being the one 'chosen' by the birthmother.

    Sorry this is so long, hope it helps.

    Mary
    Mom to Jeremiah 2/4/03
    and our 'first' Curie (6 year old Golden Retriever)

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