Where do I start?

[mom_to_zach_n _brady]

Hello everyone. My name is Paige and I am considering adoption. My husband and I would like to have a daughter (we have 2 amazing boys, 5 years and 18 months). We both don't feel like our family is complete yet.

I have a few questions. Please pardon my rambling, but this is all just so new and overwhelming.

1. Where do I start? Are there good websites to provide background/basics on dealing with adoption? An overview basically. I am assuming we will have to do international adoption but maybe not (??). I want to research all the variables before pursuing adoption. Does anyone have any input on countries that allow adoption?

2. Are we able to choose the gender? Will we be looked down upon for wanting a girl?

3. Is the 20 months/$20,000 rule of thumb true?

Am I overlooking anything? Thank you in advance for any advice you can offer.

~Paige

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Paige,
I had a wonderful link on how to get started in Ukraine...it took forever to do, and I did it for folks such as you, everytime I found a great link I would run over here and update my thread.

For some reason, right when I have now started the process my thread is gone, disappeared...and I have not idea why...

It is the second time a thread of mine that has taken forever has disappeared....

I know I don't have the energy or time to do it again but maybe an email to the Fields will help us locate it IF Ukriane interest you.
Only a bit of the info was something that will benefit other countires, it was pretty Ukraine specific....

There are two chat boards that come to mind for Ukriane...I will find them and post back here it is where I started...

I would pin point down what areas interest you and maybe start from there...

Congrats!!!! :)
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[crl]

Hi Paige,

International is certainly an option, but I don't know that it's your only option. I'd suggest looking in your library for some basic books like Adoption for Dummies. The information will be out-of-date (even if it was published in the last year or so). But, it would give you a general feel for how adoption works, domestic vs. international and so on.

I would also suggest attending adoption agency informational meetings. They usually hand out information packets with program-specific requirements and so on.

Also, if you know people who have adopted, they can be a great resource.

I haven't worked with the numbers lately, but I'm pretty sure our adoption from China will cost over $20,000--but under $25,000. Our process started in Jan. 2003 and we expect to travel to China and adopt our child this summer--most likely August. But about 2 months of that is attributable solely to our own paperwork snafus. And about 11 weeks of it to the Arlington BCIS (formerly INS, now CIS). So, your mileage would vary. And every country is a different and domestic is a quite different process.

Hope this helps a little!

[emmiem]

We adopted a girl from Guatemala in 2001 using Small Miracles Internation in OK. We are now in the process of adopting another little girl from China using FTIA in IN. Visit www.ftia.org. FTIA has a wonderful website which gives lots of basic information on different international programs. Costs, timelines, dossier info, and other things are all compared so you can make an informed decision. Other agencies also have great websites like Children's Hope International and Holt. Start with those. A good resourse is Adoptive Families Magazine and the Complete Adoption Book.

You may email me privately for more information.
Michele

[egoldber]

Neve,

Here's your thread I think:

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...g_id=58&page=1

HTH,

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

It's not showing up on the boards unless I am really overlooking out of two pages...
Did you find it archived????
...anyway thank you, but would love to know what happened to it...this is the second thread that has disappeared regarding Ukraine, one was filled with folks who wanted to help me collect items and now this one, both probably being the most important threads I have ever written, or been apart of to me...I am so confused why they are no longer here...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[egoldber]

No, I saw it. I'll bump it to the top for you.

The other post was in the Lounge though, right? It may have been archived. I'll try and find it, but if its archived, then I don't think there's a way to get to it without contacting the Fields.

[egoldber]

Here's the other thread I think you mean:

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...ng_type=search

[hjdong]

It seems a lot of your questions have already been answered. Just to let you know - you are able to request gender and you won't be looked down on for asking a girl. Worldwide, more people wish to adopt girls than boys (statistically - I don't know why that it is but it's not a large difference, 60/40, I think). So, some countries may have requirements about adopting a girl, but it is usually if you already have boys, which you do.

I think you'll find that most people tend to be experts on the particular country they adopted from and know only a little about the other countries. I'm pretty sure I've seen listed in this forum people who have adopted domestically, from China, Korea, Guatemala, Columbia, looking into Romania (Neve - I don't balme you for being upset that post disappeared - it was very comprehensive - I wonder if a link to the post could be pinned to the top?) - I'm sure I've missed some countries - sorry to whomever I missed.

Edited to say: Oh, Neve's post is back. Forget it.

[smkinc]

Hi Paige,

Based on our experience, I'll try to answer your questions...

>1. Where do I start? Are there good websites to provide
>background/basics on dealing with adoption? An overview
>basically. I am assuming we will have to do international
>adoption but maybe not (??). I want to research all the
>variables before pursuing adoption. Does anyone have any
>input on countries that allow adoption?

The websites mentioned already are good places to start. We (I) researched about a year before deciding which adoption road to take. If you're interested in domestic open adoption, this agency has some good generic info on open adoption experiences (this is not the agency we used, but I got a lot of the basics off their site). They also have a good suggested reading list.
http://openadopt.com/suggested.html

>2. Are we able to choose the gender? Will we be looked down
>upon for wanting a girl?

I don't think you'll be looked down upon, especially since you alreay have 2 boys. I was surprised to find that in my research most Americans prefer to adopt girls. (Not sure why) Internationally, some countries have more girls available (China is almost always girls) and others have mostly boys. So your country choice in international adoption may be limited by your desire to have a girl. I know that Korea allows you to choose a girl if you already have a boy. In domestic adoption, the time you would wait for a placement may be longer if you want a girl vs. being open to either gender.

>3. Is the 20 months/$20,000 rule of thumb true?
Our experience was 9 months/$15,000--It is a lot of money, but we will get most of our adoption expenses back after my company's adoption assitance and the state and federal tax credit. Also, if you adopt domestically you can start claiming your adoption fees on your Federal taxes BEFORE your adoption is finalized, which can help tremendously in covering adoption expenses.

>Am I overlooking anything? Thank you in advance for any
>advice you can offer.
I would just suggest that you research, research, research. It will lead you toward what adoption path to take. When we started our adoption journey, we were sure we wanted a girl and were sure we did not want to do an open adoption. After a lot of research, we ended up adopting our son through a very open adoption arrangement, and I really can't imagine it working out any better than it did. Also, as you research you will find there are many, many children in the world needing parents--it can be heartbreaking at times.

HTH, good luck in your journey!

Mary
Mom to Jeremiah 2/4/03
and our 'first' Curie (6 year old Golden Retriever)