National Geo special "China's Lost Girls"

[DDowning]

DH & I caught this the other night. We found it very interesting - and sad at the same time. What really surprised me however was DH's comments at the end of the show. He said we should consider adopting one of them. I was kind of suprised because prior to all those years trying to conceive C he was adamant against adopting internationally but would consider domestically. Now that I'm pregnant with twins, I'm even more suprised. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes. He would like to adopt within a few years - enough time for us to get us adjusted to life with 3 children under 2. After 3, there's really not that much difference - more the merrier. I realized then and there what a big family man I have!

So looks like we'll join you all in about 2 years on this journey!

[Melanie]

Deidra, how wonderful! My Dh has been rather ambivalent about adoption, but he's also need seen/watched/read all that I have. Maybe next time I catch something (like this) I'll see if he wants to watch it with me.

[mharling]

I'm just now seeing this. Do you know if it's going to air again?

Mary
Lane 4/03

[Melanie]

I just got to watch it. Talk about an emotional show. I wonder what will happen to China in 10 or 20 years?

I gave a speech in college on overpopulation and briefly touched upon government-control. So of course the prof. had to comment about babies in China. If I hadn't wanted my A, I would have told him how different *I* think it would be in the US, but that is another story. It almost seems like girls are preferred here, but I suppose that may be regional.

Do foreigners ever adopt older children in China? I noticed some of the children at the orphanages weren't babies...

[hjdong]

I hope no one minds me answering again - this happens to be one of my favorite topics.

People do adopt older children - here's the "hitch" so to speak. The kids, after a certain age (maybe 8, I'm not sure) have to ask to be put up for adoption - and then of course, there's not a huge rush for older children, unfortunately.

What China is beginning to find is that as the first group of children in orphanages from the one child policy become adults, they never leave the orphanage. Even if offered jobs elsewhere, they have no experience outside the orphanage and are too frightened to try life outside (obviously, this is a gross generalization and will not apply to EVERY child). Some are even offered jobs outside the orphanage and turn them down. And the older children are, of course, very close to their friends at the orphanage (probably more so than their nannies as, generally speaking, there nannies change as they age and their friends don't) so it takes a special kid to want to leave. Frequently, their schools are even self-contained within the orphanage so they really don't get out, so to speak. China is just beginning to get "into" foster care (if you think about it, they're actually a perfect country for it - if you're only allowed one child, and want another baby, why not foster?).

I found the older kids the saddest at Jamie's orphanage (that is sad for me, they didn't outwardly appear sad). Well, that and one two year albino boy who clung to my legs when I left and who I would have taken home in a second if allowed. To end on an up note, my facilitator was leaving us at the end of the week to meet a family adopting a 10 year old boy with albinism. So it does happen.

Sorry to go on,

[Melanie]

Thanks Holly. Can you imagine the pressure? I mean, I'm all for one- or two-child families, but the pressure to have the "perfect" child because you only get one chance?

It was nice to see the one family, in the special, who did pay the fines and keep their baby. I had "heard" that it went beyond fines, though, that they were then unsupported by the gov't as far as schooling, etc. I wonder if that is true?

[hjdong]

I'm not sure how much of this still is true - my info here is a little outdated - however, it used to be that if you didn't get a permit to have a child, you couldn't get citizenship papers (they were technically citizens; it would be like being unable to get a social security card - you're a citizen, but how to prove it?), which would definately limit options. I'm sure with enough "guanzi," roughly connections, this could be taken care of. And the fines are very high - equivalent to a year's salary for most.

Sort of an odd, sad story. My SIL's mother is Chinese (as in lives in China, not Chinese-American). She taught math there, now retired. One of her students had a child with Down's syndrome and abandoned it. The government found them, made them pay fines, and take the child back. My feeling was (and I don't know the family involved) that that policy (returning abandoned children) could lead to infancide. It really bothered me.

[Melanie]

That *is* a terribly sad story. Quite different from here where we are begging mothers to abandon their babies at certain locations instead of leaving them to die or kiling them.