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  1. #1
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    Default need help brainstorming - wish to adopt...

    Hi, our first adoption (Ava) was *too* easy! We made a website and her birth mommy Jenelle found us within 2 weeks. We have an open adoption where we keep in personal touch with Jenelle, and visit with her a few times per year. We *love* open adoption, but are willing to do closed, too, if birth parent(s) prefers it.

    The difficulty? Finding our second child... a lot of birth mommies want childless couples. We see Ava as a huge asset to our second child, though, and want so bad to have 2 (or more, LOL) children. We would take any age and any race, as long as they were younger than Ava (currently 15 months).

    Can some of you mamas help me brainstorm on how to spread the word? Do you think visiting ob/gyn offices would help? I keep thinking of that one... I called the Children's Home of York and the Statewide Adoption Network (both cater to the foster/abused type children) and both rarely have children under 5 years old.

    Any insight is very welcome! We want so much to welcome another child into our family :)

    Regards,
    Barbie




    http://lilypie.com/pic/060616/jxZr.jpg http://b2.lilypie.com/Hz6Zm4.png

    www.SmithAngels.com - we want to adopt again! :)

  2. #2
    chlobo is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: need help brainstorming - wish to adopt...

    oops

  3. #3
    chlobo is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: need help brainstorming - wish to adopt...

    A friend of mine adopted. Apparently she signed up through and adoption agency and they handled all the paperwork and screening stuff. I think I would be freaked out if I were pregnant and approached by a stranger asking about my intentions. Because of Liability I'm sure the OB can't/won't help you out. After all, they don't really know you or your family history so would have no basis to recommend you to a patient if they knew of one who wanted to give up their child.

    I would recommend researching adoption agencies and choosing one that feels like the right fit for your family. That way both you and the birth family have been screened, hopefully putting both sides at ease.

    My friend who adopted this way was able to bring her daughter home right after the birth, which I'm sure is fairly common in those types of situations.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    Default oh forgot we are HOME STUDIED already - and approved! :)

    Hi I am sorry, I should have mentioned this, we have FBI and criminal background checks already completed, as well as an evaluation of our home and ourselves (fit for being parents). Plus, before any adoption in our county the judge ordered another independent investigation of us. Sorry, I should have mentioned that.

    Also, we would *never* EVER approach a birth mom. We want them to "find" us and approach us! Our pediatrician recommended that we talk to ob/gyns - she has already sent one birth mommy our way, but it did not work out (she decided to parent for herself, which is awesome!).

    Agencies take *years*... we are with one! We are still near the bottom of the list! We are both 39, so time is of the essence - we want to run and jump and play with our children :)

    Thanks again, Barbie
    http://lilypie.com/pic/060616/jxZr.jpg http://b2.lilypie.com/Hz6Zm4.png

    www.SmithAngels.com - we want to adopt again! :)

  5. #5
    emmiem's Avatar
    emmiem is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default RE: need help brainstorming - wish to adopt...

    As a wife of an OB-GYN, I know going to OB-GYN offices won't help. That is not their job. My DH gets tons of mail with hopeful adoptive parents asking to spread the word to pregnant women. Doctors don't do that. Doctors tell them their options and let social workers and agencies match up adoptive and birth parents.

    Sign up with a good agency and a birth mother will find you. Have you thought about international adoption?
    Michele
    Mama to three girls

  6. #6
    BillK's Avatar
    BillK is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default RE: oh forgot we are HOME STUDIED already - and approved! :)

    >Agencies take *years*... we are with one! We are still near the bottom of the list! We are both 39, so time is of the essence - we want to run and jump and play with our children.

    Then you're with the wrong agency. We attended a Korean adoption seminar and there was a couple there that said they'd been with the same agency for something like 4 years - pretty much everyone else who was there jaws dropped open with that comment - to make someone wait that long for an adoption is criminal imho.

    I'm 39 and my wife is going to be 37 soon - we started the process of adoption through a facilitator in January of '04 and were "matched" with a birth mom in September (I think) - well that birth mom did change her mind with 2 weeks to go until birth - but we got matched again fairly quickly and our son was born in February - just a tiny bit over a year.

    I can see where formal adoption agencies do take longer than through a private facilitator - but it still shouldn't be "years" - should be a year or slightly more - but not years.

    It's funny you mention most birth moms want childless couples - we found the complete opposite with our adoption - most of the birth moms we spoke with prior to getting matched wanted thier baby to have a sibling.

    Another option is International Adoption - some programs have incredibly quick wait times (they do change quite a bit). My wife and I are planning on doing a Korean adoption for our 2nd child and were told anywhere from 6 to 12 months until a placement.

    You haven't mentioned if your financial situation allows for you to go with a facilitator or International - but if it does (figure about $25k total give or take a few thousand - more if you do Guatemala) - I'd imagine either of those would be a much quicker route than through an agency.

    I see from your website you are in PA - we are as well (we're near Pittsburgh) - if you have interest in some of the info my wife and I have gotten - either from our completed domestic adoption through a facilitator - or what info we've garnered thus far on Korean adoption feel free to shoot me a PM.

    ~Bill

  7. #7
    kijip is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Default RE: need help brainstorming - wish to adopt...

    >Can some of you mamas help me brainstorm on how to spread the
    >word? Do you think visiting ob/gyn offices would help? I
    >keep thinking of that one... I called the Children's Home of
    >York and the Statewide Adoption Network (both cater to the
    >foster/abused type children) and both rarely have children
    >under 5 years old.


    Are you registered with an open adoption agency? That seems to be the best way.

    Visiting OB-Gyn's offices is not acceptable IMHO. The doctors and staff are bound by strict confidentiality rules and approaching pregnant women about adopting their baby while they take care of their pre-natal visits is going to get you kicked out of the office (and rightfully so).

    I am sorry to say but I take small issue with the phrase "both cater to the
    >foster/abused type children". Children do not come in "types". "Abused children" are children that have been abused second and children first. I really do understand if you can't adopt an older child or a child with special needs. My aunt did it three times and it is a very hard road to travel.

    Best of luck to you! I am sure it will happen given your dedication.
    Katie, mama to a pair of boys.

  8. #8
    icunurse is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default RE: oh forgot we are HOME STUDIED already - and approved! :)

    We have worked with an agency for both of our adoptions and the "average" wait is 9 months, shorter if you are more open to races, health risks, etc. The "average" age at our agency for domestic adoption is 40. Also, many agencies are in need of couples who will adopt children of African-American background, typically with shorter waiting times and sometimes lower costs. I really think that you should check into other agencies which will not only give your family more options and opportunities, but give any potential birthparents plenty of support, education, and information. Most agencies lean towards open adoptions now, so there isn't any "list", you can get chosen by a birthparent at any time. We are still waiting to be placed with our second child, but that is after 2 failed matches. We have received less calls this time around, as most birthparents do seem to prefer that their child be the first child in the family, with siblings to follow.
    I'm not sure I would approach OB/GYN's about this...that is not their job. I also know that our son's birthmother was approached somewhat aggressively by her doc's office on behalf of a friend of the doc's who wanted to adopt and she was completely turned off that someone who should be focusing on her and her baby was trying to shift the focus to making *her* baby someone else's.
    To network more, beyond an agency, I would recommend mass emailing your website to friends and having them forward it to other people (it will get out quickly and widely that way) and perhaps consider placing your profile on adoption websites. Last thing is to check out some of the adoption agencies online that list available situations and see if any would be of interest to you.
    Good luck!

    Traci
    ~Connor's Mom 02/2004~
    Agency paperwork completed - waiting (and waiting) for another baby!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    Dutch Country, PA.
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    Default RE: need help brainstorming - wish to adopt...

    Those were *their* words! Really!

    I had no intention of type-casting children, only explaining (using the words *they* used) what type of agency this was, to show what bases I'd covered. I am not familiar with the proper terminology, or I would certainly have used it. Please have patience with me, of course I meant NO disrepect - I am hoping you knew that :) (If you didn't it would hurt me greatly).


    http://lilypie.com/pic/060616/jxZr.jpg http://b2.lilypie.com/Hz6Zm4.png

    www.SmithAngels.com - we want to adopt again! :)

  10. #10
    Melanie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default RE: need help brainstorming - wish to adopt...

    I just wanted to say that having your website in your signature, here, and anywhere else online you are comfortable must be a good thing. I had already looked at it weeks ago and mentally filed away the information in case I never know of anyone. =D
    Boy - 10 years, Girl - 6 Years Old!, (What am I still doing here?! LOL) Dog - Eternal Puppy , Me - Done .

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