Question for those who have adopted or are planning to?

[TaChapm]

I have a cousin who has a 7 year old biological child and has suddenly come across a 21 month old boy who they are thinking about adopting. They are wanting a toddler so this is perfect but she has some fears that I think most parents probably have. I know I had these fears when pregnant with #2.

She is really worried that she won't be able to love this little boy like her first son. I know I worried that I wouldn't love Tyler like I loved Jackson but of course it just happens. I am just wondering if any of you felt this way. I think once she gets the little boy and makes him her own that she will know what I am talking about but she is just really scared that she will feel differently about an adoptive son. This has all happened within 2 weeks and is moving really fast. They have always wanted to adopt but now she is scared that she might not love him like her first.

I was also wondering if those of you who know about adoption could see if there is anything strange about this agency. Apparently the are desperatly looking for adoptive parents for newborns which seems strange. Over the past 3 years since she has been considering adopting they have always seemed to have babies needing to be adopted. It just seems too good to be true.
Here is thier website:
http://aimadoptions.org/about_us.htm

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler 6-9-05
& Baby Jaci 8-10-06


http://b4.lilypie.com/gzWfm8.png

http://b2.lilypie.com/sJmVm7.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/EZwnm7.png

[Maria K]

We have just adopted our son. Our situation is completely different from your cousin, but I wanted to share some resources...

www.adoption.com - They have lots of articles and a very active forum board. You can also search for others that have used a particular agency that are willing to discuss their experiences. There are (I believe) specific forums that discuss adopting an older child. Let me know if you need help finding anything there.

www.adoptivefamilies.com - They have a great website and a wonderful magazine that I highly recommend. They regularly address all kinds of different adoption situations.

http://tinyurl.com/qqtth - Check this out to search for scams and the reputation of an agency.

I DO think it's strange that they are in "need" of adoptive families... unless they have a lot of hard to place situations... like special needs or (sad to say) ethnic minorities.

Only your cousin can make the decision on whether this situation is right for her and her family. I know that doesn't help any, but it's the straight-forward truth.

The only advise I can give is to not rush into something because she's feeling presured by anyone... including the agency. If the situation is right, it will work out. The chid is 21 months old. I know she probably wants to scoop up this child and take him in her arms. But this is a HUGE thing to undertake... taking some time to investigate the agency and the situation will only benefit everyone.

Let me know if I can help with anything. I hope things work out well for them.

- Maria K

[smkinc]

As far as wondering whether or not you'll love an adopted child as much, I think most people have those thoughts about second children whether or not they are adopting or not. I would encourage your cousin to read up on attachment and bonding, as adopting a 21 month old will be different than adopting a newborn.

As far as the agency needing adoptive families for newborns, I don't think that may be that unusual. The agency we used for DS has been trying to recruit adoptive families for the last several months and has at times experienced cycles where they have placements faster than their adoptive family pool is growing. (Right now they only have a pool of 6 waiting families, they like to have 20, in June they had 14 families).

While they don't really have waiting babies, they don't have enough people in process such that they are comfortable they'll have enough families available when infants are ready to place. Since most domestic adoptions are now 'open' it really is important to have a variety of waiting families such that a good 'match' can be made. Additionally this agency works with our state department of human services and places several 'special needs'children. So at times they are indeed in need of adoptive families.

HTH,

Mary

[TaChapm]

Thank you for the advice! They did adopt the boy and took custody of him on Wednesday. (About 1 month after finding out about him) Everything moved really fast but they are so happy and feel good about their decision. I think it was just frightening to them how fast everything was moving. Now that it has happened everything is perfect!

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler 6-9-05
& Baby Jaci 8-10-06


http://b4.lilypie.com/gzWfm8.png

http://b2.lilypie.com/sJmVm7.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/EZwnm7.png