My husband and I are expecting our first child in about 2 months. Neither of us have family within a 5-hour driving radius. We have very few close friends in town, and none of them have children. After my 12-week maternity leave, I am planning on returning to work, which is a financial necessity. We have made plans to enroll our child into this great day care center close to work.
All of a sudden DH is freaking out about how we will be able to cope or get by with a new baby all by ourselves. My parents will be here for the first week or so, and his retired mother can fly out to help for a month at a time. DH is concerned that it will be too much to do on our own and that our marriage will be negatively affected. He has thrown out the idea of having his mother come out to live in our town (not in our house, but we would rent an apt for her) for the 1st year. I am staunchly against that idea, because I think it would cause more stress between DH and I having her in town, not to mention the added costs of renting and furnishing an apt (having her stay in our home with us is NOT an option). Plus, it's not like it will become easier after the 1st year. I am not naive about how much effort and possibly strain will happen, but I also know that lots of other couples have to make do on their own. I just know that we'll have to do it, and there's no other way around it.
My suggestion to DH to help alleviate his anxiety was that we should start trying to find a very good babysitter (not a high schooler, but maybe a retiree or widow) who lives in the neighborhood. This has been a source of frustration between DH and I -- he thinks I don't want to talk about it, I say we just have to accept that this is what our situation is and that we should try to find someone who we could turn to for occasional child care needs. What else can we do to help prepare for this change?
Thanks in advance for your help.