What to do about a toddler who refuses to sleep in a bed?

[egoldber]

I'm actually posting this for a friend. She is so desperate she asked me today "PLEASE ask those internet mommies of yours what to do!" LOL!

Here's the story. Her DD is about a month older than Sarah, so 31 months. My friend is due with her second child in June. They recently bought a larger house and moved in two weeks ago. When they moved, they set up a big girl bed for her DD in the new room and put the old crib in the room that will be the nursery for the new baby.

Her DD REFUSES to sleep in the bed. Every night for the last 2 weeks, my friend has put her to bed in the new bed. And every night, her child dismantles the bedding, dragging her blanket and various bedtime friends (and she has several including a special lovie), over to the gate that is now at the door to her new room, and basically sets up a little nest there and goes to sleep. She does this for every night and every nap.

My friend is beside herself. She has tried everything she can think of to try and keep/convince her DD to stay in the bed to no avail. She's tried gate/no gate, door open/door closed, night lights, the works. Before this her DD was a super champion sleeper, sleeping 13 hours at night and 3 hours afternoon naps. She is now not sleeping as well (although still rather well by most standards) and my friend is feeling worn down as well as rather guilty about the whole thing. A few days of this she was prepared for. But its been 2 weeks, and when asked her DD says that she is very happy to sleep on the floor.

We've racked our brains. I suggested to her today that maybe she was TOO comfy by the gate and maybe take away some of the bedding/stuffed animals that she is using to build her "nest".

Any thoughts? Anyone BTDT?

Thanks!

[COElizabeth]

I haven't been there myself, but my nephew used to fall asleep crying at his gate after he had moved to a twin bed. My sister or her DH would just go in and put him back in bed after he fell asleep, and he'd be fine until morning. Of course, her kids are both very sound and good sleepers (oh, she's so lucky!), so my nephew didn't wake up. I'm not sure how long it took for him to start falling asleep in his bed.

My other thought is that this may not be a battle worth fighting. If the girl says she is comfortable on the floor (and who doesn't remember sleeping on the floor as a kid at Grandma's or a friend's?) and is sleeping reasonably well, why bother trying to force her to stay in the bed? If she were roaming around the house at night, that would be different, but if she's in her room, I'd probably just let her sleep on the floor and move to the bed when she decides it's more comfortable.

But of course that's easy for me to say since my DS is still in the crib! :)

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02

[jojo2324]

I like Elizabeth's line of thinking...She might not be getting as much sleep, but is she suffering sleeping on the floor? I know it's not ideal, but if she IS getting a good amount of sleep, it might not be worth the fight. How about putting the mattress on the floor? LOL, every night inch it closer to the bed frame, until she's in the bed? :)

Another thought. Was it maybe too much, a move AND a switch to a bed at the same time? What is it, 3 months before/after a baby's arrival to try new things? Wow, June is only three months away, huh? Sure as heck doesn't feel like it. :)

Sorry I can't be more help either! Luckily, Gannon has NOT figured out how to climb out of his crib yet. (I'll be eating my words soon, I'm sure.)

[Jeanmick]

Here's our experience:

When we transitioned our DD to her new room from the nursery (to get ready for DS) she also had some difficulties with staying in her bed. She would START out sleeping in the bed, but then when we would check on her, we'd find her on the floor NEXT to the bed with her comfort blanket, or UNDER the bed with her comfort blanket, or even the FOOT OF the bed with her blanket. When this happened, we would pick her up from the floor and place her back in her bed (just like Elizabeth's sister did). In the beginning, we'd find her right back on the floor in the morning or when we'd check on her during naptime. But, we figured that she wouldn't be sleeping on the floor forever. We were just thrilled that she was willing to STAY in her room! Then as time went by (it did take a while...more than two weeks for sure)we would notice that our DD would stay asleep in her bed every so often. After a while, she figured out that it was more comfortable to sleep on the bed!

Your friend shouldn't feel so guilty about it. As long as her DD is sleeping well overall and there's no danger in sleeping on the floor, I'd let her do it and put her back in her bed after she's slept. I'll bet after a while, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she'll decide it's better to just stay put!

Good luck :)

[Rachels]

It sounds like the nest is helping her with all the transitions. I say let her use the nest. It's fundamentally harmless and gives her a sense of control over her life. Don't underestimate how incredibly unsettling it is for her to move to a new house, not to mention preparing for a baby AND losing her familiar sleep place. This is how she has decided to cope, and it's pretty benign. I'd be inclined to make her nest comfy for her and let her take her time working it out. She won't need to sleep there forever.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[sugarsnappea]

Perhaps she misses her crib? Could they move the crib back into her room?

We were in a very similiar situation not too long ago. After our move, we set the the crib up in JG's room and added the bed soon after. For a few weeks she was opposed to any sleeping in the bed. We read books in the bed and then put her to sleep in the crib (per her request). We decided we were in no hurry for the crib, so we left the crib and bed in her room, and decided to let her take the initiative. At this time there were so many changes (move,new baby, etc.), I couldn't force another big change on her. She felt comfortable and safe in her crib.

After a few weeks, she started napping in the bed. A short while after, (and after reading many big sister type books) she told DH that the crib is for babies and instructed him to move it down the hall. Also, during this time I involved her in the decorating process. We would peruse catalogs, and talk about ideas for decorating the big girl room vs. the baby's room. Now she sleeps in the bed wonderfully, although since I had the baby, she visits us in bed quite regularly at 5AM. :)

[megsmom]

Is this still happening?

One thing we did when Meghan was going through her phase of running out of the bed was give her a reward for staying in the bed. One of her "sleep rules" is to stay in the bed until morning time. She got a very small privilege like watching a movie she picked out, a new page of stickers, going to the park, playing with play dough. These were things we would have done anyway, but she saw them as a reward for good behavior and sometimes kids need that. After a few days, we didn't even need the reward, she just got used to the routine and didn't run out anymore.

Either way, it's a lot of transitions for a little person and there's always bound to be some adjustment. Meghan's last pacifier fell apart the other day and now she's taking a long time to go to sleep. She's not in any distress about it and hasn't even asked for them, but talks, sings, chatters forever in there before finally going to sleep. The last several nights she hasn't gone to sleep until 10 pm despite being put to bed between 8 and 8:30. And now she's waking up with the sun between 6 and 6:30. It's not enough sleep at all for her and she's also cutting molars. This does not make her a fun person to be around during the day.

Add this to Brian waking up 2 and 3 times a night lately and not napping well the past few days and you've got two exhausted parents around here. His congestion is finally better today so maybe, cross your fingers, we'll only hear from him once tonight. We keep trying to say "This too shall pass" but are beginning to wonder if sleep is just something other people do and we only fantasize about.

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01
and Brian 11/11/03

[egoldber]

Jen, sorry its been so hard on you guys lately.

And the situation is a *little* better now. But my friend resorted to bribery. Her DD gets a hand stanp with a fav character if she stays in bed all night. But her DD actually told her that she prefers to nap in the car rather than in her room! Is that sad or what? :(

I know my friend is feeling terribly guilty, and it is a lot for a little one to take in all at once. But due to circumstances and some really bad timing with work that needed to be done on their new house before they could move in, they really didn't have a whole lot of choice. And she doesn't want to move her back to the crib when they're going to need it for the new baby in a few months.

[luvbeinmama]

I didn't read this earlier, but, DS slept by the door sometimes. For a while I put down one of those sleeping pads they sell at costco that folds in 3. He slept on that for a while, and I could lay down with him if necessary. When he would fall asleep by the door, I would open the door carefully (often pushing him with the door), and carry him to bed asleep. Eventually he started going to bed and staying there, but it took a while. It's not an easy transition. I think they do miss the sides of the crib. At least I think DS did. I don't think it's a bad thing to fall asleep where she is doing it. Just put her in bed after she falls asleep. HTH a little.

[pamela mom of 3]

Sorry to drag up an old thread but...

Last year my son switched out of his crib to a toddler bed mainly because one) he was climbing out & two) he was sleeping on the living room floor anyhow.

We thought maybe he'd like the bed better & stop the floor sleeping, nope..he still sleeps on the living room floor although now we have one of those flip out foam kid sofas....i have given up trying to move him or finding out why he won't sleep in his room anymore or his bed.

So i have no suggestions, just i've BTDT.. he's now 3 and this has been going on for months, i figure at some point he'll return to his bed although by that point he maybe to big for the toddler bed LOL :D




~Pamela Mom Of 3

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