hi all -

I hadn't even thought to migrate over here from BB, but realize it's about time (and I've had Toddler Bargains for a couple months now!)

So here goes: I could use your advice (this is long, so bear with me - question is at the end). Our 21-mo old, Maeve, has used a pacifier since birth. Once we got to the dreamy phase where she could put her binky (or she actually calls it her "binty") in herself (and right side up since it was a Nuk), we just let her go with it. She never (or very rarely) took it outside her crib - just naps and nighttime. Well, DD#2, Charlotte, arrived in early Feb (they are 19 mos apart). Despite my protests to my DH, we did not break her of it beforehand and then felt that it was unfair to have her see her sister with one. (Wussed out - I know).

I regained some spine last week. My new baby doesn't have much of a need for them (in fact she gags if you try and only occasionally figures out the usefulness). Maeve is in the sleep rebellion phase and tossed her two binties out of the crib on the floor (along with wails of "Mommy" or "Daddy.") Because our newborn isn't using them, I figured why not go for it. I just left them there until she fell asleep after crying for an hour. Then, I snuck in and took them from the floor (really - I crawled in on my hands and knees), ran around the house and took all the rest and put them in a ziplock and hit it away so we would NOT cave (and we have like 30 pacifiers b/c we wanted to always have one handy). The next day, we just said "all gone" (and did her "all gone" hand motion) when she asked for them. She looked so forlorn but she definitely got it.

For those attempting this, it was rough but manageable. She cried for an hour the first night, then passed out. Next night was about 15 min. Third night - nothing. Naps are another story - the pacifier really helped her calm down and naps have been spotty ever since. Also, a word of warning, it was also hard on us. It was such a joy for her - she used to do this little, "binty, binty, binty" song and dance that made us laugh and was one of her most memorable habits. The worst part was that it was sort of her security item - she never took a blankie or animal; she would hold a pacifier in her hand and pop the silicone part up and down with her thumb (I tried to think of some replacement for this, but couldn't think of something that would be safe to put in that she could do the same thing with). Not only was that gone and she seemed so sad, but also it seemed that she was so old. It was truly the end of an era. Sigh.

ANYWAY, Charlotte (dd#2) is now 2 mos old and her soothing sucking is really only rearing itself at night (that's between 6 pm and 9 pm in our house - they go to bed then). We're trying to avoid giving her a pacifier, 1) because we don't want her to need it and she really only exhibits soothing sucking at that one time, 2) we've seen the addiction grow with Maeve, and 3) it would destroy our binky weaning with Maeve. We did hide one in Charlotte's room that we might use at night if we get desperate, but are still struggling.

So, here are my questions for y'all - all advice and experience shared are welcome.
1) Remind me - doesn't soothing sucking behavior peak at 2 mos (along with gassiness) and then wind down as they're emotions mature (start smiling, real tears, etc.)? (BTW, I am not able to breastfeed b/c of a medication I take, so she's been bottlefed since birth - so she's used to the silicone or rubber, but doesn't have as strong a need for sucking to emulate BF).

2) Do you think we're being ridiculous by not training her to use the pacifier? She just really doesn't express much of an interest in it and sometimes out and out rejects it (purses her lips up to deny it!) It saves us a problem down the road, and she'll probably pick up some other sort of "security" item.

3) Don't you think that a lot of time would have to pass before we could convice Maeve, DD#1, that she didn't need a pacifier, but her sister could have one? I just think it is too soon (and will still be in a few weeks). We could try the whole, you are a "big girl" and she is a "baby," but Maeve's too smart for that AND won't give a rats. It was her comfort item and she will reclaim it.

Sigh - I wish Maeve would pick another security item from any of the "silkie" blankets or animals we have in abundance, but no. She sees a binky out at playgroup and looks SO forlorn - looks up at me and says, "Want a binty, Mommy. Have it?" BUT, I think we've made the hard break and I don't want to cave.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Moral support!

Thx in advance -
Alexa

p.s. for those who haven't been in BB, here's a big of my two girls. Maeve really truly adores her new sister, so at least we don't have resentment to worry about!

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/4034.jpg