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  1. #1
    akc Guest

    Default Binky Blues - For those who know this passage...

    hi all -

    I hadn't even thought to migrate over here from BB, but realize it's about time (and I've had Toddler Bargains for a couple months now!)

    So here goes: I could use your advice (this is long, so bear with me - question is at the end). Our 21-mo old, Maeve, has used a pacifier since birth. Once we got to the dreamy phase where she could put her binky (or she actually calls it her "binty") in herself (and right side up since it was a Nuk), we just let her go with it. She never (or very rarely) took it outside her crib - just naps and nighttime. Well, DD#2, Charlotte, arrived in early Feb (they are 19 mos apart). Despite my protests to my DH, we did not break her of it beforehand and then felt that it was unfair to have her see her sister with one. (Wussed out - I know).

    I regained some spine last week. My new baby doesn't have much of a need for them (in fact she gags if you try and only occasionally figures out the usefulness). Maeve is in the sleep rebellion phase and tossed her two binties out of the crib on the floor (along with wails of "Mommy" or "Daddy.") Because our newborn isn't using them, I figured why not go for it. I just left them there until she fell asleep after crying for an hour. Then, I snuck in and took them from the floor (really - I crawled in on my hands and knees), ran around the house and took all the rest and put them in a ziplock and hit it away so we would NOT cave (and we have like 30 pacifiers b/c we wanted to always have one handy). The next day, we just said "all gone" (and did her "all gone" hand motion) when she asked for them. She looked so forlorn but she definitely got it.

    For those attempting this, it was rough but manageable. She cried for an hour the first night, then passed out. Next night was about 15 min. Third night - nothing. Naps are another story - the pacifier really helped her calm down and naps have been spotty ever since. Also, a word of warning, it was also hard on us. It was such a joy for her - she used to do this little, "binty, binty, binty" song and dance that made us laugh and was one of her most memorable habits. The worst part was that it was sort of her security item - she never took a blankie or animal; she would hold a pacifier in her hand and pop the silicone part up and down with her thumb (I tried to think of some replacement for this, but couldn't think of something that would be safe to put in that she could do the same thing with). Not only was that gone and she seemed so sad, but also it seemed that she was so old. It was truly the end of an era. Sigh.

    ANYWAY, Charlotte (dd#2) is now 2 mos old and her soothing sucking is really only rearing itself at night (that's between 6 pm and 9 pm in our house - they go to bed then). We're trying to avoid giving her a pacifier, 1) because we don't want her to need it and she really only exhibits soothing sucking at that one time, 2) we've seen the addiction grow with Maeve, and 3) it would destroy our binky weaning with Maeve. We did hide one in Charlotte's room that we might use at night if we get desperate, but are still struggling.

    So, here are my questions for y'all - all advice and experience shared are welcome.
    1) Remind me - doesn't soothing sucking behavior peak at 2 mos (along with gassiness) and then wind down as they're emotions mature (start smiling, real tears, etc.)? (BTW, I am not able to breastfeed b/c of a medication I take, so she's been bottlefed since birth - so she's used to the silicone or rubber, but doesn't have as strong a need for sucking to emulate BF).

    2) Do you think we're being ridiculous by not training her to use the pacifier? She just really doesn't express much of an interest in it and sometimes out and out rejects it (purses her lips up to deny it!) It saves us a problem down the road, and she'll probably pick up some other sort of "security" item.

    3) Don't you think that a lot of time would have to pass before we could convice Maeve, DD#1, that she didn't need a pacifier, but her sister could have one? I just think it is too soon (and will still be in a few weeks). We could try the whole, you are a "big girl" and she is a "baby," but Maeve's too smart for that AND won't give a rats. It was her comfort item and she will reclaim it.

    Sigh - I wish Maeve would pick another security item from any of the "silkie" blankets or animals we have in abundance, but no. She sees a binky out at playgroup and looks SO forlorn - looks up at me and says, "Want a binty, Mommy. Have it?" BUT, I think we've made the hard break and I don't want to cave.

    Thoughts? Suggestions? Moral support!

    Thx in advance -

    p.s. for those who haven't been in BB, here's a big of my two girls. Maeve really truly adores her new sister, so at least we don't have resentment to worry about!

  2. #2
    raynjen Guest

    Default RE: Binky Blues - For those who know this passage...

    Sorry, I can't help with the Binky as my DD never took one, BUT I did want to say that you ARE doing the right thing. The fact that it only took 3 nights to get her back to sleeping really says that she doesn't need it.

    I do hope though that you have her little song and dance routine on tape somewhere as that is too priceless to lose. We write down DD's little sayings and cute dramas in a book that we keep on top of the fridge, but it isn't the same as having her in color with all the sweet lispings and looks.

    Good luck and welcome to the toddler boards!

    Jen in Okinawa
    Mom to Noelle (2 1/2)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2002

    Default RE: Binky Blues - For those who know this passage...

    Ah, the picture is sweet!

    No hard core advice...but i'll tell ya the tale of the dummy in my little word with my 3.

    #1 took one for only a few months and even then it was rarely..#2 was a thumb sucker, seriously almost right from day one, we did use a dummy/binky/paci whatever :D you know it took till 4.5yrs before she gave it up...i never pushed the issue just left it to run it's coarse. For those thinking oh no her teeth, nope actually she has very nice ones ;)

    #3 Used a dummy a tad pretty much like #1 never was really "into" them and by a few months old they were never used.

    Really do what you think is right, your the one who knows your kids best, on the whole i pretty much let alot of things just be grown out of which i know is probably considered "wrong" by alot of people but that is what i feel comfortable doing so that is what i do..

    Good Luck! :)

    ~Pamela Mom Of 3

  4. #4
    Karenn is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2002

    Default RE: Binky Blues - For those who know this passage...

    I think you're on the right track too. If the binky isn't a huge lifeline for Charlotte, I doubt she'll miss it. I don't know anything about the soothing behavior peaking at 2 months theory, but it matches what happened in our house. Colin refused to take his paci beyond three months old. (There were times when I would have paid big bucks for him to take it since he wouldn't sleep and obviously needed something, but he refused.) I say stick with your guns. I think bringing out any binky at this point would do more to discourage Maeve than it would to help Charlotte. Good luck!

  5. #5
    egoldber's Avatar
    egoldber is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Northern VA, USA.

    Default RE: Binky Blues - For those who know this passage...

    DD never took a pacifier amd after a few half-hearted attempts to offer it to her, never bothered again. But at around 6 months she started sucking her thumb and she still remains a thumb sucker (although now it is mainly when she is tired or not feeling well). So I think your child's sucking needs may vary. My DD's need really peaked at around 12-18 months.

    But it sounds like Maeve was ready to give up the pacifier, so I wouldn't be too concerned about it!

    Oh, and I intend to just let her wean herself from her thumb when she is ready.

    Beth, mom to older DD (8/01) and younger DD (10/06) and always missing Leah (4/22 - 5/1/05)

  6. #6
    Jeanne is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Nov 1999

    Default RE: Binky Blues - For those who know this passage...

    I was fortunate that my first (Charlotte) tossed the binky around the time that her first tooth came in. It just didn't give her any satisfaction at that point. We did introduce a lovely at that time and she did take to it so you might want to try that - a special soft doll or something.

    My second (Claire) is six months old and she has just started to take one. Previous to this, she had no interest, but her sucking needs have since increased and she was putting her thumb into her mouth. I do not want a thumb sucker for several reasons: harder habit to break, can ruin the shape of their mouth, easier to pick up germs, etc... My biggest issue is from an Orthodontia perspective. Although it may pose no permanent damage to some, it often poses a great deal of damage if it becomes constant and excessive. My own brother is living a nightmare to this day because of his habit.

    If Charlotte isn't showing interest right now, then I wouldn't give it to her. And honestly, it depends on your comfort level with paci vs. thumb if it should become an issue in the future. If you need to offer the paci to Charlotte later and Maeve reclaims it, you could always try the trick of giving the paci with the end cut off. Several of my friends have done this and have been successful in breaking the habit quickly.

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