Hitting

[camsmom]

CALLING ALL MOMS...I need your help. I have a 22month old who likes to hit me every time he is upset. I am at my wits end and I am looking for suggestions. I have tried time outs, yelling, taking things away etc...what do I do next? I just don't want to lose my temper...

[brigmaman]

I wish I had an answer for you. Just wanted to let you know we're going through the same thing with our ds who turned 2 today. He only hits me and only when he's upset. We've tried the same things you mentioned. I was on the Dr. Sears site yesterday and have tried some of the techniques mentioned. The eye contact and getting on his level suggestions seemed to stop him for a second the first time I tried them, so I think I'll try for now to consistently do those...but I'd love to hear what others have to say.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061000.asp
Here are more specific suggestions on dealing with toddlers who hit parents.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063900.asp#T062400
I didn't see this yesterday, but I'll try it next time ds hits me.

[Karenn]

Trish-
Thanks for those links! I'd never noticed the discipline section on Dr. Sears website!

[jlcana]

I understand completely! My 28 month old has been hitting me for about 4 months now off and on. I am also at my wit's end with this! Are you a SAHM? My son rarely hits DH, only me and I am at home with him. He tends to hit more when he's hungry or didn't sleep well the night before.

I say to him "no hitting" any time I sense he is getting upset or I need to pick him up or take his hand in a parking lot. I'm sure I sound like a broken record but it seems to help. It's mainly just to remind him to control his temper! Time outs didn't work for me and taking things away made him swing at me more! If he does hit, he has to apologize to me at least and I say "you gave Mommy a boo-boo". he usually looks sorry and tries to kiss where he hit me! If he gets upset at another child at the park and hits, he also has to apologize to them.

I'm ready to give up as I am due in 7 weeks with another boy!

[hjdong]

Someone suggested his in the Baby Bargains Lounge but what really worked for us was holding his arms at his side. If he was really pushing it, holding him on our lap (facing away) and wrapping our arms around him (holding his arms at his side). The key was we had to hold him until he stopped struggling. He really doesn't hit anymore.

Edited to add: O.k. most of the time - the last time I said something like this, the problem started again the next day - I'm going to add an insurance policy this time!

HTH,

[christic]

What works best for my daughter is to keep my own response as low key as possible. Technically hitting is an automatic time out but what it really means is that I stop interacting with her for a short time--putting her down and walking away if I was holding her at the time, getting up and walking out of the room if we're sitting together, puttting her in her crib if it's nearby. At the most I'll say "we don't hit" but more often nothing at all--my response is immediate so I'm confident she understands.

And don't take it personally, because it's the love and comfort he feels with you that allows him to do his testing ;).

I loved the discipline section on askdrsears.com . It's good paired with Burton White--they both want to get you to the same place in the end but their approaches are different enough that if one isn't working the other might...

Good luck!

[egoldber]

There's good info in the Sears links. I think I have tried most of those things at various points in time. As someone said, sometimes something works and sometimes it doesn't, so having a repertoire of things to try is good. I have almost always found that hitting correlates to her being tired or hungry or frustrated. But you know, sometimes when she's tired I still may HAVE to go to the grocery store, and I don't want to hit me then either.

Now that she is older and is more verbal, I have found that talking about her feelings really helps. When she seems like she is going to hit I will say something like "you seem angry" and she will usuaully then try and talk to me about what she is feeling. And lately she has even begun volunteering "mommy I am really angry!" which lets us discuss what she is feeling and why. But I think that just over 2 is too young to expect this.

Good luck. I know its super frustrating...