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  1. #1
    zuzu is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    Recently, Sarah has started expressing a preference as to which one of us she wants to help her with things. It's not all the time (luckily!) and her preferences are inconsistent. Sometimes she will insist, for example, that Daddy help put her swimsuit on, and if he's available to do so, we try to accommodate her. When she's like this she sometimes has a mini fit if I try to help her instead.

    Does this sound familiar to anyone? What have you done? There are times when it's less convenient (though possible) for one of us to help her, but I'm wondering if we should acommodate her or not. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. She rarely asks for one of us to help her if we're not home, so I'm convinced it's a power/control thing.

    Thanks!
    Melissa, mom to Sarah (5/03)

  2. #2
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    Default RE: "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    Martie hasn't done that yet, but one of friends insists that "Daddy do it" or "Mommy do it" all the time. I really don't know if they have tried to do anything about it besides accomodating their child.

    -Sonia
    Mommy to my Strawberry Shortcake lovin' Martie

  3. #3
    wendmatt is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default RE: "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    DD often wants Daddy after nap or sleep, especially if it's after he's spent alot of time at home. If I try to go into her room she cries,"No, I want Daddy". If he's home it's great for me as I get to continue what I was doing! She doesn't do it too often but if she does we just accomodate her, I believe it's a normal thing for them to have a parent preference at different times.
    I was SOOO happy she wanted Daddy at 5.30 on sunday morning!!

  4. #4
    hjdong Guest

    Default RE: "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    It depends for us on how inconvenient it was. We went with the sometimes we accomodated and sometimes we didn't route and he has more or less grown out of the preferences for certain things except for bedtime snuggling when he's given a choice. For awhile only I could read to him and only DH could bathe him. However, there are still times when he has parent preferences in general. Currently, he's on a momma kick. I actually prefer the baba kicks - I get more of a break. Oh well, it will roll back around.

  5. #5
    zuzu is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Thanks!

    Thanks for sharing your experiences!

    I guess we'll just continue to keep accommodationg her as long as it's not too inconvenient. We just don't want to spoil her. It's the little things that get me more these days, like not wanting me to get her some water if I'm right there and *needing* daddy in the next room to get it for her instead. If this, and little whining, are my biggest complaints with a two year old, I can't really complain. ;)

    Melissa, mom to Sarah (5/03)

  6. #6
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    Default RE: "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    VERY familiar except in our household, it's almost always "I want mommy." This is mostly about dissing Daddy when he spends too much time away from home, which happens way too much.

    I and friends have also encountered a lot of this when the mom is pregnant and the child is trying to cling to a familiar role. Sometimes daddy becomes the desired one beacuse he's not tired all the time; sometimes mommy becomes the desired one because she seems to be less available to the child.

    We accomodate our daughter if it is easy for us and we are feeling tolerant. If my husband was feeling too dissed or I was too unwilling to do whatever she was asking, we'd say Daddy was going to do it or it wasn't going to get down. Sometimes we'd tell her to change the way she was talkng to not be so rude. She's usually cry and walk in unhappy circles for a few minutes before deciding that daddy doing it was OK.

    It still happens, but a week or two of reacting as I described usually improves it.
    Advice and commentary on living overseas

    DD1 15, DD2 12, and DS 9

  7. #7
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    Default RE: "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    This happens to us almost daily. If it is inconvenient (like when DH is trying to get out of the house for work in the morning), then I just say calmly that "mommy will do it now, but daddy can do it later" or something to that effect. Only rarely does he go nuts if I say it calmly or say something silly along with it. When I am short with him because I am rushed then he starts to wail and cry!

    DH is the favored one around our house for Ryan. :)
    Mom to R and R

  8. #8
    CiderLogan is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default RE: "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    It's always me when my DD has a preference - tough when I am tired from being pg and really want the break of DH doing something so I can have a little break! About half the time, I give in and just do it - and about half the time DH does it (and then she forgets halfway into whatever it is that she ever didn't want him to).

    Jenny
    Mom to Julia, 8/03
    ...and another one due 5/29/06!

  9. #9
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    Default RE: "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    So common in our house! Jude now assigns who will change his dirty diapers like it is a priviledge!

  10. #10
    Metermaid Guest

    Default RE: "No! I want Mommy/Daddy to do it!"

    my child does this too. i think it's because in her mind, she has mapped out the way the activity "should" be, and it kind of un-nerves her to have it different. She's the kind of child that doesn't like to be rushed or surprised. She likes to know where we are going before we get into the car. So when it's time to get dressed, i think she plans it out...who is going to help her. What I'm trying to say is that i don't think it's a control thing. (at least not in my case). I think it's just that she doesn't like to have things switched if it's "supposed" to be a certain way.

    The way I deal with it is either by verbally mapping things out (e.g. "..."I'm taking out your clothing but Daddy is going to help you get dressed"), or else offering her an option "I know you want me to help you get dressed. I am busy doing X right now. Do you want Daddy to help you or do you want to wait?"

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