3 yo Not Eating at Dinner

[StantonHyde]

My 3 yo DS has decided he will not eat dinner. He eats lunch, he eats breakfast, but not dinner. About 5 months ago, we started focusing on eating as a family, with baby in her exersaucer. DS gets a separate meal--usually spaghettios and carrots or pbj or chicken noodles--on a kid plate. We give him a 5 minute warning about dinner time and my husband brings him to the table. He used to fuss about being there but then would eat. Now he doesn't fuss but he is distracted and won't eat. (We give toddler size portions so as not to overwhelm him) We explain that if he doesn't eat dinner, he can't have dessert and he can't have anything at bed time. (He does still take a bottle at bedtime and yes, I could write another post about that, but given all the other quirks I see in kids his age, I can handle a bottle at bed time) We stick to this rule. He gets upset when he doesn't get to eat something at bedtime, but he gets over it quickly. The next morning he will ask "Did I eat my dinner?" and I explain that he did not, but that he can have breakfast now. He will be begging for food while watching a predinner video with Dad and then want food after dinner, but not at the table. What gives? Can we do anything to change this? I do not want to make food a big issue. My brother practically threatens his kids to get them to eat and I am waiting for my nieces to have eating disorders! Not worth it to me. I realize that they grow out of things, but I just do not get the motivation to starve yourself! (his weight is ok or I would be panicky) Any thoughts/ideas?

[s7714]

An article I read said that studies have shown most toddlers get the vast majority of their calories by lunch time and that dinner is often more of a social time for them because they're usually not really hungry that late in the day. (Sorry I can't tell you exactly where I saw that article--could have been any one of the countless child related things I read. ;) )

My almost 3yo DD usually always eats a huge breakfast and mid-morning snack. Lunch is usually pretty good. On the rare occassion she'll eat a lot at dinner, but it is rare. If it's something she really likes she might eat a few extra bites, but I'd say her dinner intake would probably be equivalent to about 1-2 tbls. max if that! We do not have a nightly dessert and DD does not get any food after dinner time. If she claims to be hungry while her plate is still at the table, we explain she can eat more dinner, but that is her only option. (We eat around 6:30-7 and her bedtime is at about 8.)

We do all sit down for a family meal each night, but I don't push the issue with my DD at this point. If she's hungry, I'm fine if she eats her dinner a little before we do or while we're dishing ours up. When she's finished, she's free to go and play. She does have to come sit at the table when everyone else sits down if she hasn't already eaten, but if she sits there for 2 minutes or a half hour it makes no difference to me. IMO it's better to push dinner time as a family time, and not as a specific time to eat when they're this young.

I'm a firm believer of Ellyn Satter's philosophy (author of Child of Mine Feeding with Love and Good Sense and several other food/family books) that parents are responsible for what is presented to eat and the manner in which it is presented. Children are responsible for how much or even whether they eat.

Jennifer
Mommy to
DD 3/03
DD 6/05

Calling fellow BBB SoCal moms...we'd love to meet you!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/babybargainssocal/

[wendmatt]

We started eating earlier as a family a while ago and still sometimes have probs getting dd to eat much. If DH is not there she eats like a champ, so I figured it's an attention thing as I used to sit and read to her while she ate. She is getting better and tonight ate really well, but it's not consistent. Do you give him attention or are you more attentive to your baby? DD gets bored if I'm talking to DH and wants to get down sooner. Also, if I serve dinner too late (after 6pm) DD has gone past being hungry and won't eat much, so if your DS is asking for food, maybe he goes past the hungry stage? Who know with these toddlers!!

[Karenn]

I've had good luck with Ellyn Satter's books and ideas too. You might look into her book How to Get Your Kid to Eat, But Not Too Much. I think they have it at Amazon.

[StantonHyde]

Thanks to all for the good ideas. It sounds like we are doing what others are doing as well. I am going to get the books mentioned as I have seen her books recommended in several places. I did have to laugh about the person who said they did not have a nightly dessert. Neither do we--we just thought we could use pudding as a bribe to get him eat dinner:-) My son is not easily bribed-rats, there goes one good desperate mommy tool. Thanks again for the help.