How to help toddler adjust with new baby?

[llzink]

Hi, We just came home with our new baby girl. Our son (almost 3) is having a hard time adjusting to having a baby in the house. He has been very whiny and throwing tantrums. Before the baby he was close to being the perfect child. Listened well and did throw tantrums. I was hoping for some advice on how to help our son adjust and get back to his old self. Any personal advice or book recommendations on the subject would be appreciated.
Thanks

[kristine_elen]

We read "I'm a Big Brother" quite a bit w/son before our baby came. You could read it to him now. I also tried to act like having a new baby was no big deal. Also, it's HIS baby. That's how we treated it. I also made sure to give my son lots of hugs, etc., for no particular reason. If I can't do something with him, I just say I can't, I don't say, "I can't b/c I'm busy with the baby" which I think would build resentment. We've had no problems with jealousy/acting out, but that could also just be luck.

[missym]

I'm sorry your son is having a difficult time. It must be so hard for our little ones to understand having to share our time and affections. We have had some acting up and definitely an increase in whining since Becca was born.

What seems to help in our case is to involve Gwen in Becca's care as much as possible. She helps with diaper changes, picking clothes for Becca to wear, etc. We each make an effort to spend individual time with Gwen every day. We also tell her all the time what a great big sister she is and do some "leading" discussions about what a sweet baby Becca is and how fun it is to have her around. ;)

As Becca is getting older, it's so sweet to see them playing together. I know we're in for fights over toys soon, but for now Gwen really enjoys showing Becca how things work.

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03 and Rebecca 09/05

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[masha12]

What I did was make sure that number 1 never viewed number 2 as "competition" so no matter how difficult it was, if I was holding number 2 and number 1 wanted to be on my lap, I would let her climb on. I have gradually faded that out.

The other thing I did was teach and encourage number 1 to love the baby. When we play, I will frequently kiss the baby, then kiss the older one, and tell the older one it's her turn to kiss the baby.

Finally, I think it is important to have the right attitude. My attitude is that number 2 is not competition for number 1 but rather is another person in the world for number 1 to love and to be loved by. In addition to all the reasons I have to love number 1, I have added the way number 1 loves number 2 to the list.

Just what worked for me. Good luck.