My DH wants me to wean

[jubilee]

In my other post about weaning trouble I didn't mention the real reason I am trying: because my husband wants me to wean before Logan is 1 year old- which is one month away. He has been very supportive of my nursing but feels it is weird to nurse after 12 months. He is very sweet, so don't judge him harshly, but he does have this issue. I am partly ready to wean anyway, but since Logan doesn't seem inclined to wean I am okay with that too. I don't know what to do. Has anyone had this issue?

[Chelsey333]

I completely understand why he feels that way. I know a lot of people feel strongly about nursing and how long they should do it, etc. But I understand what he feels, as I feel a lot like that. Once they can talk or walk, it is time to wean - that is my personal decision on nursing. You have to do what is right for both of you and Logan. You will get a ton of different opinions, but ultimately you need to make the decision with your family. Good luck.

[toomanystrollers]

Just tell him that Michael Jordan was nursed to age 3 LOL - taken from the "Bitching Post"

Since you wear the breasts - you make the decision :)

[ppshah]

Personally I would gradually wean to keep all parties involved happy-maybe over a couple of months. How many times per day are you BF now? Maybe wean down to only morning and bedtime nursing over the next month and then gradually wean those over the next several months.

As far as DH is concerned I would just ignore it. My DH thought it was time to wean at 6 months. He wasn't pushy about it but he thought " that's when people start weaning" We weaned at 9 months mainly because of supply issues and my laziness in pumping.

HTH

[COElizabeth]

I am sure that weaning by a year is just what he is used to, so anything else seems weird to him. Would he be swayed by the fact that the World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatrics encourage nursing until age 2 (I'm weaning my son now, at 17 months, but I do know that is the recommendation)?

Also, perhaps he would be more supportive if he knew that many (but not all) babies start nursing much less often at age 1 and that you might not be nursing in public as much as you did before. For a few months now, we have nursed only when DS wakes up, before naptime, and before bedtime (cutting some of those out now), so most people don't even know I am still nursing unless I bring it up. Not that it's something one should feel the need to hide, but it's just happened naturally for us (well, with a little encouragement from me, but really pretty easily), and I don't think it's uncommon. You could also tell him that gradual weaning will make it much easier on your body (less risk of engorgement, mastitis, etc.) as well as the baby. I hope you can agree on a plan that works for all three of you!

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02

[deborah_r]

One way to approach changing his mind could be to point out that 12 months is a pretty arbitrary qualifier on which to base weaning. Babies all develop differently - when they crawl, when they walk, when they get teeth. It's not like we say "OK, he's 12 months now, he better walk. Let's start a regimen to get him walking!" Maybe that will make him see that it is unfair to you and Logan to force the weaning issue when neither of you are ready. Obviously though, it is important that you both be happy with how your son is raised, so maybe you could push for a compromise somewhere between his 12 mos. and whatever age you had in mind. Good luck to you!

[Rachels]

Have him take a look at this:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-refs.html

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[mharling]

Julie -
I SO feel for you because I am in a similar situation. After talking, the approach dh & I agreed upon is that we will START weaning at 1 year and do it gradually. The plan is to drop one nursing session every week or two. The first session of the day will be the last to go. I am very agreeable with this because I knew I didn't want to nurse more than 14-15 months (partly because we are going to TTC this summer; for personal reasons, I want a time period where I'm not nursing and not pregnant).

So I guess my bottom line is that you should sit down and really talk about it with him. Hopefully he sees that what you are trying now isn't working and he will be agreeable to change. Would a good compromise be to start weaning at a year vs. being weaned before he is one year old?

Mary
Lane 4/6/03

[momma_boo]

Julie,

I think your DH and mine have been collaborating. He's been extremely supportive of BFing but lately have been dropping lots of comments about when we are going to wean her and give her regular milk which is pretty annoying. Granted, I had planned to start weaning at 1 year (we're going to start making an effort to TTC). He only makes the comments when I'm actually nursing her, so I think he's finding it weird since she's older now. I guess take it slowly at your own pace and if DH questions it, say that a slow weaning would be better for your body and easier on Logan.

[Piglet]

Not to sound harsh, but we may wear the breasts, but our husbands are responsible for 1/2 of the baby and should have a say. I think that it is very important to maintain marital harmony and a unified front when it comes to parenting. We all want our husbands to be equal partners in parenting, so why should this decision be different? What if the roles were reversed? If you wanted to wean but your husband thought it was best to continue nursing to 2? Would you call all the shots or listen to him? I know that I would give my husband a chance to make his position heard and I would respect his opinion.

If it makes your husband uncomfortable, then you should have a discussion with him to find out why he feels this way. If he has valid concerns then I think you should consider his perspective and make a decision that all 3 of you can live with. Just because you are the one that can give your baby the gift of breastfeeding does not mean that you are the only one with a stake in the matter.