when do they typically self-wean?

[lisams]

I have also read many times that it is uncommon for a child to self wean before 2, although it does happen as we all know children are all different. I think the definition of "self weaning" is a little unclear, and that's where the confusion lies. To me it would mean that the child has lost interest for no other reason than self interest. Things like supplementing, supply issues and other health issues can prompt a child to lose interest but I wouldn't consider that self weaning since it was a combination of things that prompted the weaning (not that that is bad in any way, I'm just talking purely for the definition of "self weaning" and the statistics of when it happens). I think that's why the statistics seem alarming to some.

Anywho, DD went through a phase of not being so interested, but she always came around. There for a while she would basically do gymnastics while she was nursing and I just thought "isn't nursing enough, do you really need to be kicking you feet, tugging at my hair and wiggling all over the place?!!" but she settled down. This was right around the time she started crawling.

I would give it time, if she is ready then it is awesome that she is the one that gets to decide and that you are following her lead. But like I said, it could very well be a phase that will pass. I'm hoping things turn out wonderfully for the both of you! I have followed your struggles and triumphs and you are an amazing mother, no doubt about it!! Please keep us updated!

Lisa

[sntm]

> I think the definition of "self
>weaning" is a little unclear, and that's where the confusion
>lies.

I totally agree. When the situations are examined, there is usually an identifiable reason that prompted the weaning. The reasons may be clear (bottle-feeding, particularly with formula but also with EBM, a push for solids, an illness or separation) or may be more subtle (nursing gets delayed frequently or sessions are cut short, concern for perceived decreased nursing leads to encouraging solids, misinterpretation of cues regarding teething pain, nightweaning is enforced in a baby that prefers nursing at night etc.) One unifying aspect is that almost all of them can be overcome if they are recognized.

Do not make the mistake of labeling something self-weaning though until you have examined the much more likely possibility that something is promoting the weaning.

Rachel made excellent points also -- I highly recommend reading Dettwyler's research on weaning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]
Breastfeeding 14 months and counting

[stillplayswithbarbies]

Are you talking about the breast or the bottle?

Nine month olds do not self-wean from the breast. And I suspect it would be unusual from the bottle at that age as well.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/h...g_happens.html

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/babyselfwean.html

...Karen
DS Jake Feb 91, DD Logan Mar 03
http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/superpower.gif http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/bo...breastfed2.gif

[Momof3Labs]

Sorry, Shannon, but there was nothing that triggered Colin's self-weaning, except that he was ready to wean! He made the decision - not me - and there was nothing even remotely obvious that seemed to trigger the decision.

I find it interesting that none of the people speaking out against self-weaning in this thread have experienced self-weaning themselves.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

Lori, if Colin self weaned at 19 months, that is within the range of 18-24 months that was stated. I don't think anyone is saying that a 19 month old won't or can't self wean. The discussion has been about babies younger than 18 months, I thought, since that was the statistic quoted at the start.

My first son "self weaned" at 13 months. But if I had kept waking him up to nurse in the morning, he would have kept nursing, so was that really self weaning? Probably not. It was certainly parent led, because I am the one who made the decision to stop offering the breast. At the time I would have said he self weaned, but looking back on it now and knowing what I know about breastfeeding, I can see that it was not self weaning (assuming that by "self weaning" we mean totally child led weaning)

To me, self weaning (or totally child led weaning) means that you keep offering the breast until they refuse it. Other people follow a "don't offer don't refuse" method but to me that is gentle parent led weaning, not child led weaning.

I think this is a semantics discussion. "Self weaning" to some people means that weaning was easily done without a lot of fuss from the child. Others mean "self weaning" as the child stopped asking to nurse. And others mean that the child made a decision to stop nursing without being prompted by the parent in words or actions (actions such as not offering the breast).

If the child goes on a nursing strike and the parent decides not to do anything to get that child back to the breast, that wasn't self weaning and it wasn't child led weaning, it was a parent taking an opportunity to make a decision to wean the baby. I don't think they are called nursing strikes after about 18 months, I think they are called "weaning". :) (although some toddlers do go back to nursing later)

In my opinion, if the mother and baby are both happy about not nursing anymore, and the baby doesn't need the nutritional and other benefits of nursing, then it doesn't matter if weaning has happened and it doesn't matter whether the baby or the mother initiated it.

The important thing in this thread is for mothers of young babies to know that just because the baby seems disinterested in nursing does not mean that the baby is weaning. But if the mother wants to stop nursing that may be an opportune time to do it in a less tramautic way. Hopefully a mother would not decide to do that to a baby who is under 12 months and still needs the nutrition and other benefits from breastmilk. (older babies can still benefit from that nutrition and other benefits too of course)

...Karen
DS Jake Feb 91, DD Logan Mar 03
http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/superpower.gif http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/bo...breastfed2.gif

[lisams]

Please know I wasn't speaking against self weaning in any way at all. I think self weaning is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give your child if the mother is comfortable with it. I was just talking about how I have read it over and over in several different places. There are always exceptions as with everything, and especially when we are talking about children.

I hope you don't feel I was trying to say anything bad about early self weaning, Colin was ready (and actually in the age rage for when it is common to happen)! You did a wonderful thing listening to him and following his lead!

Lisa

[flagger]

Cocoa self-weaned from the breast at nine months. Some babies do self-wean and she did. As you put it, "To me, self weaning (or totally child led weaning) means that you keep offering the breast until they refuse it." Cocoa was offered the breast repeatedly and she refused it. End of story. Any comments to the contrary just fosters an attitude of guilt and judgement on those parents of children who self-weaned before twelve months. Cocoa highly benefited from the breastmilk she received.

As Kelly herself points out: "I am not a doctor or health care professional".

[stillplayswithbarbies]

Refusing the breast at an age when breastmilk is still needed for the nutrition is not self weaning, it is a nursing strike and there are ways to overcome that.

You took one sentence out of context of my other post. You missed the part where I talked about young babies who still need the breastmilk.

Any baby who has had bottles and formula is more likely to have nipple confusion where they develop a preference for the bottle. That is not weaning. There are ways to overcome that as well, if the parents desire to.

In the olden days before formula a 9 month old baby who "self weaned" would have died. There is no evolutionary reason for a baby that young to have a reason to stop nursing. It's just not how nature works.

...Karen
DS Jake Feb 91, DD Logan Mar 03
http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/superpower.gif http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/bo...breastfed2.gif

[flagger]

Sorry but you were not in my household when she was nine months. There was no nipple confusion as she had gone from bottle to breast with no problems. It was not however a "nursing strike". As with other comments in this thread, if either the mother or the child is ready for nursing to stop there is nothing wrong with that. It is a two way street. Cocoa self weaned at nine months and quite frankly Ms. Flagger was ready and quite happy for it to come to an end. It was a struggle to work full time and not pump enough to feed our child without supplementing.

Formula was a viable option and we are thankful it was available.

Quite frankly if a mother wants to wean her child at three months she should be just as supported as one who does EBF. Feeding is a very personal decision and either decision should be supported instead of posts from a certain segment here and on other boards who create doubt and feelings of guilt from mothers to whom providing breastmilk was or is a constant struggle.

Besides the OP was asking for opinions and anecdotal evidence. I gave mine. Cocoa refused the breast when repeatedly offered it. She self-weaned by your own definition.

[missym]

I think the statement that babies will not self-wean at 9 months is over-generalizing. All babies are different! My youngest sister self-weaned at 9 months, and nothing my mom did could coax her back. One of my other sisters nursed until 22 months and was gently encouraged to wean because my mom was very pregnant.

The OP has done a wonderful thing by breastfeeding her daughter for 9 months, through some difficulties. I would hate to see her feel guilty over this if her DD really is ready to wean.

Also, I would be wary of forcing a baby to nurse if she doesn't want to. Offering is fine, but "encouraging" can easily lead to forcing, and that is a road you don't want to travel, believe me. (BTDT)

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03