Breastfeeding frustrations...

[sarahsthreads]

I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown soon...or maybe just buy some earplugs and ignore everyone's advice, I'm not sure which... My daughter will be two weeks old tomorrow, and we're having problems with breastfeeding. I ended up with a cracked nipple, which the lactation consultant thinks is because that side seems to be the "super-producer" and is still engorged most of the time so the baby wasn't latching deep enough. So she told me to pump exclusively on that side for 24 hours and only nurse her on the other, and to use polysporin to try to heal the crack. After that I have to pump before feeding just to soften things up a bit. I have to say, this only seems to be making the engorgement worse so far, but then again it's only been about 16 hours.

Last night the baby was crying even after nursing for twice her usual amount of time on the other side and the pumping wasn't working very well. (This may have been due to the fact that while she nursed on the one side, the other leaked through the nursing pad, my bra and my gown...) The temptation to use a bottle was so strong - I was totally ready to give up. Plus, I'm still recovering from my c-section, so I can't lay on my side and cuddle my daughter in bed like my husband can to comfort her to sleep, so I felt like a complete and utter failure as a mother. Oh, and did I mention I have a terrible cold and can't even sing to her?

And on top of it all, my pediatrician, my mother and my mother-in-law all talked me into using a pacifier yesterday because the baby gained almost an entire pound from her 1 week checkup to her 2 week checkup. They all say she's using me as a pacifier and thus eating too much. (How this can be, when she only nurses 8-10 times in 24 hours and only for 15-20 minutes or so each time is beyond me.) But now every time my daughter even makes a peep, some well-meaning soul pops the pacifier in her mouth.

Does anyone out there have any advice? Does it get better? Everyone said going into this to give it two weeks, and most of the problems would be gone. I didn't have many problems at all until just a few days ago, and now I'm worried that everything's going to just keep getting worse. In any case, thanks for at least letting me vent. It's all so frustrating, especially seeing how zoned she looks when she's got that pacifier shoved in her mouth.

Sarah

[jbowman]

Sarah,

I am sending you a huge hug! I know this sounds crazy, but it sounds as if you are doing a good job--your DD has gained a pound and that's wonderful.

JMHO, but I am going to disagree (respectfully) with the advice you've been given. First of all, there is no way that a two-week old baby is eating too much. She is capable of self-regulating her intake. She needs to eat a lot! And that's my advice--maybe pump a little, but nurse, nurse, nurse (on both sides)! It will ease up the engorgement and make you both happy.

If you can do this (and I can understand if you can't), I would try to spend as much *alone* time with the baby--and nurse as much as you can. It sounds as if your well-meaning family members are (unintentionally, mind you) sabotaging your breastfeeding. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is my opinion. You need to take care of you and the baby--and not worry what others think you should do. JMHO.

I am sure that others will have advice, but I wanted to add my two cents. You are doing an awesome job, mom! Keep it up!

Good luck!

[dowlinal]

Sarah,
I completely agree with Jill. One thing I've learned since having Madeline is that things work out best for us when I follow my mommy instincts. So if you think the pacifier is wrong then put your foot down and say no. I know this is hard and I remember how rough things are at first. For the first three months I think I must have told well meaning people I'm the mommy about a thousand times.

I was hesitant to reply to you because breatfeeding did not work out for me but that was because I had huge supply issues that did not respond to anything. (We made it for 3 1/2 months until DD went on a nursing strike and my very low supply virtually disappeared) So I can't give any advice on engorgement but I know that our goal was to have DD gain atleast one ounce a day and that one pound a week would have been good. I also had a pumping/nursing schedule and I think the best advice I was given was to take it one day at a time. I kept putting a two week goal in my head. As in I'll try this for two weeks and if it isn't better then I'll stop and amazingly at the end of two weeks it was always better enough that I would decide to try for another two weeks.

It's hard work but once it clicks it is amazing - as many mommy's here can attest to.

Hugs and congratulations on your daughter!

[jillc]

Hi Sarah,

Big hugs to you, Girl! Hang in there. I promise it will get better soon. The first few weeks are tough. I agree w/the previous posters that it sounds like you're most definitely doing a great job at being The Mommy, so don't even worry about that for another moment. Trust your mommy instincts, and do what feels right to you. Even if you have to politely tell everyone else to give you and the baby some time alone for a while. Mothers and mothers-in-law (don't even get me started on this one...) assuredly have the best of intentions, but you can't let them tell you what to do. Have your husband nicely kick them out if need be. And if you have to kick him out too, then do it.

I had a cracked nipple early on on my superproducer side, too. I was able to get through it w/just using Lansinoh cream all the time and going topless around the house a lot (lovely). It did hurt to nurse, but it did heal & then no more problems. I didn't pump, just nursed. I find that the baby's mouth is so much more gentle than the pump, especially w/a sore nipple. Plus, pumping is such a pain in the butt. I know it must be so hard to find time to pump & nurse the baby & do all of the other stuff that you're doing just to stay alive! So tiring.

Gosh, I feel so bad for you, I'm trying not to write you an entire novel trying to help. :) I'll try to be concise!

Ok, here's what I would do: Do what YOU want to do. Just tell everyone "this is how I'm doing it and I appreciate your support" whenever it fits the moment - you may have to say this all day long, but stick to your guns & you'll get your point across & hopefully everyone will support you. If you don't like the pacifier (I'm sure it's fine, but it would have bugged me at this point, too), stop using it. Hide the pacifiers if you have to. If your DD is crying and you think she wants to nurse, then nurse her. It certainly doesn't sound like she's nursing excessively! And she can't nurse too much!! Yes, babies use their mommies as pacifiers, and have done so for eons! She's not going to become overweight. That is a totally unwarranted worry. If she's fussy & YOU don't think she's hungry, let her suck on your finger, or try to comfort her by walking, patting, bouncing, shushing, swaddling, etc. Remember that you might have to do all of these things at the same time.

I had a c-section too. I spent a lot of time propped up on the couch w/pillows, with Abby resting on my chest. And we were both really comfy and content. We discovered that she loves being patted on the back when being held. That calms her very easily. Might work for you. You can certainly find a way to cozy up w/her, I bet.

And even though you can't sing today b/c of your cold, you can probably still make "shhh shhh shhh" sounds, right? :)

Stay strong. It will get better soon. You're getting through the toughest part & you're doing great. Don't give up on the breastfeeding. It is so rewarding & will become so easy very soon. Plus, hopefully your nursing will keep the baby from getting your cold. :)

Let us know how things are going soon.

BIG HUGS!!
Jill

[pritchettzoo]

Ignore everyone else! Your baby isn't eating too much. Just wait until the 6 week growth spurt! ;)

It will get better. It might not be until the 2 month mark--it was hell for us until then. I made 6 weeks my goal. Then 6 months. Don't look too far down the road. I was so utterly miserable from the c-section and the sleep deprivation and probably some PPD that I was ready to give up too. But I made DH promise me he wouldn't let me give up until 6 weeks. By 6 weeks I had slept a little more, was healed more, and less crazy ;). Try to make a goal and tell your support system they will help you or else.

My daughter took and still uses a pacifier. There's a different suck babies use for pacifying and for nursing. My nipples got blood blisters from her just pacifier-sucking on me, and I used a pacifier. If you don't want to use them, throw them out. Or hide them where "well-meaning souls" can't find them. If you feel strongly about the pacifier, put your foot down. You're the mama and you have to set limits. If you let people walk over you about this, the next time it will be juice. Or cookies. Or coke. Or whatever, and you won't have a leg to stand on, KWIM? Nicely but firmly say it is your child and your decision and they need to respect your decision.

Babies have a strong sucking need. They suck their hands or thumbs in the womb. Some babies have a stronger need than others. DD needs hers to fall asleep. She won't be going to college with it, so I'm not worrying. Here's what Dr. Sears has to say about pacifiers: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/t023100.asp and http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t104600.asp But Dr. Sears' nipple wasn't feeling like it was going to fall off. You need to do what YOU think is best for your baby.

I mentioned the 6 week growth spurt. I think there's a 3 week one too. It could get "worse" before it gets better. I seriously spent one day with DD attached for the better part of 11 hours.

It DOES get better. We've gone almost 14 months with NO problems since about 8 weeks and better yet NO COLDS. I wouldn't make decisions now in the heat of sleep-deprivation and hormonal whackiness that you could regret later. Good luck!

Anna

[stillplayswithbarbies]

You've been given some good advice already in this thread, so I won't repeat things. But I do want to say that when baby uses you as a pacifier, that's a good thing. It's a bonding experience, and it helps to stimulate your milk supply so that you don't have supply problems later. But the most important thing to know is that when baby uses you as a pacifier, (it's called "comfort nursing" or "non-nutritive sucking") the baby is not actually getting milk, or is getting very little. Babies quickly learn how to suck to make the milk come out, or to not make the milk come out depending on what they want.

Note that this is not possible with a bottle, so bottlefed babies do need a pacifier or they will overeat. But it is not possible for a breastfed baby to overeat. They self-regulate even if they want to keep sucking after they are full.


...Karen
DS Jake Feb 91, DD Logan Mar 03
http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/superpower.gif http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/bo...breastfed2.gif

[Karenn]

Sarah,
Hang in there! I went through this with DS and DD. It DID get better! (It also took longer than 2 weeks for me.) With DS we were at 5 weeks before things started going well. With DD, things were better at 3 weeks. This time, at around 2 weeks, I remember crying to DH, "When does it get easy? I remember that it gets easy but it is so hard right now! If I didn't know that it got easy, I would want to quit!" We're at six weeks now, and it is easy.

Have you seen a lactation consultant in person? I think that was my mistake first time around. My hospital likes to do phone consults and that just wasn't as helpful. This time, sitting down with the LC in her office for an hour helped a bunch. The LC gave me similar advice to what yours has said, and she had a number of tips which helped me get the latch right.

With me, the cracks took quite a while to heal. That's what made it hard. Once I got the latch right, it still hurt like the dickens to nurse because the nipples weren't healed. I remember my favorite aunt telling me, "Honey, sometimes I just had to grit my teeth and keep going."

Last time I used nursing shells from Medela to help the cracks heal.[http://www.growinglife.com/NursingAcc/shells.htm] They were great. This time I used these [http://www.growinglife.com/sorebreasts/soothies.htm] and they worked well too, maybe even better. I also spent a great deal of time topless. Once I went back to nursing both sides, I would pump or hand express just until the milk started to flow and always nurse the less sore side first.

It does get better. Once you get past this rough patch you'll be so glad you stuck with it!

[houseof3boys]

Hang in there! It gets better but you might have some bumpy patches and stressful and exhausting times when the growth spurts hit. It is confusing on whose advice to listen to as well. I would recommend that you might check in with your local La Leche League and maybe go to a meeting when you are up to it. It is a great source of educated advice on breastfeeding!

We started using a paci at about 8 weeks and Ryan self weaned from the paci at 9 months old (we never changed sizes).

I bf for 13 months and it was awesome. The beginning was extremely challenging but the experience is so rewarding as so many will tell you. If you want to continue to bf, set your mind to it and do it! This is a great board for support, questions and encouragement so lean on us when you need to. :)

Hang in there....you're doing great.

[Rachels]

Just wanted to add my encouragement. I know it feels like forever when you're hurting and frustrated. We had a terrible start to breastfeeding, and I remember the despair very well. But I can tell you that it does pass and will get easier, and you will never be sorry that you breastfed your child. These few weeks are such a short time in the scope of her life, and even though they feel like they're dragging, I promise that they will indeed pass. If you need a sympatheitc ear, PM me and I'll be glad to give you my phone number. You can also get good support and advice at www.mothering.com/discussions, which has a section for starting out and overcoming difficulties. There are a lot of LCs who post there as well. Also, when I was at my lowest, this site helped me find the fortitude to stick with it:

http://promom.org/101/index.html

Best of luck to you. I know it's tough. It WILL get easier.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbo...pphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[DebbieJ]

The ladies here have already given you some great advice. I just wanted to add my hugs and support. It will get easier!

The key for me was to set small goals. One month, then two months, then four months, then six months, and now we're at 11 months and still going strong (despite a VERY VERY difficult beginning).

You can do it!

~ deb
Mommy to my sweet boy
B born 12/03
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/10023.jpg http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/10029.gif