SIL is thinking of NOT breastfeeding this time

[papal]

FWIW, even while bfing, my arms (heck, my whole body) was 'tied down'. I could never figure out how to nurse and go about my merry way doing other stuff. In some ways a bottle is more freeing. Someone else (even an older sibling) can help feed the baby. Aunts, uncles, husbands, visitors.. they can all help feed the baby.
And the initial 3 months would be much easier... it is was really tough for me in the beginning learning to nurse her every hour. With 2 other kids to boot.. I would have been incredibly exhausted. I know breast is best for baby but you have to consider what is best for mommy too. Ultimately, a tired, frazzled, stressed out mommy is not much good to her kids, ykwim?

[mamaturk]

My goodness.. I realize and understand that breastfeeding is the best for your baby, BUT I did not breastfeed my DD for reasons I am not willing to go into now but she is a VERY healthy, happy little girl!!
As for people saying the bond between baby and Mother is closer for a breastfed baby is really nuts IMO! I have a bond with my DD that no one could measure!!!
I realize that there are a lot of strong opinions flying here and the last thing I want to do is start a war, but please think of feelings here. I feel as though others think of formula feeding as poisoning your baby in some way??!! If it does not work out for your SIL.. it would not be the absolute end of the world. Again, I mean no harm.. just wanted to give my opinion on the topic.

[Judegirl]

For the record, I had no supply or latch issues, everything went fine, and I found breastfeeding VERY difficult, much more so than exclusively pumping, which is (I suspect) much harder than ff. But for me, it felt like OF COURSE it's harder than bottles. You're the only one who can feed the baby, you're constantly taking your shirt off when it's too cold or holding a hot wiggly baby skin to skin when it's too hot, you need to drop everything and nurse when the baby is hungry (which during our first 3 months was about every 7 minutes), you have to simply accept that you have no idea how much the baby is eating, and you want absolutely nothing to do with your own breasts most of the time. I couldn't even imagine nursing with two little ones running around. And I could not have breastfed for as long as I've pumped.

And I have to say that the decision to do something because it's easier is a noble one indeed. Folks, not one of here does the absolute "best" for our baby in every single way, because it's impossible. All of us are "lazy" in some regard. You may breastfeed but buy - even if only for yourself - food with artificial coloring or trans fats. You may make load her up with antioxidants but use formula. You may expose him to music, physical activity, travel but be too tired to tickle him. And so on.

Parents have GOT to choose when to take the easier route, all the time. Just because that's not the realm you'd choose doesn't make it a less worthy "easy road" than yours. Isn't this perspective exactly what that article someone posted a few weeks back attacked? The pressure to do what's "best" under all circumstances.

This woman tried what's "best." Her kids still suffered from ear problems and asthma, so I forgive her her skepticism about whether breastmilk is the miracle elixir we think it is. And frankly, breastfeeding is a major PITA for many of us.

I'm driving myself nuts to give my dd breastmilk for the first year. But I'm in no position to pressure someone else to do the same, no matter how well I dress that pressure up as "support."

LOL - I don't know what my problem is these days...I'd better take it down a notch! :)

Jude

[psophia17]

I didn't read the rest of the posts, but I had to read why your panties were in a bunch :)

I'm wondering, maybe AF is on the return path? I was in a big, bad mood for weeks prior to it rearing its ugly head...poor DH thought I was preggo!

FWIW, I agree with your post - the things I get "wrong" for DS I just don't post about, because I already know they weren't the best choice...but they were the choices I had to make...

[Judegirl]

LOL - Nope, AF just left. No excuses for me. *grin*

[Melanie]

I would have to say, if I was not a research nut and tried to find out everything I could about BFing, and ways to avoid some of the more common illnesses or conditions like you mentioned; If I was your SIL, I might think that too. After all, she BFed her children and look - they're still sick!

As for the bonding, I think FF moms can still bond as well if they feed their babies in their arms and make contact with them. However we've all seen those awful bottle-propping products and people do that. It does go beyond feeding, too. I think it depends just how much detachment behaviors they practice.

I really don't have any sort of advice...it depends upon your relationship with your SIL if you think you can gently offer some advice before her baby arrives. My son was exclusively BF and still got a terrible ear infection b/c he fell off of the bed and his neck became very misaligned. His ears were not working properly. Kids can also get asthma from environmental factors even if mom is BFing.


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Expecting #2
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[vikivoly]

No, don't make her feel bad, just try to "fix" her. Give me a break.

[Sillygirl]

Maybe it's best for the family.

Millions of babies have thrived, and will continue to thrive, on formula. Breast milk is superior, for sure. But there are also downsides to it, mostly for the mom. And if, for this mom, those outweigh the benefits to her child, that doesn't mean she's lazy or a bad parent or selfish. She can be a better parent when she's making the choices that make sense for her.

There's more than a hint of judgemental thinking going on in these posts, and on this board, and that troubles me. You don't have to sacrifice everything you like about your life to your children, okay? You can return to work, or decide pumping is too much of a pain, or put them in a baby swing so you can spend a few minutes in a bath, or use disposable diapers, or buy them toys made of plastic, or let them watch television, or buy baby food off the shelf of your grocery store! And you know what? Your kids will be FINE! They'll be better off if you're happy to have them around, and reasonably sane. If you don't want to do those things, that's okay, too. Maybe we could all get together and agree to stop picking apart each other's choices, and feeling superior when we're better martyrs or spend more money and more time on things that, realistically, are just options and lifestyle choices.

Food, shelter, love, medical care, stability and guidance. That's a full load for anyone to provide, and we all do it. So take whatever shortcuts you need to make sure those things are there, and don't feel the need to defend your choices or apologize to anyone.

I know I went OT a little, but that's been building up for a long time. Anyone is free to email me if they want to discuss it more.

[TahliasMom]

You mentioned that your SIL doesn't understand what illnesses are prevented by BFing so maybe start there. Get some articles from LLC or www.kellymom.com and just give them to her in passing telling her that you found some interesting articles about BFing and illness in babies/children that she might find interesting. That way you're leaving it up to her to read it. And maybe bring it up a week later and see if she had a chance to read it. Make her aware without preaching to her I think is the key.

Like many PP mentioned, BFing it's not a all or nothing deal. I can only imagine how hard it would be to BF #2, not to mention #3, since you're getting up every 1.5 hours or less in the beginning. Not much quality sleep especially when you got 1 or 2 active little toddler(s)already in your household. These thoughts cross my mind when I think about the future #2 because I can really function on 1-2 hour naps and still be there for #2? To me that's a personal question that only a mom can make and should be respected...

[sntm]

???

I suggested finding ways to support her to give her the best possible shot at being able to breastfeed, thereby also supporting her baby and his/her health. Not making the SIL breastfeed, not judging her, but giving her the information and/or support that she may be lacking. To quote Diane Weissinger "Life choices are always the individual's to make. That does not mean his or her information sources should be mute..." http://www.bobrow.net/kimberly/birth/BFLanguage.html

Once again, there is a double standard with breastfeeding as a health issue. If this was incorrect car seat use or putting a pillow in a crib, most of us would be falling all over ourselves to post suggestions on how to talk to the SIL. Yes, breastfeeding is hard. Sometimes harder than formula feeding. Many things that are important for our health and our babies' health are hard. Maybe instead of saying it doesn't matter or it's none of our business, we should try to HELP EACH OTHER OUT as much as possible to enable us all to do the right thing.

Furthermore, it is statistically likely that if her first two breastfed babies had X number of ear infections, if they had not been breastfed, they would have had more ear infections. (And more risk of countless other illnesses ranging from trivial to life-threatening, which I won't ennumerate). While there are healthy formula-fed babies and sickly breastfed babies, it is the extremely rare baby that would not be less healthy if not breastfed, all things being equal.
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shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03
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Breastfeeding 21 months and counting