SIL is thinking of NOT breastfeeding this time

[lisams]

That makes sense and I totally agree that a happy mommy is the best thing for everyone. I always thought that the only difference in the actual act of feeding a baby was that one is at the breast and one is at the bottle so I didn't get how FFing would make you less tied down, but I see what you're saying. I hope that whatever she chooses she has lots of help and support - either with feeding the baby or watching the other children while she feeds the baby herself.

When my friends decided to FF I never questioned them about it. I just figured it was their decision to make, and I know they've read many books and are informed. I think it's such a fine line.

Lisa

[Melanie]

>No, don't make her feel bad, just try to "fix" her. Give me
>a break.

The OP asked for our thoughts. That's a little harsh IMHO.

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Expecting #2
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[tinkerbell1217]

I have had people that advocate BF try to "help me out" with BF info for years while I was TTC and having MC after MC. I know the benefits and I know BF is not always easy. I did not BF my 2 older children and I have one healthy as a horse child and one child with many health problems (numerous ear infections, sinus infections, cerebral palsy, seizure disorder, ADD, amd mental handicap). Of course the BF advocates will prob try to tell my its all from being FF. This time I said I would TRY to BF. I made it 3 months before I could not handle it anymore. I felt like I had absolutely no freedom at all, my sleep was definitely suffering(more than just because I had a new baby in the house), I was always irritable, and it took its toll on my entire family. My older two kids suffered because I was a mess. I am so glad I started a bottle early so she would get used to it and I pumped so she would have BM for awhile before I switched to formula.

It is not a life threatening situation if you choose not to BF. Children will still grow up healthy and smart if they are FF. I am so tired of hearing that my choice to stop BF or my choice not to BF is going to physically and emotionally scar my child for life. That I won't be able to bond with my baby if I do not BF. That I am lazy or uninterested in bonding with my baby. That I am not doinf what is BEST for my child.

BF is not for everyone. Bottom line. No matter how good it is for the baby. If it means a sane mother, I would take formula over breast anyday. If it means a relaxed and happy family I will take formula anyday. This is coming from a mom who has done it both ways. Nobody should have to explain or apologize for their parenting choices. Whether related to discipline, TV watching, or how we choose to feed our children. Not choosing to BF isn't like putting your child directly in harms way like NOT using a car seat, which I see plenty of these days. Those parents prob BF their children! Who knows! If I am out and see a mom feeding her baby I think its beautiful, breast or bottle!

Guilting people into BF is a disaster waiting to happen. It doesn't make you into a supermom to BF. Those of us who FF are super too. We have chosen to raise children in these troubled times and contine trying to make the world a better place. I think teaching our children compassion and kindness is far more important than how they were fed!

Just my .02

[jadamom]

I agree it depends on your relationship with her. My SIL also chose not to breastfeed. I was surprised, but did not comment to her about it. I just didn't feel it was my place to do so since we are not close. If it were my own sister, however, I would speak my mind because we are extremely close and there's very little we don't share with one another.

[daniele_ut]

My SIL attempted to BF all 4 of her children and gave up after a few weeks each time. I am horribly ashamed to realize that I thought she just didn't try *hard* enough. I think, after all the reading I did while TTC about BF, that I looked down on her decision somewhat, and I feel awful about that now.

I was naive enough to think that if I just tried hard enough, I would be able to BF and that would be that. Well, now I am a mom of a preemie who spent 3 weeks in the NBICU, largely for feeding issues after his breathing problems were resolved by day of life 3. We tried SO hard to get BF right. In fact, he would have come home at least 10 days sooner if I had not been so insistent on getting BF right. In the end, though, traditional BF got the best of both of us. We were both in tears all the time, and I was terrified that he would end up back in the hospital if he wasn't gaining, and I had mastitis. I ended up making the commitment to exclusively pump because I wanted him to have breastmilk through RSV season, but it has been hard and I just take it a day at a time. Having been in my SIL's shoes now, I have a ton of respect for the fact, that despite the troubles she had each time, she tried AGAIN, 4 times. I will try BF again, but I don't know if I could ever EP again.

As for your SIL, she seems to me to be making an informed choice. If you are close to her, and feel comfortable, ask her what led her to her decision and if it is because of lack of support, offer yours. Otherwise, I'd just leave her be and don't judge her.

[TraciG]

Her reasons are that it's very time consuming, she has a 7 year old & a 3 year old & as I mentioned she feels it didn't help with illnesses since my nephew had so many ear infections & my other nephew has asthmatic tendencies, plus u never know how much milk they're getting & she said she never even enjoyed nursing.

[lisams]

This is OT but I wanted to respond to: "Not choosing to BF isn't like putting your child directly in harms way like NOT using a car seat, which I see plenty of these days."

I disagree. Not using a car seat isn't putting your child in harm's way. It's taking the risk that your child *could be* put in harms way and hurt. I think it is a good comparison to choosing not to BF, you take the risk. Many children are never in car accidents, and many FF children grow up very healthy. However, there are car accidents and there are cancers.

I'm just disagreeing with that statement, I think it's every family's medical and nutritional choice how they feed their child.

Lisa

[tinkerbell1217]

I still do not think of not BF as "taking a risk". But, thats my honest opinion and no amount of quoted research will ever convince me differently. BUT, I do believe not using a car seat or seat belt is putting your child in harms way. Doesn't matter if you are never in an accident.

[kijip]

For the record- I know dozens, if not hundreds (I work with families of neworns) of formula feeding families and I have never met a single one who uses a bottle propper. Not one time. Not even heard about 1 being used second hand. I am getting a bit skeptical of this particular sterotype of bottlefeeding families.

As for the rest of it, I will stay out. Lordy knows everyone here knows what I think about this. Come on over and see my formula fed (tiny bit if breastmilk till 5-6 months) healthy as a horse well attached tot for a little lesson....

[Rachels]

Katie, I don't hear anybody insisting that there are no healthy FF babies. The concern is that FF has risks, and you can't know beforehand whether your child will be susceptible to those risks or not. Refusing to even try to breastfeed is not in the best interest of a baby for that reason.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbo...pphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!