I don't understand the breastfeeding debate

[o_mom]

How do you define successful? I always wish I had my friend's BF relationship. Her daughter latched on within 20 min of delivery, never lost weight and she only had a bit of nipple discomfort. :P

DS1 wouldn't latch for 2 days, lost more than 10% of his birthweight, had syringe feedings for the first 3 weeks, supplemental bottles for another month after that. I was pumping and feeding around the clock and he still didn't pass his birthweight until he was a month old. We had thrush for 4 months complete with bleeding nipples. I also had what I now believe was retained placental fragment.

DS2 had a horrible latch, had to have occupational therapy for 3 months to correct it and we also had thrush for the first two months (again with bleeding nipples).

I added it up with DS1 and between a pump rental, doctor copays and prescriptions, we didn't break even until about 9 mos old.

I guess my point is that successful is how you define it. There are many women who would define your story as sucessful.

[randomkid]

I have to support Megs. I am in the same boat that she is in that it is very emotional for me. It was not my choice - that is what is so hard for us. It was NOT our choice. My choice was to breastfeed. I did choose to stop when I did and with everything I have read and with all of my heart, I regret it. I have a good friend who applauds me for doing what I did for 8 weeks. She says that many women would have stopped way before then and here I feel like I should have kept trying!

I absolutely hated ffing with every fiber of my being. I do not need a link to an article that tells me how formula is going to make my DD sick. I actually posted once about how awful I felt that I ff'd and that I felt that it was my fault every time DD got sick - even a little cold. I received a lot of replys from Moms who EBF'd and their DCs are sick all the time, have allergies and ear infection/tubes, etc. This is what causes debate. I feel like you are telling me I harmed my child when I feel that way already. I didn't want to do it!

As far as the inactivity comparison. That is a choice that some people also cannot make. They may have a medical condition that precludes them from exercise even though they know it is good for them. I am a physical therapist and I have had patients like this. I have had to tell people to NOT exercise as it is too harmful to them, even though I know more activity would be better if they could tolerate it. There are two sides to every fence!

[Jenn98]

For the record, I struggled too - thrush for 7 months straight. It was really hard, but I was lucky to finally beat it. So, while I was "successful" at nursing, it was hard for me. And I was forced to wean DD at 10.5 months because I was pregnant and it was medically necessary to do so. So, while I do not understand those who struggled far worse than I and had to use formula early on, I do have an idea of what a PITA nursing can be. I only say all this to toss out there that there is some middle ground - it's not always either easy as pie or impossible (and I'm not implying that anyone meant that.). I fell somewhere in the middle. My original question for this entire thread was really to understand why bf moms judge ff moms and why ff moms feel so defensive about it all.

[megs4413]

Excellent points, Kim. You said some of the things I was thinking but couldn't put into words.

"How do you think it makes me feel when someone says there are risks to formula feeding?"

Probably the same way it makes me feel! Heartbroken! There are also risks in starvation....there is a little something called failure to thrive....

"it's none of their business"
Perhaps this is the part that makes things so heated. As a FF mom you feel automatically like you have to defend your actions when honestly it's no one's business why i couldn't get the boobies going....you know? it's VERY personal. Making sweeping comments about the dangers of FF are very hurtful and misguided IMO....

I'm sorry you feel the same regret I do...I suppose it will never go away....

[melbb]

You are right. To me, successful would be DD getting breastmilk from the tap. But I know I cannot judge myself a complete failure as she does get breastmilk. It really doesn't matter how she gets the breastmilk. But I would rather have been able to bond with DD at the breast rather than bond with my pump, KWIM?

[megs4413]

I think so far this is probably the most successful BF and FF thread I have seen here. Maybe it's because you didn't have an agenda with your OP. That's probably part of the success of the thread. I think one of the reason the threads on this topic get so heated on the boards is because there is often an agenda behind a post that is veiled by the pretense of "information". I know this particular post will probably get some flames...but it's what I have seen. Kudos to you Jen for opening a topic where we can discuss this issue without resorting to personal attacks and aggression!

[o_mom]

>As far as the inactivity comparison. That is a choice that
>some people also cannot make. They may have a medical
>condition that precludes them from exercise even though they
>know it is good for them. I am a physical therapist and I
>have had patients like this. I have had to tell people to NOT
>exercise as it is too harmful to them, even though I know more
>activity would be better if they could tolerate it. There are
>two sides to every fence!

That is exactly my point!

Should we stop telling people to exercise and the risks inactivity simply because it might offend someone that cannot do so?

Should the next new mother be uninformed about the risks of formula because you weren't able to breastfeed?

I was only posting the link in response to the earlier comment by Megs that she hadn't seen any information on the risks of FF. I'm sorry if it offended you.

ETC typo

[megs4413]

you meant the risks of FF. I checked out the link, BTW. Very interesting....but I find it strange that I haven't ever heard the stat that 4 of 1000 american babies are killed by formula feeding. That is a crazy, wild, horrible statistic! If it is really the case, how sad that the information isn't out there! I wonder how babies die from drinking formula....?????

[Jenn98]

No kuddos necessary, really. I'm just naive sometimes and truly don't get things like this, or racism or discrimination - I just don't get why people attack each other. Doesn't make sense to me. I just as easily could have started a thread and titled it "Why can't we all just be friends?" :)

[o_mom]

Ooops! :-)

I think that stat is a composite of all the other ones. The excess diabetes, menengitis, SIDS, etc and the increased risk of death with those. It is common in epidemiology to produce numbers like that when assessing risk/benefits. Similar to saying that X number of people die each year because they don't exercise (to stick with a theme). They die from heart disease, diabetes, etc., which are linked to not exercising.