Anyone adopted a baby within the family?

[mustangcobra44]

We may be considering adopting a baby coming soon to our family and I was wondering if anyone has been through this before? Long and short of it is that my younger brother's girlfriend is now pregnant and they planning on giving it up for adoption. I hate to see a baby leave our family but not sure we can handle another one. Just looking for any insight you can offer.

[icunurse]

I think you might find a lot more insight into this at www.adoption. com In the "adoptive parents" area, they have a forum specifically for what you're interested in.

Just adding that with the way a lot of adoptions are done now -open adoptions- a baby adopted outside the family would still be able to have ongoing contact with you and the rest of the family (if that what your brother and his GF wanted). That is what we have with both of our adoptions and we see our children's birthfamily as extended family. We talk, write, visit, send pictures, everything. It might not be the best thing for anyone/everyone to raise a child you aren't sure that you are prepared for simply to "keep it in the family".

[mustangcobra44]

Thanks for the info. I was actually heading a different direction with the question so I'll clarify (come on, ya'll can't read my mind??!! ).
I was actually wondering about any potential pitfalls/unusual situations/ect that may come from a person being considered parent to a siblings child. Stuff like - does the child call your sibling "uncle so-and-so" or "dad", when or did you tell the child that their real dad was really the other person, ect, ect. I think with typical adoptions these may be easier to deal with given the distance between birth parents and adopted parents but since the birth and adopted parents would be in the same family and interact more in this situation I wasn't sure.

[dr mom]

Not an adoptive parent here, so I can't give you a personal opinion, but I did follow the link the PP recommended and landed here: http://relative.adoption.com/

"General Considerations

1. Just as with any adoption, there must be a proper termination of the parental rights of both the child's biological parents. New birth certificates are issued, and adoption records are sealed in accordance with state laws.
2. Adopting a close relative's child may be the best solution for the child, but it can cause a radical change in the dynamics of your relationship with that relative. These types of relationships have the potential to become strained or severely damaged due to questions of "quasi co-parenting" and exactly who is the child's parent. The reality is that this dynamic will be different for everyone involved, including all family members, and extending to other children the biological parents may have now or in the future. You will be confronted with questions of relatedness (is your child their cousin? sibling? aunt? uncle?), among others. Can this be done? Yes. Will it be a snap? No. The openness encouraged in adoptions today will help communication with all parties, and those experienced with relative adoptions strongly recommend counseling before and after the adoption whenever possible.
3. Depending on the child's age and the circumstances of the adoption, talking to your child about the adoption may involve additional complexities due to previous and current relationships, death and grief, disappointments, and human failings. Do seek out support groups."

If you go to the forum on that site, there are several posts from people who have BTDT that speak to your question - with headers like "need advice on adopting sister's baby" "should I adopt my kinship placement" and "open kinship adoptions." I'd go look there, since your situation is pretty specialized, I don't know that you're going to find many BBB adoptive parents who have been in the exact situation you're inquiring about.

[BabbyO]

This may be too late to help you but for others who may be in a similar situation I want to share my story.

I had a baby 15 years ago. I was 18, too young to be having children of my own so my boyfriend and I decided to give the child up for adoption. About 2-3 mo after I found out I was pg and after we'd decided to give the child up, my aunt and uncle approached us about adopting the baby. It was a unique situation in that my aunt and uncle had been trying for quite a while and were just told their only option was adoption or a surrogate. They also lived in another state.

We decided to give the baby up to them. However, the entire time I was pregnant, the father and I both went to counseling to have on record that this was our decision and we were not being coerced. Additionally, once the child was born he was in foster care until the court date for the placement hearing. At the placement hearing we were also sure to do to the following:
1. Terminate my rights as a parent. I could never come back and say this was my child, I'd terminated my rights.
2. Adjuticated my boyfriend as the father. This entailed testifying to the fact that he could be the only possible father of the child and basically declaring him the biological father.
3. Terminate the biological father's rights as a parent.

These steps protected my aunt and uncle (and the child) from having either me or the father come back years later and try to claim that we were legal parents.

Everything worked out fine. The child, calls me his "other mom" within the family though legally I'm his cousin, and that is how I'm referred to outside of the family. Things were never weird between us. His parents were always open and honest about his being adopted and I believe that they always celebrated his official adoption day. When he was 5 yrs old he started asking about his "other mom." He always knew he was born in this state and when they came home for a family visit he was bent on determining who his "other mom" was. We all sat down with him, his parents, me, and my grandma (that's where they were staying for the visit) and told him. He was sitting on my aunt's lap, next to my uncle. They told him I was his "other mom." He came over and hugged me, then ran back to his mom.

It is 15 years later and I just had my first child. DS has a very special big brother...and his big brother is VERY proud of his younger sibling even though they live almost 1,000 miles apart.

It can be a very good thing and a blessing, but I would caution you to take similar precautions.

I don't know how often they are in contact with his birth father; we lost contact many years ago, but I know that they do have his info on file at the adoption agency. I believe there is some contact, but it is not any of my business.

[Pepper]

Awwww, Babby, thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel like we never get to hear the birthparents' side of things. I'm so glad that everything worked out for you!

[citymama]

BabbyO, that is a very moving story. Thank you for sharing.

[TwoBees]

BabbyO-
I am so glad things worked out and you and both of your children have such a loving family.

[BabyBearsMom]

BabbyO,

Your story made me cry (happy tears). What a beautiful story!

[BabbyO]

BabbyO,

Your story made me cry (happy tears). What a beautiful story!

Aww, shucks everyone, you're making me blush!

I was in a pretty fortunate situation...though I'm pretty certain we would have gone the adoption route regardless of who was adopting...it was best for my little guy.

God was truly a part of this one...what I didn't mention was 18 years earlier it was this same Aunt who with a prayer group prayed over my mom when she was at a very critical point in her pregnancy with me. Mom was in danger of losing me and she has always said that she believed if my Aunt and her prayer group didn't pray over her that evening, I wouldn't be here.