Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    105

    Default How do you respond?

    I'm new to this: being a mom of twins. I love it, I still can't believe it sometimes, two babies, I have two babies. I wasn't prepared to become a spectacle everywhere I go with my twins. I know everyone who says something or asks a question means well, so far at least, but at times it's overwhelming and time consuming to chat with everyone. How do you deal with this? I assume and hope I'm not the only one experiencing this. I don't want to be rude but my babies are only 8 weeks old and I foresee this continuing as they get older. Thanks!
    Heather ~

    Connor and Addi (8/08)

  2. #2
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    16,088

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by la mama
    I'm new to this: being a mom of twins. I love it, I still can't believe it sometimes, two babies, I have two babies. I wasn't prepared to become a spectacle everywhere I go with my twins. I know everyone who says something or asks a question means well, so far at least, but at times it's overwhelming and time consuming to chat with everyone. How do you deal with this? I assume and hope I'm not the only one experiencing this. I don't want to be rude but my babies are only 8 weeks old and I foresee this continuing as they get older. Thanks!
    I know exactly what you mean. I so was not ready for that. Mine are now 10 months old and it has gotten a bit better but not much. You'll find some pat answers that feel comfortable for you to say to those dreaded repeat questions. Here's some of mine: "no we don't have twins in the family." "No, they aren't identical- one's a boy and one's a girl." "Yes, we are very busy at home but it's a total joy most of the time."

    I've heard of people asking to touch other people's twins but I've never been asked that because of this sign: www.mytinyhands.com. I have 2 of these signs- one on each of their carseat carriers and I HIGHLY recommend them for you- especially with the winter coming on. People want to touch babies all the time and it seems moreso with twins. These signs really help so that YOU don't have to be the mean mommy everytime some excited grandma wants to touch your children when you are out and about. They are $5 a piece and worth every penny.

    At some point you just learn to go on shopping while people are standing there ogling your children. You smile, answer a few questions and go back to looking for whatever it is you need whether they are ready to stop talking or not. Most people have seemed to understand that I'm not being rude, I'm just busy.
    "People are made for happiness. Rightly then, you thirst for happiness. Christ has the answer to this desire of yours. But he asks you to trust him." -St. John Paul II

  3. #3
    fivi2 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    .
    Posts
    5,278

    Default

    You know, it's funny... I have almost 3 yo id girl twins and I used to get so annoyed when everyone would stop us. Until I realized that I do it to other MoMs! I always stop (even when I don't have my twins with me) and say something about other twins (and usually tell them I have twins) even though I KNOW how annoying it is! I just can't help myself. So I try to be patient with the people who want to talk. And yes, we still get it constantly, but that has more to do with mine being identical, I think. Many boy/girl sets I know stop getting the constant attention as they age and it becomes less obvious that they are twins.

    The most common comments I get are "you have your hands full" and "double trouble". I usually smile and say yes, but they are a lot of fun. I haven't noticed my girls being bothered by the sort of negative comments (about how hard they must be) but I always try to keep my response positive. My girls do, however, think that everyone wants to talk to them and loves them. Which can be cute, but also embarrassing - like when they pose for strangers who are trying to photograph their own children! My girls are convinced that everyone just wants pictures of them!

    I also did not let strangers touch them (preemies born in the winter). The worst is other kids who are a little older - they are fascinated by twins. Now I am pretty relaxed about it. There are some cultures around here who believe it is good luck (for the babies, I think? Not really sure what it all means, actually) to touch them. I usually allow it, but may discreetly use a wipe afterwards.

    The signs pp mentioned look great. And I agree - I usually smile, say something (often tell the girls to say hi also) and then go about my business. I do still get REALLY annoyed when I am struggling with my girls and my hands full of bags trying to open a door and some just stands there and tells me that I must have my hands full. Those are the only times I want to scream that they could help by holding the door!

    Good luck!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,070

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fivi2
    The most common comments I get are "you have your hands full" and "double trouble".
    Yep, been there, too! (And still am!)

    Agreeing with pps, smile, answer briefly and move on. I find that I have to give myself extra time when going shopping, etc., just b/c I know we'll get stopped multiple times. And yes, I do feel like a spectacle sometimes. That's a good way to put it.

    And I am always on my guard for people wanting to touch them - mine were also preemies born in late fall. If it looks like someone is going to touch them, I reach my hand out to cover the boy, and say "please, if you don't mind, I'd rather you didn't touch him." Not rudely at all, just matter of factly.

    I like the sign idea from gatorsmom a lot! I wrote a sign in the BP awhile ago after being annoyed with constant questions. Let me see if I can find it ... here it is ...

    Ha! Can I make a sign, too?

    Yes, they are twins.
    No, they do not look anything alike.
    No, they are not identical twins. (I've found that a lot of people do not know what an identical twin really is.)
    No, they are both boys, not a girl and a boy. (DS1 has gorgeous curly, dark hair and is constantly being mistaken for a girl.)
    Yes, twins run in my family.
    No, they are not from IVF. (This one really gets my goat, so to speak, b/c I worked in IVF in my previous life and I think this is incredibly personal and a completely rude and thoughtless question to ask someone, as if the answer even matters. ) - on a few occasions, my response to this question is: "why do you want to know?" Which is usually met with a blank stare.
    Yes, I do "have my hands full".
    No, I do not "need to have a girl now".
    Yes, that's nice that your cousin's best friend (or sister or whatever) has twins and ... insert some silly piece of advice here ...

    I'm sure I could go on and on if I thought about it more.


    People do mean well ... and it does get a bit easier to deal with people in time!


    Edited: typos! I'm holding a squirmy boy right now.
    Last edited by mamaoftwins; 10-12-2008 at 04:20 PM.

  5. #5
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    21,572

    Default

    I still get comments constantly, but they bother me much less. My girls were also preemies born during flu season, and they were ALSO extremely afraid of strangers and going out in public. When people would approach us, they would literally freak out and I would have to leave. One of the reasons I am now on Prozac....
    Anyways, I would try hard not to meet anyone's eyes and move quickly through the store to do what I needed to do. I would also keep the sun shades down on the carseats when they were still in the duoglider. People are amazingly obnoxious and some of the comments really floored me. Always "double trouble", "you have your hands full" "better you than me", etc. One sweet little girl told her mother that she wished their baby was a twin (which I thought was adorable) and her mother replied loudly "Oh my gosh, no." Shocked me that she would say that to her child and to me! People have asked me if they were natural or not, which is also amazing. Who asks about a stranger's fertility or SEX life for heaven's sake?!?
    I have also had some really touchingly sweet comments, like "what a precious gift from God!" and "how special your family is".
    Under no circumstances do I allow strangers to touch my children. Becoming a mother has suddenly grown me a spine. I would totally have liked having those signs, but if it comes down to it, I will just say, "don't touch them".

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •