Gymnastics class drama- am I being a hover mother?

[citymama]

Yikes. That is NOT okay. And your instincts are right, IMO; if that's what happens when you're in the classroom, what happens when you're not? Talk to him and his supervisor ASAP. This doesn't sound like a good fit for your son. And honestly, I would want to know if another parent had witnessed something like this at a class my kid was in, so if there's a discreet way to let other parents know, consider doing so. Sounds like they need an additional instructor, as this guy may have been at his wit's end and lacking the space/skills to handle the situation more maturely/professionally. And/or that parents need to be part of the class on a regular basis.

[KBecks]

I wouldn't be comfortable with it, although other parents may not find it problematic. I would look for another activity and possibly look at Tae Kwon Do, which I have heard is awesome for active boys.

I am ok w a time out and some physical contact, but rough handling is not ok

[bethie_73]

You should pull him. You are not overreacting, and its you job as a parent to hover some

We do soccer (which is totally different, I know) DS is 2.5 and the class is technically for 3-4 yr olds. There are mostly boys in the class, and they do act out and have some issues with sitting and listening (you should see it ) I have NEVER seen the teacher touch the kids. We are right there, but still. He has needed to do a little timeout and talk to kids when they push etc. But I would be PRETTY upset if I saw some one grab my son. Heck when the boys have scrabbles I get upset, even though the teachers are good with dealing with it.

[MamaMolly]

Another vote for pulling DS out of the class and finding a better fit. I teach in a music program for little ones and 3 year olds are the runners in the class. Sometimes it is a girl, more often I see it in the boys. It just has to do with the age. That being said, I think that this teacher has unrealistic expectations of a 3 year olds behavior. What your son is doing is age and developmentally appropriate, what the teacher did is NOT.

Unless your son or someone else was in immediate danger, then the teacher had no business touching them in a rough way. I personally don't mind someone touching DD to re-direct her, but then there are plenty of ways to redirect him that don't involve rough handling.

Your mama warning bells went off, and you should listen.

[megs4413]

I'd pull him out,but i'm a hovering overreacter, so i'm not the best person to ask.

[miki]

Pull him out. That is not ok. DD has taken gymnastics class for a number of years at a local place that is known for their competitive program. No instructor EVER manhandles a child and I have watched every one of her classes. The only times I have ever seen an instructor touch a child is to spot or to comfort if there is a fall.

DD's gym has a few classes that are boys only. They are run differently with a little less sit-and-wait time. Perhaps see if one is offered near you. Good luck.

[mommy111]

My DD had similar issues in school-organized gym class. I was not there. From what I get from her, she was running around. Teacher pulled her by the arm and poked her in the stomach (not rough from what I get but just kinda, 'you have a timeout, you sit down, touching her when he said the you) My daughter HUGELY objected (I even posted about it here and was roundly grilled for not being a supportive mom I appreciated the advice, though). She still has to go to gym class, but we've discussed this with her teacher and, if she is uncomfortable, we've told her its OK for her to sit on the side or skip gym and ask to be taken to the library.
In your son's situation, I would pull him and TELL them why.

[lizajane]

Yes, he definitely knew about the sensory/language and cardiac issues. Maybe I'm just a wimp, but I can not even picutre how a discussion with the teacher would go. I was planning on having DH call. (Insert bag over head smiley here)

How do you say to someone, "I saw you jerking kids around by the arm and plunking them down really forcefully. Do you mind not doing that anymore?" And if I did have that convo, what would be the benefit- kwim? It's not like this is the only gymnastics class out there. I've been going over it and over it since it happened, and I came to the conclusion that if I were watching the situation from neutral p.o.v., I would tell another mother to pull her child, so I don't know why I feel at all conflicted about it.... Maybe because it just seemed so out there that someone would do that when he knew the parents were watching? I think the glass is one-way glass though, so maybe he didn't know I was watching?

here is how my script might go:

when i signed up for this class, i made sure the employees were aware of my son's specific needs and challenges and they assured me that this class would still be appropriate for him. i understand how challenging it is to keep active kids engaged and that they can distract other children. however, i was uncomforable with the way you physically restrained the children and roughly sat them down. it can be hard to be creative and find ways to keep them under control, especially when there are two of them, but using force is never acceptable with any child and especially not with MY child who already has a unique situation. i hope you can assure me that this was a one time event and that in the future, you will not use your hands or your strength to control undesired behavior in class but instead, use your voice or ask a parent for help. if you cannot, i am afraid i will have to find another gymnastics class for my child.

[Tondi G]

not ok... I would pull my child and be getting a refund. My DS started Tae Kwon Do at age 5 and he was a little wild and unfocused. He too had another little boy start the same day and the two of them fed off of each other.... goofing around etc. Never once was my child handled roughly.... they separated the boys, got them focused on the next thing. Not once has anyone ever touched my child in a way that I didn't approve of. He's now been in TKD for 1.5 years and we have been SOOO happy! I highly recommend TKD if you haven't considered it... it has been a wonderful thing for our family and our ACTIVE boys!

[irie i]

I taught dance classes to little ones for 4 years. YOU ARE NOT IN THE WRONG. I don't believe that the teacher acted appropriately. Trust me I can understand being frustrated...I have been there...but it is unacceptable for him to put his hands on the children harshly.

When I taught dance/gym we NEVER allowed the parents to be in the studio. You would be surprised at how much this helps to eliminate some children's bad behavior. Parents could still watch through a window but the children could not see them.

When their parents aren't around they do tend to follow the rest of the pack and do as they are told...but every now and again of course there were children who misbehaved because they were overactive, not interested or otherwise not focused.

As a general rule children under the age of 7 HAD to be accompanied by a parent or a responsible representative of the family. When they did misbehave we tried to refocus them once, threatened that they wouldn't get their cookie at the end of class the second time, and lastly we would take them out of the room and ask the parent/guardian to allow the child back in when he/she is ready to rejoin the class. Most of the time the child would come back after 5-10 minutes...but sometimes they did not. Our most problematic kids were the ones who simply weren't interested in the class...eventually, most of them were pulled from the class. The others went on to act silly/misbehave during the recitals and get huge laughs...hee hee...which of course only encouraged their behavior...but that was part of the fun (shhhh!).

We NEVER EVER put our hands on the children in anger. We never picked them up. What we would do is usher them out of the room with a soft, open hand on their upper back while holding their hand with our other one. I don't think this man was in the right. If I were you I would pull my child from that class immediately and find somewhere more fitting with more patient and understanding teachers. Being a part of something like this can potentially do wonders for the issues you say he has...but this teacher isn't going to make things any better for him. You may even try a larger class. I have noticed that children tend to "follow the herd" better when there are more children in the class.