I'll admit that I didn't read your entire post since I have twins and a 3yo driving me crazy right now, but I'll say that I had a scheduled c-section for the twins birth and so lined up help up front. I wouldn't have had any night time help since my wimpy husband said he needed his sleep and didn't want to be bothered with the twins crying off and on all night (he does work a ton, though, so I accepted that). So, he offered to pay for a post partum doula. She came at night around 9pm and stayed until 5am. She did that for the first 3 weeks. Also, I had a fulltime, live out nanny that came around 8am and left around 5pm every day. She started when I was about 8 months pregnant with the twins because they were getting really big and since it was my 3rd pregnancy, the OBGYN was concerned about me going into preterm labor if I was too active. The nanny took care of my 4 and 2yo boys. So, after the twins were born I had a nanny take care of the older boys during the day and a ppdoula came to help with the twins at night. I took care of the twins during the day and my husband did help with the older boys in the evening and at night (though they are pretty good sleepers). Even with this help, it was hard. I was sore and trying to recover from that surgery and shrink organs back into shape. Also, Sisi was not gaining weight from breastfeeding so I was trying to supplement formula for her and she was going to the ped once per week for weight checks and to check her bilirubin. my goal at that time was to sleep and heal as quickly as possible so I could let the ppdoula go and take over more duties in the house.
Keep in mind, we have no family that lives nearby that could help me. And I knew this would be a particularly difficult birth to recover from because I was soooo stretched out. I was huge and the babies were big (6lbs and 6.5lbs at birth).
I suggest you have someone there to help you with the 3yo during the day (at least for the first 2 weeks) and get help with the twins at night from your husband or MIL or mother if they live nearby. Also, arrange for your DH or a friend or anyone who offers to help to wash and fold your laundry for the first few weeks. Twins generate a lot of laundry. You should also have someone else do your grocery shopping for you for the first couple of weeks and then arrange someting with your husband. You DO NOT want to grocery shop with all those kids. You might want to check into a grocery delivery service. We did this and it was wonderful.
I would say good luck and expect the worst. THat way you will be prepared for every eventuality!
ETA: I just had a moment to read your entire post. If I were you, I'd ask your mom to take your 3 yo to preschool in the mornings for you. Like another poster said, that will be hard with 3. And maybe your mother could pick the 3yo up? Or your DH? Or maybe you can carpool with another parent- at least in the beginning? And maybe your mother could help DH with the laundry? I'd have DH do the grocery shopping and absolutely get some meals made one of those Let's Dish or Super Suppers type places. If a friend asks how she can help, maybe you could pay for the meals and ask her to go and assemble them for you?
As for the uneasiness surrounding hired help, I'll admit I felt exactly the same way you did. But i did a very, over-the-top thorough job of checking references (I checked 4) and getting extra background checks done on our nanny. She has turned out to be wonderful with my kids who would have ended up watching way too much TV if she weren't here to help them. As it turns out, we still use her part time to help watch the boys 3 days per week. I still don't LOVE having her here although she is excellent and I am very happy with her work. The bottom line is, I'm crazy about having a nanny, but our house runs better when she is helping us so I suck it up and just think about how much better it is for my kids that she helps us. From what you've said though, it sounds like you'll have enough help and won't need to hire anyone like that. Rather than hiring someone to help with the kids, you would probably be better off getting your groceries delivered or having your DH to take your laundry to a launderer. That would be cheaper than a nanny and allow you to spend your time with your children rather than shopping and cleaning. hth
Last edited by gatorsmom; 11-07-2008 at 06:13 PM.
" I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi
"This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.