Disciplining Twins (help!) )

[fivi2]

Has anyone found any good resources that discuss the special considerations when disciplining (or rewarding) twins? I think mine are a bit older than most of the regular posters on this board (even though they are only 3.5). But I am pulling my hair out!

I think part of it is just this age, but I do think that twins present special problems. They reinforce each other constantly, so my attempts to praise/ignore are pretty meaningless... I really haven't found anything helpful, but I was hoping someone else had?

TIA!

[Melaine]

Nope but I would sit at this computer for the next 3 weeks if I thought a helpful reply was coming.

[Melaine]

Wow, that sounded really pessimistic. Almost as if I didn't think there was an answer to this issue....
but I really really REALLY feel your pain right now. And I would even take it farther. I think identical twins are the most difficult, same-sex fraternal a little less difficult, and boy/girl twins the least difficult. This is just based on my observations about the twin dynamic. That being said, I really haven't found any particular methods to combat the challenges.

[twowhat?]

Ugh mine are only 10 months old and are fighting over toys (pulling hair and yelling warrior yells!) and throwing tantrums if they don't get their way. I am so tired already of all the crying...and to think that soon they will be doing this...with WORDS. O. M. G.

[Melaine]

Dang it, twowhat, we were hoping you had a solution.

Also, don't worry about the words....mine are still mostly fighting in shrieks and squeals.

[twowhat?]

I've posted a similar question on the TWINS magazine message board (which is WAY more active). Didn't get much of any response. Doesn't bode well, does it?

[fivi2]

Well, mine do fight in words, but quickly revert to attack mode! It does go in waves though, ime. We'll have a good stretch and then a terrible stretch.

But Ihave a problem with all of it. Rewarding one and not the other... Or if my natural punishment is to leave wherever we are bc of bad behavior, I feel terrible for the one who wasn't behaving badly... I haven't found a good punishment for trying to claw your sister's eyes out

So yeah, identical girls here. I can't wait for middle school

[Melaine]

But Ihave a problem with all of it. Rewarding one and not the other... Or if my natural punishment is to leave wherever we are bc of bad behavior, I feel terrible for the one who wasn't behaving badly... I haven't found a good punishment for trying to claw your sister's eyes out

Yep, we have been dealing with this with potty training. At first DD2 was doing much better at potty training, DD1 was really struggling. Then we sort of took a break and DD1 started going by herself while DD2 seemed to lose interest. Either way, it was SO difficult to praise and reward one, the other one would just LOSE it and pitch a fit. EVERY TIME we get in the car, they both want one particular car seat (they are the exact same seat) and it is constant competition. You really can't even reward good behavior a lot of the time either. There are times when one child is behaving well (like riding cheerfully in the grocery cart) but the other isn't, so instead of letting one walk they just both stay in the cart.

[longamkl]

I have been wondering the same thing. My b/g twins are just about 10 months and he pulls her hair all the time. He gets a look a glee on his face (he's fascinated with hair) and no amount of my saying "no" sternly, slapping his wrist lightly or pulling him away seems to help. He just goes at it again right away.

They are also fighting over toys but that hasn't been as serious yet. He just doesn't seem to understand "no" although I swear he understands many other things I say...

Is there a book I should be reading?

[fivi2]

I just saw longamki's post. At 10 months, I don't really think they are old enough for impulse control. You pretty much just have to be there to run interference, IME.

I wish I did have a book rec!

Good luck