What were you?

[pinkmomagain]

I am doing this poll for part of my adolescent psych class. Not required, just for my own interest. If you care to elaborate, can you tell me:

1) Were you happy with the group you were included in? Did you feel like you really identified with them, or were you wanting to be part of another group, or just out of a group all together?

2) If you were popular, how did you feel about it at the time and how do you think it shaped you as an adult?

3) If you were less-than-popular, how did you feel about it at the time and how has it shaped you as an adult?

I didn't do the poll because I didn't identify with any of the groups listed and there is no "other" option.

I was not popular, but was not a geek. I was just in the middle. I was involved with theater and orchestra... so I guess among the more artsy kids. I was also in honors classes.

I was always happy with my friends and never desired to be part of another group. I am not an envious or competitive type of person. If there is something I want I get it for myself. So I was with the people who I wanted to be with. I shared things in common with them, got along, and felt comfortable around them. I don't think my "group" in school affected me in any particular way as an adult. I continue to be someone who choses carefully who I surround myself with.

[justincase]

So, as I said on the other thread, I was teased pretty mercilessly from third grade through maybe ninth grade. I would cry and get sick to my stomach and tell my mom I didn't want to go to school. I had skipped a grade, which marked me as an outsider. It also made me a year younger than everyone else. And had a mom who didn't seen any reason for "little girls" to be wearing makeup or having trendy clothes or trendy hairstyles or "going out" with boys -- and good for her, too! So, uncool clothes, uncool hair, not a bit athletic, too smart, not allowed to do stuff everyone else was doing. At the time I was miserable. I had literally one friend through all of that. By the time I got to high school there were more kids to choose from and I found friends with common interests and didn't care anymore what the cool kids thought, so I got happier. The cool kids were probably also too busy doing their cool thing (which in my town was partying excessively) to care about teasing anyone.

As an adult, though... I feel like at least two good things came out of all of it. First, I have a pretty thick skin and a good sense of myself. If someone doesn't seem to like me, that's okay, I don't have to think it's necessarily a reflection on me. I'm not bothered/stressed by the "cool moms" in town the way some of my friends are. I think part of this is owed to my parents, who really instilled a sense of my own worth in me. But part of it also comes from all those years of being teased and bullied and put down -- if I had defined myself by what other people thought, I would have been in big trouble. Second, I think I'm gentler with people than I might otherwise be. I can be sarcastic and sharp, and I have high expectations for other people's behavior... BUT my edge is smoothed off by my first-hand knowledge of just how easy it is for people to hurt each other. I think my natural inclination would be to (carelessly, not deliberately!) tromp on people's feelings a lot more if I didn't know what it felt like to be on the other end of the tromping.

This is a really interesting thread!

[MommyofAmaya]

I'm back to do the poll.

1. I associated mostly with the skater/punk/goth crowd and was perfectly happy with them, but that did not stop me from having many friends outside of that group.

2. I was relatively well-liked in high school. I went to six different schools and managed to make many friends throughout those years. I think that being forced to assimilate over and over made me more confident at the time and has had more of an impact on who I am now than than popularity or lack thereof.

I tend to believe that had I not worn the "badge" of skater/punk/goth, ie. dyed hair/vintage clothes/lots of earrings/etc. it would have been more difficult for me make friends so easily. I was easily identifiable as "one of them".

[jenmcadams]

I identified with popular, brain and jock:

Jock - I was a three sport varsity athlete (XC, Basketball, Track)
Brain - AP classes, etc and graduated 2nd in my class
Popular - was always in student government (ASB President Senior Yr) and Homecoming/Prom Queen/Princess, etc. each year

I also could have easily identified with Aggie/Cowboy and Punk/Goth.Skater. I was in 4-H from Age 9 until Age 17 and two of my closest friends were solidly in the Punk/Goth/Skater world and I easily hung around with them.

High School was actually good for me (unlike Middle School which was a nightmare). In middle school, no one would have ever thought I would be a "popular" kid in high school, but it turned out at my high school the brains/AP crowd really ruled the school. I was happy to float from group to group and generally had a great time in high school. Didn't have a ton of dates, but had great friends, activities I was passionate about and was lucky to have tons of good experiences

As far as how it affected me as an adult, I think it gave me more confidence. I tend to make friends easily and I was pretty successful in my career before I stopped working to stay home. It sounds silly, but some of the leadership experiences I had in high school (in sports, student government and 4-H) really shaped who I am and I still draw on those experiences and life lessons.

Sort of a spin off of this thread and related to the other thread about cruel kids -- I think middle school is a h*ll hole. If we can afford it, I may take my kids out of school for a year or two of middle school and homeschool/travel. At the moment this is just a pipedream, but I'm starting to think seriously about doing it and how we could swing it financially.

[DietCokeLover]

I can't answer your poll.

My graduating class was nearly 1,000. I didn't fall into any group. In some ways I felt overlooked, but not in a out of the mainstream way. I was just normal. I was intelligent, but not the most intelligent. I didn't do chorus/ drama/ art. I wasn't in band. I wasn't in athletics. Not a "geek", not into partying. Just a normal kid who happened to go to a really large school.

We moved to that school when I was starting 9th grade. If we had stayed in my previous school system, I would have been in the popular type crowd.

[niccig]

I was a brain. I realised very early on in school that you get accolades for being smart - at least that is how it was at my elementary school,and definitely in my family.

Australia's public and private schools have uniforms. So there is no grouping done on clothes. We did have the Popular Group - or the group that thinks they are popular but no one actually likes them. We mother moved my sister and I to a new school, but I started the term late as I had been an exchange student in Japan. I joined the same group my sister was in, as we were now in the same year. She immediately moved from the group to the "popular group" and that's when she started to get teased. If she had just stayed with our group, she would have had an easier time - we were a mix of brains/goths/athletic/ etc Our school didn't have groups on such defined lines.

[fivi2]

snip
Sort of a spin off of this thread and related to the other thread about cruel kids -- I think middle school is a h*ll hole. If we can afford it, I may take my kids out of school for a year or two of middle school and homeschool/travel. At the moment this is just a pipedream, but I'm starting to think seriously about doing it and how we could swing it financially.

ITA. I am not planning on homeschooling at all (just not for me), but have always told dh that all bets are off when it comes to middle school. I would love to be able to take the girls and travel/homeschool for a year or two in middle. As I said, I went to a small private school, and the stories I hear about big public jr. highs terrify me!

[Raidra]

I think popular kids also tend to be at the top academically.

So not the case in my school. I'd say maybe 20% of the popular kids were good students, in accelerated classes. Maybe less. I was in all the accelerated and AP classes, and they were mainly filled with the same kids from year to year.. and only a few could have been classified as popular.

ETA: Re: homeschooling.. the socialization aspect is a big reason why we homeschool. I love that Lachlann's best friend is a boy who's three years older than him. I love that the girls in our group play wonderfully with the boys, and that they all pretty easily defy gender stereotypes in their play (ie - the girls will play Star Wars, the boys will play house). When we have new people join our group who have only just pulled their kids out of school, there's always a huge transition for them. They wonder why they can't have a group with, say.. 10 seven-year-old girls. They complain that the homeschool groups don't have enough kids who are their child's exact age and gender. It's very frustrating to watch, but it fades as they deschool.

[carolinamama]

I am not sure I fit into any one category. We moved a good bit with my dad's job and I ended up going to 3 different highschools - one for 9th, one for 10th-11th and another for 12th. I was the new kid. I got good grades but wasn't though to be brainy, I wasn't popular but not unpopular. I had friends but I do remember middle and high school being tough years as I think they are for many. I was busy - played one varsity sport and it's travel team in the off-season and played the piano. My parents also expected me to work part-time in some capacity. I had friends from all these activities - so musical people, athletes etc.

[BabyMine]

I socialized with almost every group. I was sorta a cameleon.