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  1. #1
    BeachBum is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default I just need a hug from a multiples mom

    I really feel like no one else in the world understands. I can't believe it is STILL so hard. It just helps to know that other parents have gotten through this...
    wow. that sounds awful, but that is how I feel. With my singleton I enjoyed the baby stage....this time I just want to get through it. I've got to believe it gets easier.

  2. #2
    fivi2 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I am so sorry! (sending a hug - no clue how to do smilies).

    It does get better, I promise. I didn't have an older child, so I can't imagine how challenging it is for you!

    The first few months were so, so hard. Really hard. And, honestly, much of it is a blur. But, now, they entertain themselves quite a bit, they hug, they love to cuddle - all very sweet. Yes, we still have our moments (stay away from my discipline thread! ), but it is definitely worth it. Can your dh or someone watch the kids so you can get a decent nap in every couple days? The lack of sleep was so hard for me. Do you have them on the same feeding and sleeping schedule? I know some are against that, but it saved my sanity (and mine naturally were pretty close anyway).

    Good luck! Hugs!

  3. #3
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    Default Sending a really big hug!



    It will get easier. I can't say exactly when because so much of the past year is a blur for me but it is easier now. I can now manage them by myself and, although I am exhausted at the end of the day, I didn't used to be able to do that. Mine were born at the end of Sept and they now play together for maybe 20 minute stretches. There is still too much screaming for my taste but it's better.

    I find having them on the same schedule is critical for me. It doesn't work 100% of the time but most of the time.

    I'm exhausted at the idea of planning their first birthday party. It should be a fun occasion but I don't seem to have the energy to do this.

    I do feel like no one else understands. I have a friend who asked me to go with her to the aquarium with her two kids when my babies were four months old. I still think she's from outer space. I was pumping and feeding 8 times a day at that point. How does that mesh with driving for an hour each way to go to the aquarium that the babies likely couldn't appreciate anyway?

    Anyway, hang in there. Just make it through the next feeding/sleeping cycle. (I didn't even think one day at a time - that was the extent of my focus).

  4. #4
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    No one but other multiples moms will ever understand and unless you're lucky enough to be close to another mom like that, then this group and MOTC groups will be your best friend.

    I think the point you're at now is about the time that I actually began to remember things, like pp said, the first months are a blur. I'm glad you're not looking for advice, only understanding, because I don't know how you do it with an older DC as well. You are more amazing than you know! Hang in there!
    Heather ~

    Connor and Addi (8/08)

  5. #5
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I dunno how you do it with an older child. It IS hard. It DOES get easier. I remember people used to tell me that "it will go by so fast" when I moaned about how tired we were. All I could think was "it couldn't go by any SLOWER!" Those first several months positively CRAWLED by. We forced our twins on the same schedule to save our sanity (including waking a sleeping baby to nurse). We let them cry it out to save our sanity. I remember going to friends' houses (not often, ha!) and we'd put the babies down to nap and they'd cry and people would look at us like "Aren't you going to go get them?" and we'd be like "uh, no...they gotta figure out how to fall asleep on their own." And they HAVE! They did take longer than most singleton babies to STTN but I chalk that up to them having to learn to do it together...in the same room, dealing with teething, illness, etc. I still breastfeed mine and at first people would tell me how much easier it would be to give bottles. I just had to smile and nod, because I KNOW how much HARDER it would be to pump/mix formula/give bottles/clean pump parts/clean bottles. PROPS to you for doing that. It is MUCH harder than breastfeeding. I know, I pumped a little in the beginning and quickly gave it up when I realized how much more work it is.

    With each milestone things seemed to get easier (even though our friends with single babies would tell us things like "uh oh, crawling...things are gonna get harder!") But I found each milestone met (so far...haven't gotten to walking yet) to make things easier and more fun because it is easier to entertain the babies.

    It will get easier! For us it got significantly easier around 9 months (that's cuz they started consistently STTN - ha!). Getting that much-needed sleep was a lifesaver. And it's hard because you don't have any time to yourself. I would sacrifice "time to myself" to go to bed early, knowing that it makes the next day SO much easier if I get enough rest. Yes, I am going stir-crazy. My brain is shriveling and I speak baby better than adult. But it is easier. Hang in there!

  6. #6
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    Big hug! It does get easier, and add my name to the list that can't imagine doing it with an older DC. I agree that singleton moms don't understand. It's not just double the work, it's those intangibles. Like people telling me to "nap when the babies nap." Uh, ok, because they always nap at the exact same time! And our DDs were on the same schedule...in theory! Sometimes when I was nursing one and the other was staring at me crying I felt so horrible (they didn't like tandem nursing for the most part.)

    Hang in there! This is around the time I finally started to get the hang of it. And the babies themselves start to be more fun. Here's another hug!
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  7. #7
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by la mama View Post


    No one but other multiples moms will ever understand and unless you're lucky enough to be close to another mom like that, then this group and MOTC groups will be your best friend.

    Absolutely true.

    I encourage you to do anything you can to find another mom with twins the same age. Honestly, even if you have to put out an ad in the paper, it is SO worth it!!!

    I found a girl (through freecycle, believe it or not) with twins the same age and truly the friendship has been an absolutely godsend to me, because no one else can understand. Period.

    It does get easier, it truly does. But no matter which way you look at it, twins are far more than twice as hard as a singleton. I know a mother who has NINE children. Her 7 and 8th are twins. She told me that having twins is at least FOUR times harder than singletons, and I agree with that assessment.

    I really struggle with feeling bitter that we have twins. I know it's a horrible thing to say, but there are so many days when I say, "WHY ME?" And when strangers come up to express their fervent wish to have twins I bite my tongue. I want to tell them to count their blessings and to enjoy their children, one at a time!

    A lot of this comes from the fact that my anxiety disorder really came to the forefront (started causing big problems) since the girls have been born. I feel like every day of being a twin mommy is a stressful challenge. My girls are also extremely needy, constantly whining and high maintenance.

    BUT, it has become worlds better. And twin mommies have told me it gets better still after their LOs turn 3, so I am banking on that. It will get better. The challenges of older twins are definitely more manageable than the feeding/logistics issues that come with twinfants.

  8. #8
    Kindra178 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    My oldest is a new three and my babies are now 11 months. It's still hard but there are moments when it is fun. And then it gets hard again. I, too, hate how I am just muddling through and not enjoying this, but I live for those little moments. Like naptime! Just kidding. Schedules are key to my sanity. So are early bedtimes (6:30 pm for the twins). I head back to work in a couple of weeks and I am seriously looking forward to it.

    And to the previous poster, I can't seem to get excited about their first birthday party. I feel like I should go out of town by myself. I would actually love just to have cake at the kitchen table with my husband and older one but i know that people would be sad.

    Good luck.

  9. #9
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    I totally understand. It is not only harder with an older child because of the extra work but the guilt of not being able to do as much with the twins that you did with the singleton and the guilt of not remember whole periods of time- that is really hard too.

    I does get easier. But, it will never get as easy as it was with the singleton. It just gets easier in a different way. somehow. The work is double but so is the joy. When they are all running around the house giggling and chasing each other, it is SOOOO CUTE. It feels so special. If you can, think about how rare twins really are and that you are witnessing/experiencing something special.

    But yeah, the point you are at right now is extremely hard.
    "People are made for happiness. Rightly then, you thirst for happiness. Christ has the answer to this desire of yours. But he asks you to trust him." -St. John Paul II

  10. #10
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    Hugs!!! It will get easier...it's just existing in the middle of the battle that makes it harder to see when it will get easier. Having both sleep through the night is huge. You just have to believe that it will eventually happen. I also found myself wishing their babyhood away, because it was just. so. hard. But then they sleep all night. And nap together. And feed themselves table foods. And suddenly, it's not so bad anymore...still hard, but manageable, and lots more fun.

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