WDYD: Christmas and Santa....(LONG)

[Melaine]

I know this is SO early but I thought it might be a fun conversation to bring up and this is something that I have been thinking a lot about, something I want to decide before the stores start having Christmas stuff out.

I LOVE Christmas. I am sort of obsessed with gifts and decorations and Christmas cookies and carols and lights and everything that goes along with it. Honestly, I think about it all year long and get excited around September when it is actually approaching (at least in my mind it's approaching). I am also sort of on my own because my family and DH could really probably do without it all, which is fine. I have enough Christmas spirit for everyone I know.

DDs already seem to be following in my footsteps. They talk about Christmas Trees on an almost daily basis and sing "Oh Christmas Tree" regularly. I am excited because I know this year they will really understand it even more since they will be 3.

For me, Christmas has a very special meaning as a Christian. I know it has been commercialized beyond recognition, but I really do think of Christmas as a celebration of the birth of Christ. My kids will definitely be hearing the Christmas story, they have books about it and a toy manger and that aspect of Christmas will be emphasized to them.

I know Christians have different opinions on this, but I don't have a problem with Santa or Rudolph. I just don't. I will let my kids watch Frosty the Snowman and then read them the Christmas Story, it's ok with me. So, I don't have a moral objection with the myth of Santa....

When I was a nanny, however, my little girl, who was 6 at the time believed that Santa was real. I specifically remember having a conversation with her in the car when she was asking me all the typical questions....how does Santa go all around the world, etc. I knew that her parents led her to believe in Santa and I certainly wasn't going to be the one to tell her otherwise. But I remember feeling this horrible feeling. In that, this child trusted me implicitly and knew I would never lie to her. I was horrified that I might have to lie to her....that was when I first thought that this Santa thing might be a problem for me. I ended up just deflecting her questions and telling her to talk to her parents.

On the other hand, I totally see the fun of Santa. My girls already know him at least by name, in fact my FIL dresses as Santa every year for his school overseas and the girls know that and think it is really funny.

So what do you do about Santa?

[egoldber]

Well, we are not Christian, so I don't have that issue, and we celebrate it as a totally secular holiday.

My older DD still believes in Santa I think, although she has realized the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are not real, so I doubt Santa is far behind. She knows that they are a fun thing that moms and dads do for kids. She hasn't felt deceived or betrayed in any way.

I do think that once kids start to realize the truth, you need to be honest. I think it would be HORRIBLE for an older child to go to school having had their parents assure them that Santa was real (and I mean at an older age, not a preschooler) and be made fun of by classmates and then being told be the truth at home.

[KpbS]

I sent you a PM

[mommylamb]

We're not Christian either, though DH was brought up in a secular Chritian tradition and I'm happy to have a tree in the house. DH believed in Santa as a kid and he wants to do Santa with DS. We'll probably not make a big deal out of Santa (maybe the stockings gifts come from him, but not the rest of the presents), though I'm hoping we can keep the Santa belief years to a minimum. I grew up in a secular Jewish household and I always knew Santa wasn't real, but was very good about not spoiling it for my Christian friends. I'm pretty luke warm on doing Santa at all, but I'll do it for DH's sake. I like having a tree though...

[SnuggleBuggles]

I thought that ds stopped believing in all of the usual suspects last year or the year before. Maybe he has and now plays along. He has been asking for quite some time whether or not they are real. I answer back, "what do you think?" and have full intention of being honest with him if he figures it out. One day he did seem to have figured it out but right before I could confirm he said something else so it kind of sounded like he just wanted to play along with it. Ds1 is 7yo, btw, and going into 2nd grade.

Anyway, I think Santa etc. are fun. Every so often you run into the adult who felt horribly betrayed by their parents over the whole thing but I think they are very much the exception, not the norm. I'm willing to play the odds on that one.

eta- we are not religious though ds knows the Christmas story and we share it with him every year.

BEth

[Seitvonzu]

we aren't there yet, but i fully intend to have santa claus for my kids as long as they believe. i "believed" for longer than most people, and i don't have a fundamental distrust of people now as a result. i think kids are pretty smart, and their beliefs change over time-- when they are itty bitty they just "get" santa by name. then they are a little older and TRULY believe (this is my favorite stage...it's called "credulity" -- you can get kids to believe ANYTHING). then they grow more worldly, even though doubt is there, (as they start having more knowledge about the world- how can santa be real? but he is still awesome to them and the benefits outway the "reality" you know?) they still believe. usually sometime during school, the evidence and peer pressure gets too great and kids let it go. some kids hang on "in name only"-- for a sibling or even for there parents.

all this is really normal and part of development in my opinion. (and i'll tout my developmental psych master's now! i did a couple studies on magical thinking, one on magical characters (like santa,etc, but made up by me)) i certainly don't think you should lie to a child once they are ready to let go... if they sincerely are ready, i believe that parents will know. this can be done gently by explaining the "spirit" of santa is REAL even if the person isn't. i think by that age you can also incorporate a discussion about love/family/religion and how all this ties together in a lucky family.

obviously, i'm pro santa. i can't WAIT for that part of christmas myself. we didn't do santa stuff last year because lu wasn't old enough to GET it...i'm thinking it will be more next year than this year, but we'll start. we also do advent-- have a book we read each day and light a wreath and say a prayer each night. i'm going to keep doing that and this year i'm going to get a nativity set specifically for lucy. we started that stuff last year.

[mamicka]

I would describe my felings about Christmas & Santa pretty much the same as your. From a philosophical standpoint I have no problem with Santa/Rudolph/Frosty alongside the birth of Christ. However, my family's cultural tradition never emphasized the secular part of Christmas, so it comes naturally to me to not tell my kids that Santa is real. For us, it has made it easier to teach them about the true meaning of Christmas. I don't think it has diminished the fun side of Christmas or has taken away any of the "magic". My kids know Santa/Rudolph/Frosty etc & enjoy all the stories & their eyes light up when we talk about it all.... But ultimately they know that they're just fun stories.

All this to say, I don't think it really matters which way you go with the Santa stuff. Do what you are more comfortable with.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I'd rather not do Santa but it's *really* important to DH so we do. We just do the stockings are from Santa and I have to admit seeing their faces is fun.

I'll share that one mom I know(a very cool, fun believer mom, at that ) does do Santa. When her DD was old enough to realize he wasn't real, she became part of making it fun for the younger sibs. I loved how it becomes a sort of rite of passage because the DC is growing up. It's a responsibility the DC takes very seriously because she's "old enough" where the younger sib is "still little/young".

I, too, get super duper excited about Xmas. I plan all year for it, we put our tree up Nov. 1 so I can enjoy it longer, and I put alot of effort into doing many traditions I never had as a kid so it's a memorable and special time for my kids. As an aside, have/are you doing a birthday cake? It's one of the favorites around here.

[blisstwins]

know. this can be done gently by explaining the "spirit" of santa is REAL even if the person isn't. i think by that age you can also incorporate a discussion about love/family/religion and how all this ties together in a lucky family

This is beautiful and is how we hope to handle it. My mother told us there was no santa in a fit of rage, and she has felt terribly about it since (she should, we were horrified). I think Santa is a lovely idea that can complement Christian aspects of the holiday if handled well. We will tell our children the truth when they have figured it out and seem ready. I totally agree with the poster who commented that it would be wrong to assure a child and have them embaress themselves at school, but I think we are a few years from there and I intend to enjoy them.

[Raidra]

I think Santa is fine, so long as it's done right. We share fictional stories with our kids all the time, and I don't see why Santa should be any different. Just like if your child asked, "Is Mickey Mouse real?" you wouldn't say, "Of course he is!" - the same shouldn't be done with Santa. With such a pervasive myth as Santa, parents need to be a little more gentle than the Mickey Mouse example, but you get the idea. We do Santa in our house, and whenever the kids start asking if he's real, we'll say, "What do you think?" At some point they'll answer that they don't think he's real, and we'll confirm it. Most likely, there will be younger children in the family and we can bring the bigger kids in on the story. That's how my parents did it with me, I got to help be Santa for my younger sister and I was so proud to be big enough to be in on the secret.

I think the Santa myth is a fantastic way to teach children to be critical thinkers and to question the status quo. We're not Christian by any means, so I think it will be great that they can practice with Santa, then apply the same sort of logic to other topics, religion included, if they choose.