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  1. #11
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    If you choose to cut her out of your life, so be it, and you will be justified.
    However, personally, I would give boundary setting a try just as outlined by DC mom. You're her only child and she did bring you up in very difficult circumstances, I think you too would feel better if you at least gave things a try......

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by dcmom2b3 View Post
    Can you tell I've done this IRL? It can be tiring, and repetitive, but my mother had so lost the plot -- my favorite was her accusing me of not liking her because she is African-American. I'm thinking "um, you're black, Daddy was black, I'm black too . . . I must be missing something here. . . Oh, that's it! You're effin' NUTS!"

  3. #13
    MMEand1 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I have a very toxic "relationship" (using that term loosely) with my father. I have never been good enough and most likely, will never be. I am the oldest of 4 and the other three are/have always been doted over. I am the only one that does not rely on my parents for one thing or another (money, childcare, etc) and have never asked them for any of these things either.

    My father has not seen my children in quite a while and I don't think he really has any desire. He has always given his job more importance and uses it as an excuse as to why he cannot come visit. We lived 5 hours away from them in one direction and my brother lived 5 hours away from them in another direction. For some reason, he could never make it the 5 hours to our house to see my newborn DS, but was going to my brothers house almost every weekend (even though he had no DC at the time) for something. Even when we would try to go down to their house, he would give some weak excuse as to why we could not come and then he would drive over to my brothers.

    All 4 of his children joined the military, but I was the only one who's basic training graduation he would not attend. He missed so many things in my life and I am to the point where I just don't care. It's hard to put it that way, but I think it hurts more to dwell on the fact that I'm just not important to him than it is to just cut him out of my life. If he does not want to be a part of my DC's life, then that's on him. The last time my DC saw his, he asked my DD who he was (Zsa Zsa, do you know who I am?) and her reply was "That guy", so my DC really have no relationship with him. I'm getting to the point that I am totally fine with that because I don't want them to feel the same way about him that I do. I would just rather them not know him at all than them feel like they don't matter to him.

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but in the long scheme of things, it's probably better if you terminate all dealings with her if it is not making your life better. My opinion is that if your doing something that is not improving your life and/or making you happy, then you need to do away with it. She is doing neither and I would just be done with it, just like I am with my father. My DH and I were just talking about this yesterday... PM me if you want to chat further. Good luck with everything! {{{HUGS}}}

  4. #14
    SpaceGal is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I was talking to an old friend today about this. And she told me it's too hard to cut my mom out...knowing that I'm Asian, the only child and she's single. She told me to keep my distance which I try very hard to, hence why I don't live near her or want her to live near me.

    I do try to do what DCMom suggests with boundaries, but you know the little snide comments she slips in always come in and when I say something as to please don't say that or it's not your business and end the conversation, I'm alwasy the bad guy and don't listen to her "advice" or suggestions. In any case, like it's been pointed out I would never measure up and she will never see what she does to hurt me. It's been proven that she doesn't care that much about my feelings, just her own.

    I know that when given a lot of space she "behaves" better but once you talk to her again...she is back to her old tricks.

    Thanks for all the advice and thoughts...it does help me to get through trying to figure out how to handle our relationship.

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