Multiples Moms September Chat Thread

[BeachBum]

Well I'll open the thread for this month, but I'm not proprietary so come October someone else feel free. Anyone can feel free to throw out a QOTD (question of the day) to help spark some discussion.

I guess let's start out with introductions. Please share the ages of your kids, if they are fraternal or identical and any other info about you. If you feel comfy sharing pics, please do

I'm mom to 3 boys. My oldest is 4, and my fraternal twin boys will be 8 months later this week.

They are getting to be so much fun! But we are still struggling with sleep. They will fall asleep on their own, but we still have multiple night wakings (about every 2 hours for one and 3.5 hours for the other). We just separated their bedrooms this past week, so I'm hoping that will help.
Both boys are crawling and cruising. While I am a bit scared for them to walk, so many moms tell me it got easier then. Any BTDT to share?

[Melaine]

Yay! I am excited about this, thanks for starting!

My girls are identical and will be 3 in a month. We did not find out we were having twins until 20 weeks and I am still shell-shocked, to be honest. My OBGYN had never diagnosed twins that late in a pregnancy before (still a little mad at him about it, actually) and he was floored.
They were 6 weeks early and in the NICU for 2, born by C-section. Struggled with nursing from day 1. I struggled to pump for four months when I switched completely to formula. Girls had reflux and colic. One day I counted and we went through over 50 bibs in one day. They would spit up every time we turned around. They didn't sleep through the night until a little past age 1, and still have frequent wakings at night.
Being a twin mommy has been VERY hard for me. I don't feel I have adjusted very well. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and a few months ago went back off the meds.
To be a little less negative (and to share with those with younger twins), things have gotten easier and easier. You know how people say that it is harder once they crawl because they are all over the place, etc? Well, for us every new stage has brought a little relief. The more independence and mobility they get, the better. Also, as they get older the "benefits" of twins becomes more apparent.
I find it difficult not to wish the time away, because I want to enjoy each stage. But I can't help looking forward to age 5-6 when we will be beyond a lot of the little kid dependence stuff, ykwim?
Right now, my girls are at a really funny stage. They just crack me up. We recently went on a little mini-vacation to Atlanta and it was honestly a blessing. For the first time, I felt we were functioning like a typical family with two children, not a super-neurotic, overwhelmed, frazzled family with super sensitive and uptight twins. We had a great time, and the girls really enjoyed the change rather than rebelled against it.
I guess that's enough for one post!

[la mama]

I have b/g twins who are 13 months old. They're very fraternal, although we still get the "are they identical?" question, skinny and blonde DS, stout and brunette DD. They're crawling and cruising but not full-on walking yet. Sometimes I feel a little guilty because they started sleeping through the night around 3 months and have done pretty well since then. We were surprised to be pregnant in the first place and then at my first appt. at 9 weeks, we were flabbergasted when the doctor said, "oh!" "Good oh or bad oh?" "Well, that depends, you're having twins!" Cue blank stares back and forth and stupid grins.

We're in the stage where they're learning how to entertain each other, by playing peek-a-boo around furniture and doorways, playing tug-o-war with toys (otherwise known as fighting over toys but sometimes it makes them giggle instead of cry) and dancing.

One thing that amazes me about twins, or maybe it's just mine, is how even though they eat the exact same things, there is a 2 lb. difference between them (DD is heavier) and their BMs are so different (sorry if that's TMI).

I'm so happy to have this be more of a regular conversation. I would always skim through the new posts to see if there were any new multiple threads but was usually left with nothing. I'm part of a MOTC group but I think it might be easier to ask questions here, since you can all answer at your leisure and don't have to think of an immediate response. Looking forward to giving and receiving lots of good advice!

[fivi2]

Hi! My identical girls will be 4 in December. They were also a little over 6 weeks early and spent 2 weeks in the NICU. We were unable to nurse, so I pumped for about 11 months. The first 6 months or so was HARD. They started sleeping better around then, so everything improved. It has never been as hard has those first few months, although we have had some challening times! They were also a surprise, but we found out at 12 weeks.

I didn't mind crawling much, but walking was tricky. They were both runners, so I had to have gates and leashes and keep them in the stroller in parking lots. Then things got better for a while, but now we are in a major defiant stage. We have several discipline issues, actually

As I said in the other thread, they just started preschool. Before that their only sitters had been my sister and one playgroup mom that we have known for years (And is the mom of one of their good friends). They jumped right in at school and apparently didn't play together at all!

Our current dilemma is whether or not to have a third dc. I really want one, but worry about my sanity! And I worry that a third will feel left out from the twins. And, the girls are getting older, so it would be a bigger gap than I would have liked... But, I still want a third

[mom2beofboy/girltwins]

Hi. I have B/G twins that are 5.5 months old. We tried for 3 years to get preg eventually resorting to fertility treatments. Because of that, we found out very early (I think at about 6 wks) that we were expecting multiples. We knew that was a possibility when we started treatments but figured 2 babies are better than none, right?

I spent 2 months on bedrest with a terbutaline pump (good times, good times....) but the babies made it to 36W 1D and spent no time in the NICU!! Did have to have a csection though because both babies were breech.

Everyone is healthy and doing well, continuing to slowly catch up with more normal size percentiles, but they're still kinda skinny babies. I totally agree with la mama though, don't understand how they can eat the same but DS is totally outgaining DD!

It was super hard in the beginning, although I don't have to tell any of you that, to the point where we were like "what did we do?!?!?", but it is thankfully getting easier and they are starting to become a lot more fun to be around.

For the most part they're only eating once between 6:30 pm and 7 am so that's pretty good, but I had to seperate them to get them sleeping better and now I'm afraid to put them back together in fear that we'll take a step backwards in the sleeping dept.

My biggest stress at the moment is that I have to go back to work in a couple weeks and they'll be starting daycare at my work. It's a really good daycare, but I'm now feeling extemely torn about leaving them there and being away from them. I also feel like I can barely hold things together on a daily basis (groceries, laundry, cleaning, bills, etc) and I don't know how I'm going to add work to the mix. Not going back to work is not an option financially so I guess I just have to figure it out. I'm hoping that we'll eventually get into a routine and it won't be too bad. Just feel like I'm going to miss them alot. Any of you have a going back to work experience like this?

[Melaine]

Our current dilemma is whether or not to have a third dc. I really want one, but worry about my sanity! And I worry that a third will feel left out from the twins. And, the girls are getting older, so it would be a bigger gap than I would have liked... But, I still want a third

I am in the same boat. I think DH could theoretically go either way about more children, but I feel very much that I want and need another child. I always wanted a larger family, but I think it comes down to more than that for me. I really feel like having a singleton would be somewhat healing for DH and I! (I hope you guys can sort of get my drift with this even though it sounds weird). Having twins is definitely a special blessing, and I am grateful. But I feel so jealous of the experience that others have with just one baby.

For example, I tend toward AP tendencies, but found as a first time mom of twins I didn't know how to apply it. I was never able to wear the girls, for example. And they just didn't get held as much as I would've liked for they were tiny because I was on my own almost from day 1 until DH got off work. I also still feel a little bitter that they never breastfed, but I know that is not specific to twins, just made more difficult with twins.

DH had no experience with babies (like 0) and was apprehensive about becoming a father. Having your first and second children at the same time meant that he almost had to step into the role of mother, if that makes any sense at all, just because I needed him. As a result, his experience at parenting has been all work and no play. I tell him having one child would be so much easier but this is all he has known, so not sure he gets the difference.

Sooo...I may be delusional, but I feel like having one baby at a time would just give us some of the fun of parenting that we missed the first time around.

[fivi2]

I am in the same boat. I think DH could theoretically go either way about more children, but I feel very much that I want and need another child. I always wanted a larger family, but I think it comes down to more than that for me. I really feel like having a singleton would be somewhat healing for DH and I! (I hope you guys can sort of get my drift with this even though it sounds weird). Having twins is definitely a special blessing, and I am grateful. But I feel so jealous of the experience that others have with just one baby.

For example, I tend toward AP tendencies, but found as a first time mom of twins I didn't know how to apply it. I was never able to wear the girls, for example. And they just didn't get held as much as I would've liked for they were tiny because I was on my own almost from day 1 until DH got off work. I also still feel a little bitter that they never breastfed, but I know that is not specific to twins, just made more difficult with twins.

DH had no experience with babies (like 0) and was apprehensive about becoming a father. Having your first and second children at the same time meant that he almost had to step into the role of mother, if that makes any sense at all, just because I needed him. As a result, his experience at parenting has been all work and no play. I tell him having one child would be so much easier but this is all he has known, so not sure he gets the difference.

Sooo...I may be delusional, but I feel like having one baby at a time would just give us some of the fun of parenting that we missed the first time around.

We had many of the same experiences. I was never able to wear the girls, breastfeeding didn't happen, etc. My main issue is that, even though I always planned on two dc, I didn't plan on having them all at once! So we will have one first day of school, one graduation, one 16th birthday etc. I realize my girls are individuals, but still - we do hit all the major milestones at one time. And my girls reach everything within a day or two of each other (At this point).

Dh has some concerns, mostly financial, but he also worries how a new baby would affect his relationship with the girls. He hasn't said no way, but he would be happy to not have another. I am getting older - currently 35 - so that brings a new set of worries!

I do like in some ways how our family is getting older (potty trained, sleeping okay, no naps, vacations are finally fun as you noticed in Atlanta) and worry how we would go back to having a little baby.

I also think that we got pretty lucky with the girls - although I complain, and they can be challenging - for the most part they are good kids. If I have a super high maintenance baby on top of the twins... oof!

But, I still want one

[la mama]

we're in the same boat here too, except that DH wants another DC as much as I do. We tried, got pregnant and lost little DC at 6 weeks. So now I was told I should wait 3 months before we try again, so in one more month we will. I knew I always wanted more than two so DH knew that from the beginning. I know some people like to wait until one is out of diapers before having another but I want to have them closer together if possible. I have my teaching degree but no license yet and I really want to fulfill my goal of being a teacher. Financially we're able to make it work with just DH's salary, right now anyway, so I'm staying home. The plan is that I stay home until all DC (current and hopefully future) are in school, we have 4K here. So I want to have another DC soon so I can go to work sooner rather than later. I don't want to have to wait to retire until 10 years after DH.

Also, totally agree with DH having become a mom almost. They are essential to a functioning family with twins and thankfully, DH has totally stepped up to the plate. He had zero experience with newborns but he said his fears went away when he saw how the doctor so confidently and easily held DC as they were born.

I want to experience the "ease" of a single pregnancy and having only one baby to hold. It's bound to be a little different, already having toddler twins, but I really want it. Thanks for listening.

[gatorsmom]

I want to experience the "ease" of a single pregnancy and having only one baby to hold. It's bound to be a little different, already having toddler twins, but I really want it. Thanks for listening.

I have heard from moms who had their twins first that when a singleton baby came second the moms were amazed at how easy a singleton was! They laughed at all their friends who had singleton babies that they just weren't tough enough! I can understand that point of view. I used to complain about having my first and then my second. Having the twins third really changed my perspective on it all.

I'll come back and "chat" more later. Time now for naps.

[Melaine]

My BF just had her first (singleton) baby and said to me matter-of-factly, "I won't get any sympathy from you, huh?"
I replied, "Basically, no".