Multiples Moms September Chat Thread

[fivi2]

Wow - good to hear from all these twin moms! And so many of you with older kids. I definitely need to stop complaining about my girls! I get overwhelmed with just the twins, I don't know how you guys do it.

Melaine, I don't have any suggestions right now (sorry). But, I did just read an article in Cookie (darn Amazon and me not figuring out I could get the rebate instead of the free subscription!) written by a twin mom about favoritism. It was pretty interesting. I do occasionally find myself playing favorites (and feeling guilty) but then I will switch and start favoring the other... (none of it on purpose). And I definitely found it difficult when they were little, trying to bond with them as individuals and not as a unit...

Anyway, just random thoughts sparked by the article!

[gatorsmom]

Anyway, so I'd love for your ideas on articles about twins or things that you wish an article would address.

I read this and immediately started to brainstorm ideas for you because I think that would be pretty cool for you to be published too! Nothing came to me off the top of my head but I will think about this during the day. Usually I think of stuff as I'm working in the house so I'll think about it for you!

[iggy_saurus]

Hi! I am mom to (mostly likely) fraternal twin boys who are 11 weeks old. They are the happy result of a Clomid/IUI cycle and we knew they were twins at 8 weeks. After the extreme nausea of the first 14 weeks, the rest of my pregnancy was great. I was induced at 38w 2d. Baby a was born vaginally, and then the stress of labor caused problems for baby b (his placenta started to separate), so he was born via emergency c-section. Baby a stayed with me while b was transferred to a level 3 nicu. Fortunately b recovered quickly and was home only 6 days later.

I am staying home with the boys until they are 6 months and then I will return to work full-time. I am exclusively breastfeeding right now, but it took some time to get there. In the beginning we supplemented with formula. I had my gallbladder out 2 weeks ago, so for a day they got expressed breast milk. I'm lucky to have a lot of help--my parents live nearby and are retired, so they come over every day for a few hours.

I just joined this site a week ago, but I have been a frequent lurker. I look forward to participating!

[BeachBum]

...With all the talk about singletons vs twins I'll recycle my joke for you.

I told someone when my boys were about 3 months that having had a singleton, then the twins made realize that having only one child was about like getting a cat.

It's funny because I really do feel that way. But when I had my first, I found it overwhelming and crazy. My sister who I'm very close to is pregnant and due next month. I've tried very hard not to compare / minimize her feelings. I'm sure she is big and uncomfy....but really did you carry twins, did you see how big I was? I'm sure you're tired, but do you have twins....etc etc.

There are so many posts that I don't have time to really do shoutouts, but I do want to comment on a few themes.
Favortism/ Guilt
Yeah. I struggle with this too. Not that I find myself playing favorites, but more that I want to keep everything equal. Who rode in the cart last time (vs ergo)? But it's not equal--they arent' the same! Sam prefers to ride in the cart--so why do I feel guilty that Peter gets carried more. I just feel so much guilt over how they would be parented if they weren't a twin.

Survival
I just loved parenting my oldest--he was so much fun. I really enjoyed each stage so much. With these guys the effort it takes to care for them sucks so much out of me that I don't have much left over for the pure fun/ enjoyment. I really hate that. I feel like I have missed out on so much already (they are 8 months) I've been in such a fog surviving that I didn't really get to enjoy their baby stage.
I really do understand what someone meant about feeling cheated by having twins. At this point I don't see many benefits (other than I did get to have 3 kids instead of 2 which I wanted). I'm hoping as they get older that it will be better, but for now it's just really hard.

ETA: Then there are days like yesterday where all three boys played for an hour together. The twins crawled all over each other, touched eachothers faces sucked each others toes--and I just sat there in awe thinking how ungrateful I've sounded for such a special experience.

[Melaine]

It really is a comfort hearing some of these sentiments from other people! I would feel so guilty saying anything to a friend about feeling cheated or like what did I do to deserve twins. But my one friend with twins and I talk about it sometimes. It is very therapeutic. I've said this before, but if any of you guys don't know anyone locally who has twins close to the same age: FIND someone. Even if you have to take out an ad in the paper, or find one through the hospital it is SO valuable.

[mom2beofboy/girltwins]

I struggle with the equality thing alot. I'll feel bad that I can't do something for both of them at the same time, like hold them, so then I find myself not wanting to hold either so that it's not unfair to one of them, but than that makes me feel really bad because it's not like I don't want to hold them... Does that make sense?

It seems like from what some others have said here it's not completely uncommon to feel that way.

I know some of what's been posted is things we struggle with having twins, but I have noticed having twins can also have some positives. For instance, it seems like with 2 babies it keeps you from getting into some bad habits that I easily could see myself having if it were just one baby. Like feeding or rocking a baby to sleep. Since there's 2 of them, you just can't, so they're really good about just being put down in their cribs and falling asleep on their own. And also a solid routine. Having a routine is the only thing that keeps me together around here with them and it seems to be working. If it were just me and one baby I'd be much more inclined to just go where ever, when ever and deal with the repercussions of that later.

My mom has made some comments about being really impressed with the fact that they just get put down for bed ~6:30 pm and just go to sleep. She keeps saying how she remembers my younger brothers being up really late and having to sit or lay with them until they'd go to sleep. I just keep thinking - that's not an option for us, we'd go crazy if we didn't have a routine around here!!!

[NN317]

I struggle with trying not to compare them when it comes to milestones. C is much better at gross motor skills, and is usually a few weeks ahead of R. But then R excels at fine motor skills, whereas C does not seem interested most times. I keep reinforcing to myself that while they are twins, they are individuals who will do things in their own time.

[fivi2]

I struggle with the equality thing alot. I'll feel bad that I can't do something for both of them at the same time, like hold them, so then I find myself not wanting to hold either so that it's not unfair to one of them, but than that makes me feel really bad because it's not like I don't want to hold them... Does that make sense?

It seems like from what some others have said here it's not completely uncommon to feel that way.

I know some of what's been posted is things we struggle with having twins, but I have noticed having twins can also have some positives. For instance, it seems like with 2 babies it keeps you from getting into some bad habits that I easily could see myself having if it were just one baby. Like feeding or rocking a baby to sleep. Since there's 2 of them, you just can't, so they're really good about just being put down in their cribs and falling asleep on their own. And also a solid routine. Having a routine is the only thing that keeps me together around here with them and it seems to be working. If it were just me and one baby I'd be much more inclined to just go where ever, when ever and deal with the repercussions of that later.

My mom has made some comments about being really impressed with the fact that they just get put down for bed ~6:30 pm and just go to sleep. She keeps saying how she remembers my younger brothers being up really late and having to sit or lay with them until they'd go to sleep. I just keep thinking - that's not an option for us, we'd go crazy if we didn't have a routine around here!!!

I definitely could have written this post a couple years ago! I often found myself feeling guilty about holding one (even if the other was happily doing something else). I would either go out of my way to "make it up" later, or not do it at all!

And, I definitely think having two kept me from some bad habits! Especially with sleeping. And I hear moms of singletons complain that their dc can't entertain herself. My girls don't always need constant attention (since that was impossible).

[Momof3Labs]

For instance, it seems like with 2 babies it keeps you from getting into some bad habits that I easily could see myself having if it were just one baby. Like feeding or rocking a baby to sleep.

Perhaps we should be careful about how we judge parents of singletons - I nursed and rocked both of my boys to sleep, and never once considered it a "bad habit". It worked for us - really well - and I'd do it again in a heartbeat with another singleton. But I can see how it wouldn't work for twins.

ETA: Sorry, I'm not trying to be crabby. I was just turned off by our local twins club where a few moms really look down on singleton moms (as in, their experience is of no value to twin moms). Having been a singleton mom - twice - before becoming a twin mom, I feel that we can still learn plenty from one another. As with all exchanges with other moms, you take what might work from you and respectfully discard what probably won't.

[mom2beofboy/girltwins]

Yeah, I certainly didn't mean the rocking/feeding to sleep thing as a criticism. I guess I kind of meant it more in a way that them actually going to sleep hasn't turned into a really big ordeal simply because it can't when there's more than one to appease. I know there's things that would get done differently if there was just one.

And I totally agree with the value of other mom's experience - regardless of the number of kids. For a lot of things, # of kids doesn't matter.

wasn't trying to upset anyone, just thinking that there's some positives to having more than one sometimes too.