Alcohol missing - what to do?

[09Mom]

We have a downstairs refrigerator that we use rather infrequently. The other week I mentioned to DH that it the bottle of gin looked a little low (about 1/3 left), but I had no real data for starting point. Well, I went to put some food down there yesterday and the entire bottle was missing. I don't care that the alcohol is gone but very concerned over how it went missing. There are not many options...we had a workman here last week but I wouldn't see him opening a fridge. We have a nanny here but in conversation she has mentioned she doesn't drink, and DH's brother is a "recovering" alcoholic. I say "recovering" because he says he is no longer drinking but he has lied about that many times in the past. BIL was here last week end and was downstairs a little by himself. He could have taken the bottle but everything would have had to be aligned prfectly for hom to get it out of the house without us seeing. Nanny has much opportunity, but had great references (was with previous family for 11 years) and I really trust her. It was also such an off topic conversation when she said she does not drink because she never aquired the taste for it. I don't want to point fingers and either party would be very hurt by an accusation, but both scenarios are unacceptable. DH and I do not know what to do.

[Melaine]

I think you risk losing your nanny if you bring this up to her. If you really trust her and have had no issues in the past then I think you should assume it was BIL. As a former nanny, that kind of accusation would have made me quit.

[egoldber]

With those choices, I would assume BIL. I would not leave alcohol in an accessible location when there is someone around who is struggling with alcohol abuse. I have learned that lesson the hard way.

[TwinFoxes]

The fact that there was a handyman there would prevent me from accusing the other "suspects". If he's a thief, than opening a refrigerator would be no big deal. Also, how long have you had Nanny? Alcoholics lie, and she could easily have concocted her "I don't drink" story to put you at ease. Of course it could easily be BIL, but the fact that others had the opportunity gives him a convenient excuse. I think this time you might not get to the truth.

One thing you could try is asking BIL if he noticed the handyman downstairs, and when asks why tell him, and see what his reaction is.

[hillview]

I think you have to let it go. Also I'd consider moving alcohol to someplace more secure.
/hillary

[09Mom]

Thank you for the suggestions so far. BIL was not over when handyman was there so that won't work. I think I may have checked alcohol after BIL was over but I am not 100% sure. Part of me wants to narrow down who it is so that we know and can address either situation, but part of me does not want to know as either situation is not a good one....

I dod count bottles of wine and mark the bottle of vodka so we'll see what happens. Like I said I am not upset that the alcohol is gone, as much as I am concerned about the scenario of why it is gone.

[sste]

I vote with "not the nanny." If she has an eleven year work history, it seems extremely unlikely she could have hidden alcoholism and stealing alcohol for that long of a time period. She (and to a lesser extent the handyman) also has a lot to lose in terms of employment and reputation. With the nanny, you are taking a MUCH bigger risk that asking her about it will impact her relationship with your family than the very tiny risk that she was the one in this cast of characters that took the bottle.

My vote is also for BIL. I think if you feel that you must approach someone, he is the person to approach since he has lied and behaved this way in the past - - though I suspect you won't get anywhere if he has lied in the past. An alcoholic has a way of making sure that things are aligned perfectly to enable drinking . . . just because you think it would have been hard for him to get the bottle doesn't mean its hard for someone who has years of experience feeding an addiction.

[kijip]

There is no way to know for sure.

I agree with Beth that I don't keep alcohol in places where it is accessible for to people with a history of drinking problems, just as a way to support them in their efforts to stay sober.

[Fairy]

Workman throws things into uncertainty. Do *not* mention anything to the suspects or you will tip your hand. Not to say this is a game, certainly. But if you want to try to suss out who it is, since you say either scenario is unacceptable, then I would bait them. Sounds bad, I know, but I would really want to know. If it's BIL, he's likely to lie when asked. If it's the nanny, she's likely to lie when asked. If either is accused wrongly, you've got a problem.

Put another bottle down there already opened and half gone. Create an etch in the glass to measure the level. Put a cam in there and let it go. Or watch like a hawk when the test is occurring. Thats' what I'd do. Sadly.

[09Mom]

So, DH and I talked about it more today and both fortunately/unfortunately lean towards BIL. In conversation with nanny today I mentioned that I would be making dinner tonight and knowing she had commented before that she did not drink alcohol asked if I made a chicken with white wine sauce would she eat it. She said she understood the alcohol cooks off but due to her diabetes medication was not comfortable taking any risk, so I'm really thinking it's not her. I agree that she would not risk her job and I know how cautious and protective she is with the baby that I really couldn't fathom her doing anything to put baby in jeopardy. We will discuss tonight if we should say anything to BIL (after a chicken parm dinner with no white wine )