Did your mother come to stay with you?

[emilysparkle]

When you had your new baby, did your mother come and stay with you and your husband at your home, to help you adjust to being a new parent?

If so, how long did she stay?

(I am having a disagreement w/ my husband about how long is appropriate.)

Thanks!

[citymama]

Yes, she did, and she stayed for a month! The first 2-3 days were rough, but then we almost begged her not to leave! She was invaluable - cooked for us, helped with the baby, did laundry, etc etc. It depends how hands-on and helpful your mom is!

[jgenie]

Yes, my mom arrived the day after DS was born and stayed for two weeks. My MIL came for a week after my mom left. It was great having them here - they cooked, cleaned, and just helped us out so we could concentrate on DS. This time around the plan is for MIL to come the day after the baby arrives and stay the two weeks DH is off. My mom will come for the next two weeks. With DS, I asked DH if he wanted a week to bond just the three of us before my mom arrived but he thought it would be best to have someone that knew what they were doing to help as soon as possible. That worked out great because I wanted my mom to be here to enjoy DS as soon as possible. Could it be that your DH feels like his feelings aren't being considered? GL working something out that works for both of you.

[roobee]

That would not be welcome at my house - at all.

If my parents or in-laws lived out of town and wanted to stay for 2-3 days a few weeks after the baby was born that might be okay. But to stay at my house when I'm just settling in to being a new mom? No.

[lowrioh]

Yes, My mom came down when I was in labor and stayed for a week. She went home for a couple of days and then came down again for 4-5 days. My dad came down some of the time too. They live about 2.5 hours away and my mom is retired so her schedule is super flexible. My mom is very helpful and we get along really well.
If you get along with your parent and they are actually helpful I would say 1-3 weeks. If not then limit it to 1 week max. Figure out what she would be most helpful with and make sure you let her know what you need help with. Everyone loves to hold the baby but in reality you need people to go to the grocery store, do laundry, make meals, take out the trash etc.

[okinawama]

My mom came two weeks after my son was born (my husband had those first two weeks off) and she stayed for almost a month. She was invaluable! I was nervous that a month was going to be too long, but at the end my husband and I both wished she could stay longer (we actually checked into changing her ticket). I couldn't have had anyone else but her do it though. I did not for one second feel that she was interfering, judging or butting in. She actually got up with me during every single night feeding and kept me company. It was amazing!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yes, our family came down in waves at the beginning. We wanted a few days just dh and I so my mom arrived when ds was about 3 days old. She stayed for 3 days. Poor woman took almost all of June off since I was due June 9th but ds didn't come till the 23rd and she had obligations at work. 3 days of her "help" was plenty.

MIL came after her and stayed 9 days. She was fantastic! Unobtrusive, helpful and able to give me lots of nursing advice.

Other family trickled in after that. I'd always panic when someone would leave b/c we'd have days without help but we always did just fine.

When ds2 was born we lived so close to family that no one stayed with us. they helped a bunch during daylight hours. It was nice with ds1 to be able to hand him over at 6am to a guest staying with us though!

Beth

[AshleyAnn]

That would not be welcome at my house - at all.

If my parents or in-laws lived out of town and wanted to stay for 2-3 days a few weeks after the baby was born that might be okay. But to stay at my house when I'm just settling in to being a new mom? No.

I'm a big girl and I'm pretty sure I can manage to handle a newborn on my own. I would consider it if I were a single mom or something like that but I really think DH and I will manage to care for our child and ourselves without live in help. I can't imagine house guests (even those that help) while adjusting to parenthood. I think I'd rather just figure it out myself than constantly being shown a different or better way.

[Melanie]

I'm a big girl and I'm pretty sure I can manage to handle a newborn on my own.

LOL, that is exactly what I thought, too! I didn't want anyone or think we needed any help. Now I wished we had asked for more than we did. Ours are local. ILs were no help, just came for a 'viewing' (eyeroll) but my mom came and did our grocery shopping once, and did one "hold the baby" session so I could nap. In retrospect wish I'd asked her come daily, for a week or so. More than that and I would wonder if it could prolong the adjustment period to being a new mommy. Having said, that a week so mommy can recover from a long arduous exhausting birth (my first - LOL) would have been really nice. With my 2nd I was all set up for people to come each day and by day 4 I wanted some time alone with my family! Their presence was amping up my usually-mellow 3 1/2 year old and I wanted them gone! Though my 2nds' birth was a piece of cake and I wasn't tired at all so I didn't really have the same need to just sleep, sleep, sleep as I did with my first.

As a first time mommy I think a week is reasonable so you can get into the swing of things without being on your own. Assuming your Dh has a few weeks off, of course.

Like a PPer said, it depends on how helpful they are. Are they the kind of guest who doesn't quite know what to do without direction so you feel like you have to help them, or will she jump right in and do what needs to be done without a gripe?

Good Luck!

[sunshine873]

No. Unfortunately my mom died a few years ago. My MIL hasn't been to see us in 14 years and even her 1st grandchild wasn't enough to change that.

But, we were kind of a different story too. DD was 3 months old when she finally broke out of the NICU and came home. By then, DH and I had a pretty good idea of how to care for her. We did OK on our own (we were just so overjoyed to finally have her home with us!) Our friends all organized meals for us though, and that was invaluable.

I think everyone's different and it depends on you and your DH, the relationship you have with those that might come to help and what you both want for your new family.

Good luck!