Did your mother come to stay with you?

[vludmilla]

Nope. She didn't come and she didn't offer any help of any kind.

[KrisM]

She came to visit for a couple hours at a time. With DD and DS2, she helped out with the older kids. But, no, she didn't just come and stay with us.

I don't think I would have needed help. My DH took a week or so off and that was enough. Plus, she has a full time job, so coming for a week is difficult.

[g-mama]

No. My brother and SIL booked a cruise for the very week I was due to deliver and asked my mom to watch their 3-year-old (my niece). Granted, they did not know this at the time, but when I called to tell my mom I was pregnant, she told me they'd asked her just the week before. I was devastated and asked her and my SIL both to try to find someone else to watch my niece many times throughout my pregnancy. My mom kept saying, "it will all work out...first babies are always late..."

Well, he wasn't late. In fact, he was right on time and I ended up having a c-section, after pushing for 3 hours and breaking my tailbone. And then he had to be under the bili-lights for jaundice for a week in our home. He was colicky and cried from 3pm til midnight every single day for three months. My DH went back to work the day after we got home from the hospital and after my mom had spent a week at my brother's house, she had to get back to her job. I just wanted someone who knew what they were doing more than I did to tell me it was all going to be alright. My MIL was no help either.

I guess it did make me a very self-sufficient mom very quickly, though.

[firsttimemama]

It really hurt my mother's feelings but I didn't want anyone staying with us those first 2 weeks (when DH was off work)

My mom came on week 3 and stayed one week. (DH was back at work)

[elektra]

No. My mom is not physically capable of caring for me or my kids.
When DD was born DH took 2 weeks off and then I was on my own after that.
With DS, DH took two days off, and then I had our nanny help with DD in the mornings for 3 or 4 weeks.
If you want your mom there I would suggest having her come for 1-2 weeks, starting after your DH returns to work.

[ThreeofUs]

It's a tradition in both sides of our families, but my mom passed away the year before DS1 was born, and DH's mom was too feeble to make it.

So we had 1.5 months of doula help after DS1 was born (36 hours labor, emergency C, a week in ICU/NICU for both of us - and I had planned on a natural birth!), and 1 month after DS2 (regular c).

I would have given my right leg to have my mother with me, helping. I'd say you NEVER know what's going to happen, and to accept any and all help gratefully. Even if you have the very best labor and delivery experience, and a sweet baby with no reflux or colic issues, you can concentrate on your babymoon or send your mom out sight-seeing.

Just don't forget to speak up if you want to hold the baby more!

[jent]

MIL came for about 1.5 weeks and did her best to help cook, clean, do laundry, and go grocery shopping. My mom, who though she tries to help stresses me out, came from out of town for 1 wk when DD was 1 month, and I couldn't wait for that visit to end.

I agree that houseguests, even those that try to help, stress me out. It doesn't help that our house is tiny, so you can always hear each other and mess and clutter build up easily. For a while after DD was born, we kept deflecting all houseguests b/c I really felt that they were more work/stress than they were worth. Now that I am back in control of my household, however, everyone is welcome... DD LOVES visitors.

[Snow mom]

Figure out what she would be most helpful with and make sure you let her know what you need help with. Everyone loves to hold the baby but in reality you need people to go to the grocery store, do laundry, make meals, take out the trash etc.

I think this and personalities is the key to whether or not having your mom "help" will actually help. My mom was out of the country when DD was born but MIL came for the first three weeks. It was terrible. She was more trouble than she was help and it put a lot of strain on my relationship with DH and with her. Communicate your expectations before the visit. Everyone likes to hold the baby but what you'll need most is someone to keep your house in order and it's important for you to get to know the baby and the baby to get to know you. MIL wasn't helpful with tasks around the house and would complain about not getting to hold DD enough. DH had to spend time taking care of her rather than us getting additional help. MIL is the type that you can't even make friendly suggestions to without it blowing up so there was really no way to get what we needed from her. Anyway, that's just my long winded advice to think carefully about having someone stay with you. Also, you'll be learning to be a family of three so I think your DH absolutely should get an equal vote on when and how long your mom comes for (assuming he can and will take some leave.) Just make sure he knows that if he vetoes your mom staying he'll have to pick up the slack.

[MoJo]

My mom came for a week, and it wasn't long enough. (She still works full time, so longer wasn't an option.)

She's out of state, so she came the evening after my water broke, which turned out to be the day before DD was born, and two days before I could be home.

It would have been more helpful if she hadn't come 'til we were home. . . although she got to see her 1st grandchild's birth, and I wouldn't want to take that from her.

My mom was great with cooking and cleaning, and mostly letting me figure out the baby. But she did help with the first home bath, which was great, because the nurses at the hospital gave all that instruction to DH only while I was still on the delivery table getting stitches.

I felt MUCH worse every time I'd spend time on my feet, and I wasn't allowed to go down stairs (to the laundry area in the basement.)

My DH was home too, but he was glad he didn't have to cook and clean. . . and then when he had to, I ended up begging for him to bring me some clean clothes I could wear. He was happy to run errands, buy groceries, etc.

I expect we'll do exactly the same thing this time, except that my mom & DH will help take care of DD too.

My ILs (out of state) have never visited, and they already have great-grandchildren, so another grandchild is nothing to them. They didn't even send a gift or a card to welcome DD.

I hope you can work something out that works for everyone involved.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I consider myself a big girl but I can honestly say that it is darned nice to be able to take a nap when you are recovering from birth and know that your baby is being tended to. For both births, dh and I were up all night so he was just as exhausted as me. In those first few days after ds2 was born family would come over mid afternoon and we would nap. It was great! You don't realize how much you stay on alert and are unable to really fall asleep when you have a baby until you have a baby. That one little ear is constantly perked up, waiting in case baby needs something.

Beth