What age for cry-it-out?

[TwoBees]

DD is only 3.5 mos old, but was born 3 mos early, so her adjusted age is roughly 2-3 weeks. DH is content to let her cry at night until she falls asleep, and when she wakes up if not content after a feeding. I say she is too young to cry-it-out and that there is nothing wrong with holding her to comfort her back to sleep. Which means that this job gets left to me at night. Who's right? And if she is just wimpering with short, intermittent cries, do we let her go?

[WatchingThemGrow]

too young, imo. We did it at 5.5-6m with the first. I wouldn't get up for weak, intermittent cries.

[wellyes]

That's waaaay too young. I believe Richard Ferber (who literally wrote the book on the topic) recommends 5 months at the earliest. So, you are correct .

Good books on the topic to check out of the library
1. Solve your child's sleep problemsm - Ferber (for when baby's a little older)
2. Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child - Weissbluth (best on the topic for all infant stages IMO)
3. The No-Cry Sleep Solution - Pantly (has some techniques you may find helpful until CIO becomes an option)

I don't think wimpering always requires being picked up - new babies sleep very noisily - but I'd immediately address any actual crying. Babies that young don't really have a differentation between "I want" and "I need" so not getting their "wants" met ramps up their distress levels.

[DrSally]

Too young. 5 months is what Ferber says is the earliest. I personally wasn't comfortable until much later--10 mo and 16 mo.

[scrooks]

I have a similar question...DS is a little over 4 months and he doesn't really cry but protests when going to sleep. We generally let him go for about 10 minutes to see if he will calm down....does this sound normal for a 4 month old. I keep telling my husband that CIO isn't appropriate until he's a bit bigger but I agree with him we can't run in there for every little wimper or cry...I don't want to create bad sleep habits...I want him to be able to sooth himself. Is it ok to let them fuss for a bit to settle down??

[DrSally]

I think there's a difference btwn a "I'm trying to settle down" wimper and a full on "I need you" cry. I personally don't have a problem with seeing if they can settle themselves for a few min at that age. Some babies need to discharge some energy before settling down. But, IMO, babies learn to self-soothe by internalizing experiences of being soothed by mom and dad. Being left alone in a state of great distress is not good IMO.

[firsttimemama]

Not a fan of CIO - and noticed your signature says babe was premature.. I'd tend to think of those weeks as weeks baby was supposed to still be in utero.. which would make the CIO window even later for me (ie if 5 months is "normal" I'd wait longer)

[wellyes]

DS is a little over 4 months and he doesn't really cry but protests when going to sleep. We generally let him go for about 10 minutes to see if he will calm down....does this sound normal for a 4 month old. I keep telling my husband that CIO isn't appropriate until he's a bit bigger but I agree with him we can't run in there for every little wimper or cry...

It sounds normal but if it's not working (if he doesn't consistently self-sooth after 10 minutes) I'd definitely recommend stopping that method & exchanging it for the phased approach - let him cry for a few minutes (2-3) between parent visits the first day, a bit longer spacing on the second day, and so forth.

I think this is one of those things where reading the Ferber book and applying his suggestions will go a long way to minimizing parent and child distress and helping long-term success.

I wasn't comfortable with CIO til 8-9 months but I know every baby is different.

[marge234]

You are right. Even the hard core CIO people say not in the beginning. The period is longer for you because she was premature. My LO was term but small. He started sleeping better, longer when he put on some weight, I think it was around 14 pounds. Hang in there, you're doing great job mama!

[Fairy]

Way too young. 4 months for full term babies maybe. Borderline, even for them IMO. 5 and 6mo is ok for full term baby. Not sure for adjusted age babies. Your guy? Too young. And I'm a CIO girl.