What is Acceptable?

[DrSally]

I think a couple times a month in the evenings is acceptable for networking, . DH works out of town during the week and prob does networking events 1x a month. It's not fun to have him gone for a precious evening, but it's what he needs to do, and he's not out partying, he's making connections and follows up on those connections (i.e, he networks effectively). I also think once a year convention is appropriate. Here's my take: It's not something I enjoy (more time away from family), but it's necessary, so it's fine with me. I would think it's even more important for a freelancer to network. I'm sure it's hard for her to feel so down and then have you gone for even a little time. If you can talk to her about it in terms of getting you more permanent work so that she can quit her job, maybe that would help?

ETA: ITA with pp's--even if you're just checking "norms" here, it still comes down to what agreement you have btwn you and your wife. As an aside, I also get jealous about the fun food DH gets to eat at these events.

[sectorQ]

There are plenty of times when I would prefer to stay home instead of going to a networking event. Especially since I'm now changing how I network and where. After going to all sorts of industry related events, I'm going to step outside of my industry and go to events where I can meet potential clients.

I thought meeting other professionals in my field would yield work. Since a lot of people in my industry pass on work when they get swamped. Unfortunately, where I live isn't exactly a hot bed for what I do. So the work is scarce.

I lucked out when I partnered up with an agency up North. The money is great and there's a potential for me to take a leadership role, which means a higher income.

And yes, in the beginning she used to get jealous of the foods I'd eat while out. So what I do is, on my way home I'll stop at a restaurant and get her a chocolate dessert she loves. That makes her VERY happy. And it makes me happy too.

[niccig]

And yes, in the beginning she used to get jealous of the foods I'd eat while out. So what I do is, on my way home I'll stop at a restaurant and get her a chocolate dessert she loves. That makes her VERY happy. And it makes me happy too.

At least for me, this kind of gesture goes a long way in my relationship with DH. If DH is considerate, gives as much notice as possible, helps out when he knows I've done more, so he can go to an event - well, it goes a long way to improving my attitude. You said she's tired, stressed, pregnant - I would be so crappy if that was me, and if you sprung a last minute "got to network and can't help with the night routine", then yes I would be POed. But if I know, if you've helped out at home and if I get the next night off, then I would be OK with things.

[DrSally]

And yes, in the beginning she used to get jealous of the foods I'd eat while out. So what I do is, on my way home I'll stop at a restaurant and get her a chocolate dessert she loves. That makes her VERY happy. And it makes me happy too.

Awesome!

I think you're smart to switch to networking with potential clients. Right now, there seems to be a glut of Graphic designers, in certain areas at least.

[sectorQ]

I think that definitely sounds like a fair deal. I'm willing to put in whatever extra work at home in order to be able to go network. No matter what it is. Extra cleaning, taking our DD so she can go out (or stay in), massage, etc.

[kransden]

It doesn't sound like you are going out on boys' weekends and dropping all your prior social commitments.

While I might not like what you are doing, they are sound business practices for your field. Especially if you are not spending a lot of money when you are out.

Pregnant women aren't always rational. I know in my 2nd trimester I could barely move, I was so tired. So going out wasn't something I wanted to do, AND I wanted dh with me too. It didn't matter that I was sleeping lol.

[sectorQ]

I'm willing to cut back the networking and only attend events that are a must while she's prego and after the baby's born. Which would decrease me going out. Or even skipping important events to stay home if she needs me to be there for her. I can always catch another event, or even have a friend go to one and scope it out for me.

Has anyone ever done any networking via a MeetUp.com? Has it brought anyone anything good?

I signed up for MeetUp.com and I get emails for new groups all the time. But I wonder which groups are actually business oriented, and which ones are meat markets. I would hate to waste my time driving to a meet up and find out it's a bunch of people just socializing.

[SammyeGail]

You asked for honest answers, mine is going to be a bit different, to the point, foreclosure and a new baby on the way changes everything. My DH has read this and I feel there may be some things sort of 'between the lines'.

I currently freelance (i.e. WAHD) and have partnered up with a design agency that gives me work. I live in Florida, the agency is up North. Although things have slowed down and I haven’t worked in a few weeks.

I have a part-time job doing manual labor to get some sort of income during slow times. Once things pick up again with the agency, I’ll go back to working 40-50 hrs a week. I think your focus right now should be providing for your family. You mentioned in a reply your main mission is to save, save, save. Well, work, work, work. I know its hard going from a great high income job to manual labor/career change, but men & women all over America have and are doing it.

I belong to an illustration collective. We get together once a month (or two) depending on everyone’s schedule. A lot of the illustrators in the group are also dads with kids that range from new borns to 13yr olds. I would say once a month would be ok, if your wife is ok with it. This in addition to your networking, you need to prioritize which is more effective toward getting you back into your workforce.

As a freelancer, I need to go out and network. The more people I meet, the better chances I have of increasing my workload. I want to get to a point where I don’t have to go too long without work.

The illustration group is more of a creative recharge, although we do end up working on projects together. I work on said projects when I have time during the day, or after my wife and daughter are asleep (late nights). Are these projects providing any income? Or is this more of an 'outlet'? I understand you want to keep your creative juices going, but honestly, how much time are you committing to this?

My wife hardly goes out, although she wishes she had more girls night out, but when the opportunity arises she chooses to stay home. I would love for her to go out and enjoy herself because the few times she does, it makes her happy. I would find work that provides income so she doesn't have to worry about $$ on girls night out. That may be the reason she chooses to stay home.

I’m home a lot. I like being home, but I also like blowing the stink off. My wife and I do a lot together with our daughter. She works at Disney, so we have free reign of all the parks. Plus with connections to SeaWorld and Universal, we visit those parks as well.

I do the cooking; wash dishes, do laundry; clean litter box, bathrooms, and handy work around the house. Plus I’ll be doing more since my wife is pregnant. I don't know how much you are actually working, but I think with your wife working full time, pregnant, exhausted, maybe you should start doing more asap.

My questions are as follows:

1) Is it acceptable for me to go out and network a couple times a month? Are you just meeting with the same people every time? Do these meetings happen at night? Could you work more during the day and network in the evenings? Has this networking been very productive?

2) Is it acceptable for me to meet up with the illustration group once every month or two?

3) Is it acceptable for me to go to a convention once a year or so? I think this would be most acceptable, but least obtainable, they are expensive. I think if you took what work you could get now and saved for a convention it would be a much better networking opportunity that local networking.

I appreciate all honest answers.

I do not mean to be cruel and sorry to be harsh. I know if something happened to my DH's job he would dig ditches, float sheet rock, lay carpet, put up roofing in 100 degree weather to provide for his family until he found a new job. Networking would be part of that, but there is not that much time he would need to put into it that he couldn't also work another type of job to earn an income. I know networking is important in your career but the present financially is very very important also.

You mentioned your wife's job pushes her to the brink of depression. That is just so sad. She is carrying a very heavy load on her shoulders, she is now the main/only income of the family. Your house is in foreclosure. How does she feel about all of this? To be honest, if I were in her shoes, I would be on the brink of depression too.

Spring is coming and summer will be here, could you get a job at Disney working during the day and network in the evenings?

This hits close to home, it happened to a close family member. Her DH lost his job and he had to much pride to take just 'any job' and sat at home waiting on another job to come along that was good enough for him. He did alot of what he called networking, which was really just hanging out. Some other things happened, they are now divorced and his children do not like him for all the hardship he put them and their mother thru. The hardship financially and emotionally. Well, he still does. He would never provide check stubs for current job, we knew he worked alot of overtime, he finally provided one for a 40 hr week so she gets crap for child support. This divorce dragged out for 1.5+ yrs.

I'm in no way saying this will happen to you at all!!

Its just that I think a husband/father needs to realize when its time to step up, I can't catch how long have your really been out of work (how long is a 'few weeks'?) or how much $$ you actually bring in.

I'm just looking at this from a different perspective. I know you are asking about what is acceptable for you to do while looking for work in your career, but its a tough field right now, you have a family that needs you and I just feel that its something that you should really think long and hard about.

[sectorQ]

I'm currently working a manual labor job that pays well in order to have an income during this slow period. It doesn't pay as well as my freelance salary does (when I'm working), but it's a big help.

My last freelance gig was about 7 weeks ago. Paychecks from those gigs came in staggered, which was a huge help. Plus the current manual labor job is helping. It's long days, and bust @$$ work. But I love it because I'm working for my family's well being and I get to learn something new.

I'm also currently getting potential clients contacting me as well. It's not easy juggling potential clients with trying to work a long days doing hard labor, but again it's worth it.

My goal is to save up enough cash, so next time there's a slow down, we'll be fine. Of course, I'm not going to kick back and do nothing during the next slow down either. I will be going back to doing manual labor to continue the flow of income until the next freelance project hits (we’re in the middle of working with a potential client that could mean a lot of work for at least a year. Of course until then I’ll continue with the manual labor).

I'm also being supportive both emotionally and physically to my wife during her pregnancy. I did it the first time around. Learned a lot. And will do even better this time around. I will` make it as easy on her as I possibly can.

Hopefully she'll bounce back during her second trimester. She did the first time. As soon as she hit those 12 weeks, she felt like a new woman.

As far as the creative project goes, the goal is to generate a passive income (I have two other passive income gigs going on that don’t require a lot of time. The clients are understanding of my situation, so they give me the time I need to finish projects). This is something I do with the little time I have left to myself. After a long day working my butt off, cooking, cleaning, and spending time with wife and daughter, I sit down after they've fallen asleep and work on these small creative projects. It could earn me some big money, then again it could not. But it's a chance I'm willing to take. And these creative projects don't take up much of my time. Since I've been doing this for a long time, I've developed some speed.

Let me clarify. The networking I was doing before generated good jobs. That is until the whole financial crisis thing happened. Then it was scary because everyone I met with was out of a job or didn't know anyone that was hiring or needing freelance work.

Which is why I stopped going to those groups and am looking to network in different circles (the previous group was all creatives looking for work. The current groups I’m looking at are entrepreneurs and local business that get together).

I haven't delved into any of the new groups yet. There are some local groups that claim to be networking groups. The hard part is trying to decipher which ones are legit and which ones are just for socializing. I guess making phone calls and emailing is a good start at finding out. I’ve also heard some of these groups are used by scammers to strike deals.

Besides the manual labor, I have two friends who are experienced salesmen that are teaching me how to go out and get clients. I'm used to other people bringing in most of the work for me. This time, I'm going out after it (i.e. cold calling, setting up meetings, etc).

I hope I’m answering all questions. It’s late and I’m tired. Gotta get up at 5a to get DD and DW ready before I go and install floors.

[klwa]

I agree with the others that you and your wife need to sit down & discuss it. If you asked DH about his "extra-curriculars" you would probably get a similar explanation from him. Even down to the "my wife won't go out". What he doesn't WANT to understand is that because of HIS extra activities, I don't have time to meet people to go out with. He also refuses to acknowledge the true number of times a month he's actually gone. So, it depends on how honest you're being with yourself and yoru wife as to whether it's fair.