Ferber Followup - more help?

[KenReeves]

Thanks all who responded to my first questions. A couple follow-ups:

Of background, our DS was a great sleeper before starting the Ferber method. Maybe he just enjoyed being swaddled and rocked...Now it's a lot different. We are really beginning to question whether this was the right thing to do..

We have been following the method pretty much to the book -- increasing the time intervals each night....Night 4 was tonight and it still took about 45 minutes of heavy crying before he (in our opinion) cried himself to sleep.

1.) Does anyone else think this method just teaches a baby to cry himself/herself to sleep? For a boy who seemed to enjoy the getting to bed process (bath, swaddle, rock), we feel he is beginning to associate sleep with a "bad" process

2.) Did anyone else have a baby who immediately sat/stood up when you laid him down on the bed and begin to cry? We have a hard time seeing him not continuing to do that in the future.

3.) What is success here? People say it can take 7 days for this method to work but does that mean he no longer cries when you place him down and he stays lying down? Or does it mean he will only cry for 20 minutes instead of 45 or 60 minutes.

Thanks everyone ahead of time for your thoughts and advice!

[arivecchi]

Both of our boys would whimper a little but go to sleep within 5 minutes after doing CIO. However, if you are not comfortable with CIO, there are many other techniques. Just ask here. People will give you a million ideas.

I did CIO when the boys were about 5 months so they could not sit at that point. DS2 did start standing in the crib recently and we had to let him cry a while the first night he figured that out (about 30-40 minutes).

[DrSally]

I'm sorry, I missed your other post. How old is your son? FWIW, we swaddled, rocked, and nursed our son to sleep for the first 5 months too, and those are the conditions he got used to for sleeping. At about 5.5 months, it stopped working and he just was having a really hard time. It was ready for him to be unswaddled and sleep in his own room. The noise from the sides of the PNP was waking him up. It took a few nights for him to acclimate, but he was able to fall asleep much better under those circumstances. I still got up to nurse him, but being able to fall asleep wo/ the rocking and swaddling was very helpful for both of us. We didn't really do CIO per se, but were changing the conditions of sleep on him, and that took some getting used to.

Ideally, with whatever method you use, there will be little to no crying once you put DS down to sleep. He's used to what you do now, so of course he's going to stand there and cry "what is going on here" until he gets used to the new way of going to sleep.

IMO, the key is to stick to whatever plan you have (unless it really isn't working) b/c otherwise it can be confusing. I read several sleep books, but one thing I read in Ferber that really made sense from a behavioral standpoint was that if you give up your program, all that crying would've been for nothing, KWIM? So, I think that whatever program or plan of action you choose, it's important to try to stick with it for awhile to see if it works. I read your other post, and I do agree with those that said to try nighttime first before naptime.

[wellyes]

I did Ferber at 9 months, similar in age to your DC.

1.) Does anyone else think this method just teaches a baby to cry himself/herself to sleep? For a boy who seemed to enjoy the getting to bed process (bath, swaddle, rock), we feel he is beginning to associate sleep with a "bad" process.

No way - that would be AWFUL, if it was just teaching a kid to cry himself to sleep. The crying is a transition only, it's hard for them to learn to sleep on their own.

2.) Did anyone else have a baby who immediately sat/stood up when you laid him down on the bed and begin to cry? We have a hard time seeing him not continuing to do that in the future.

We Ferbered DD to get away from the 2 hours + per night we were trying to get her to sleep. She screamed and stood up and panicked when we didn't actively swaddle/rock her at bedtime. Basically the goal was to teach her how to lie down quietly and drift off.

3.) What is success here? People say it can take 7 days for this method to work but does that mean he no longer cries when you place him down and he stays lying down? Or does it mean he will only cry for 20 minutes instead of 45 or 60 minutes.

Once we got past initial & extremely unfun initial phase of Ferberization that you're going through now, our bedtime routine for whichever parent is putting her to bed became: do our nighttime rituals (PJs, story), then turn off lights and put her into bed. She sometimes fusses a little at this but does NOT cry. The parent stay with her in the room for a few minutes, often keeping a hand on her back. We're then able to slip out of the room. Sometimes she's already asleep at this point, sometimes she's just nearly asleep.

I would not find it acceptable to have my kid cry every night, but I thought that spending hours putting her to bed every night was no good for anyone in the family. Ferberization helped us get to a very nice, short, peaceful bedtime for our LO.

Hope that helps!

[KenReeves]

thanks all for the replies! hopefully the next few nights we will make some progress

[arivecchi]

Good luck! Let us know what happens!

[KrisM]

I would not find it acceptable to have my kid cry every night, but I thought that spending hours putting her to bed every night was no good for anyone in the family. Ferberization helped us get to a very nice, short, peaceful bedtime for our LO.

Hope that helps!

I think "crying" is variable, too. DS2 cries every night and every nap time. EVERY. But, it's for 2-3 minutes and then he goes to sleep. I have no idea how to get him past that, so I let him do it. It's been months that he's done this, too.

Crying for an extended period of time is something else, of course. And, if his cry is different than normal, we go back in. But, usually it's quick and a protest cry,