If you have no sex drive...

[Corie]

are you not having sex with your DH?


I get confused by this.

My DH definitely has a stronger sex drive than I do. But even if I don't
feel like it or don't want to do it, many times I still do. Most times I do.

Please enlighten me.

[Twoboos]

Um.... not so much.

It's horrible and I know I should (you set a great example, Corie!! ).

[lalasmama]

When I was with XH and having a decreased libido, we were still intimate, just not as often or as "fun" as when I was "in the mood".

ETA: I was very much in a "fake it til you make it" situation. As much I didn't want to do it, it didn't seem like withholding sex would do much good, since then he would be whining about that too.

[daisymommy]

9 times out of 10 "no sex drive = no sex"

But sometimes I feel like a bad wife and do it anyway. Not that often though.

I must say, I figured out after 12 years of marriage, doctors, and a counselor (because our marriage was on the rocks due to my total and complete lack of sex drive)--that for me, ANY type of chemical/hormonal birth control does away with my sex drive. I've used everything on the market, they all do that to me. But I didn't realize it. I felt like a sex zombie. Just dead.

Until I just got tired of being on it, went for natural family planning, and WOA girlfriend--LOOK OUT! Total life change

Of course now that I've had a baby and get no sleep we're back to square one, but that's to be expected.

[kijip]

I "give it the college try" until I DO want to be doing it. Usually even if I was not in the mood at first, I am after a few minutes of just going for it. If I really don't want to, or I don't get into it after a little bit (rare), then we stop or just don't to begin with. It was not until after F's birth that we ever experienced his libido out-pacing mine. Before we were evenly matched or I was ready more often than him.

[BabyMine]

Nope I won't do it if I'm not in the mode. Sometimes he can work me into one but if he can't them we don't. Luckily, right after TT I haven't had that problem. Before M and after M I did. We went through 1 year without any. Mine was tied to medical reasons and he knew that so he didn't push.( no pun intended). It really took off after he was fixed. Knowing there is no chance of a pregnancy takes a big load off my mind.

Know I'm not saying we do it everyday. It's averages about 2-3 times a week. Sometimes more sometimes left. It also depends if I am under stress. Sex to me is both emotionally and physically. If they aren't there than it ain't happening.

[wellyes]

I do not feel obligated to perform "wifely duties" when I a lack sex drive. But I do feel obligated is to address it - is it a medication issue? a mental health issue? an underlying relationship issue? or am I not taking care of myself in terms of fitness/nutrition and that makes me feel unattractive? etc. I'll confess there have been stretches in my life when I didn't realize I wasn't having much of a sex drive (mostly due to anxiety/mental health stuff). Much better now but it's become something I have to actively keep an eye on.

[hillview]

I "give it the college try" until I DO want to be doing it. Usually even if I was not in the mood at first, I am after a few minutes of just going for it. ... Before we were evenly matched or I was ready more often than him.

For me it is usually that I am SO tired. But I put out 100% of the time sometimes it is just a get to the point sort of gig but I do what I can.
/hillary

[Raidra]

Most of the time my husband waits to initiate until I'm exhausted and in bed already, so I'm almost never in the mood at the start. I've told him before that he'd get a much better reception if he tried to get things going right after the kids fall asleep, but that never happens. Sometimes I really do put my foot down because I'm that tired, other times I let him work a bit to convince me, and other times I give in right away because it's usually faster to just have a quickie rather than have him spend 20 minutes trying to get me in the mood.

I always feel better (emotionally) after having sex, so I don't think it's terrible that I give in when I'm not really in the mood. If I resented it or felt like I was being taken advantage of, I'd stand my ground more.

[funda62]

I do not feel obligated to perform "wifely duties" when I a lack sex drive. But I do feel obligated is to address it - is it a medication issue? a mental health issue? an underlying relationship issue? or am I not taking care of myself in terms of fitness/nutrition and that makes me feel unattractive? etc. I'll confess there have been stretches in my life when I didn't realize I wasn't having much of a sex drive (mostly due to anxiety/mental health stuff). Much better now but it's become something I have to actively keep an eye on.

Except that I still don't have a sex drive. Sex is such a personal thing I can't imagine doing it without wanting to.