are you not having sex with your DH?
I get confused by this.
My DH definitely has a stronger sex drive than I do. But even if I don't
feel like it or don't want to do it, many times I still do. Most times I do.
Please enlighten me.
No! No sex drive, no sex!
Yes! I give it the old college try.
Other, please explain...
are you not having sex with your DH?
I get confused by this.
My DH definitely has a stronger sex drive than I do. But even if I don't
feel like it or don't want to do it, many times I still do. Most times I do.
Please enlighten me.
Corie
"A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight."
-fortune cookie
Um.... not so much.
It's horrible and I know I should (you set a great example, Corie!! ).
When I was with XH and having a decreased libido, we were still intimate, just not as often or as "fun" as when I was "in the mood".
ETA: I was very much in a "fake it til you make it" situation. As much I didn't want to do it, it didn't seem like withholding sex would do much good, since then he would be whining about that too.
Last edited by lalasmama; 04-04-2010 at 09:50 PM.
--Mimi
Mom to Lala (2004), Bonus Mom to Big Sis 1 (1991) and Big Sis 2 (1992)
Grammy to Big Kindy Kid (2011), Big Pre-K Kid (2012),
Grandbaby Appendage (2014), and New Baby Grandboy (summer 2017)
9 times out of 10 "no sex drive = no sex"
But sometimes I feel like a bad wife and do it anyway. Not that often though.
I must say, I figured out after 12 years of marriage, doctors, and a counselor (because our marriage was on the rocks due to my total and complete lack of sex drive)--that for me, ANY type of chemical/hormonal birth control does away with my sex drive. I've used everything on the market, they all do that to me. But I didn't realize it. I felt like a sex zombie. Just dead.
Until I just got tired of being on it, went for natural family planning, and WOA girlfriend--LOOK OUT! Total life change
Of course now that I've had a baby and get no sleep we're back to square one, but that's to be expected.
Mama to "The Fantastic Four":
DS 02
DD 06
DS 09
DD 12
I "give it the college try" until I DO want to be doing it. Usually even if I was not in the mood at first, I am after a few minutes of just going for it. If I really don't want to, or I don't get into it after a little bit (rare), then we stop or just don't to begin with. It was not until after F's birth that we ever experienced his libido out-pacing mine. Before we were evenly matched or I was ready more often than him.
Katie, mama to a pair of boys.
Nope I won't do it if I'm not in the mode. Sometimes he can work me into one but if he can't them we don't. Luckily, right after TT I haven't had that problem. Before M and after M I did. We went through 1 year without any. Mine was tied to medical reasons and he knew that so he didn't push.( no pun intended). It really took off after he was fixed. Knowing there is no chance of a pregnancy takes a big load off my mind.
Know I'm not saying we do it everyday. It's averages about 2-3 times a week. Sometimes more sometimes left. It also depends if I am under stress. Sex to me is both emotionally and physically. If they aren't there than it ain't happening.
Jenn
M - my 7 yo ADHD/anxiety monkey.
TT - my 4yo tiny terror.
"Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!" "I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights." “No comment” is a comment."
"The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it." "Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
- George Carlan
I do not feel obligated to perform "wifely duties" when I a lack sex drive. But I do feel obligated is to address it - is it a medication issue? a mental health issue? an underlying relationship issue? or am I not taking care of myself in terms of fitness/nutrition and that makes me feel unattractive? etc. I'll confess there have been stretches in my life when I didn't realize I wasn't having much of a sex drive (mostly due to anxiety/mental health stuff). Much better now but it's become something I have to actively keep an eye on.
DD - 8
DS - 5
Most of the time my husband waits to initiate until I'm exhausted and in bed already, so I'm almost never in the mood at the start. I've told him before that he'd get a much better reception if he tried to get things going right after the kids fall asleep, but that never happens. Sometimes I really do put my foot down because I'm that tired, other times I let him work a bit to convince me, and other times I give in right away because it's usually faster to just have a quickie rather than have him spend 20 minutes trying to get me in the mood.
I always feel better (emotionally) after having sex, so I don't think it's terrible that I give in when I'm not really in the mood. If I resented it or felt like I was being taken advantage of, I'd stand my ground more.