View Poll Results: If you have no sex drive, are you still having sex with DH?

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  • No! No sex drive, no sex!

    37 31.09%
  • Yes! I give it the old college try.

    72 60.50%
  • Other, please explain...

    10 8.40%
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  1. #21
    wendibird22's Avatar
    wendibird22 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jacksmommy2b View Post
    We have scheduled sex.

    I have always had a super low drive and add to that two very small cosleeping kids and being 4 month PP after some nasty tearing and I could just as likely be a nun.

    But sex is very important to M, more so emotionally than just physically so for the time being we have sex day. He never asks knowing he's sure to get it once a week. (and didn't once through my recovery and I waited 13 weeks) I like not having to stress about when/how, how long it's been and if M is feeling frustrated with a lack of lovin'.

    I'm sure when S is a little more predictable and sex stops being uncomfortable we'll go back to random, more frequent, and exctiting sex - but for now we're both making do.
    So how did you reach this decision? Did you discuss what the schedule would be and when? I'm very intrigued.

    For me, like OP, no drive=no sex. And I do find it is a strain on our relationship. DH definitely equates sex to my feelings about him so he takes it personally. And I can tell he feels defeated. But in my defense I have a 3mo and I'm TIRED and I'm breastfeeding and he always waits to initiate when I'm half asleep. I found myself in the same situation and I really, really had to make the effort. Glad to see I'm not alone.
    Mom to two amazing DDs ('07 & '09) and a fur baby.

    Gluten free since Nov '11 after non-celiac gluten sensitive diagnosis. Have had great improvement or total elimination of: migraines, bloating/distention, heartburn, cystic acne, canker sores, bleeding gums, eczema on elbows, dry skin and scalp, muscle cramps, PMS, hair loss, heart palpitations, fatigue. I'm amazed.

  2. #22
    kmak is offline Copper level (50+ posts)
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    I have zero sex drive. So, after it becoming a really big issue in our marriage, we worked out a schedule. Sounds really boring, but we're both very happy now. He has times that he knows for sure that we will have sex and I have times that I know I will not have to even think about it. It actually makes me more willing to actually have sex. Not during my time though.
    -- K

    9/05 & 12/07

  3. #23
    Globetrotter is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcafe View Post
    We are the opposite. He has the low drive and unfortunately the "no" person has all of the power in a sexual relationship. I have quite simply given up asking. I did communicate this to DH and he seemed to respond positively to upping his game, so the ball is in his court.
    i'm glad you said this because we have the same issue, and talking to my GFs and reading everything in the popular media, I feel like a freak!

  4. #24
    edurnemk is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Globetrotter View Post
    i'm glad you said this because we have the same issue, and talking to my GFs and reading everything in the popular media, I feel like a freak!
    I learned not to listen to the media or my friends. Once on another parenting board there was a thread about how often people did it, and it made me want to cry, all but 2 posters claimed they did it anywhere from 5 times a week to 3 times a day. After thinking about it I decided not to believe most of those posts. I know most people don't have as long a dry spell as I've had, but still, everyday? Seriously, I feel people exagerate a lot because of expectations created by the media.
    DS 1/08
    DD 7/2012

  5. #25
    mamicka is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by edurnemk View Post
    I learned not to listen to the media or my friends. Once on another parenting board there was a thread about how often people did it, and it made me want to cry, all but 2 posters claimed they did it anywhere from 5 times a week to 3 times a day. After thinking about it I decided not to believe most of those posts. I know most people don't have as long a dry spell as I've had, but still, everyday? Seriously, I feel people exagerate a lot because of expectations created by the media.
    I consider DH & I to be pretty normal/average in this department. That is based on nothing at all, I just feel like it's got to be. I can't imagine DTD more than once a day or even 5 times a week barring some special circumstances which I can't imagine. We shoot for at least once/week. Sometimes it's up to 3x & other times its only 2x/month (if someone's sick or having a particularly busy schedule, etc).

  6. #26
    Globetrotter is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by edurnemk View Post
    I learned not to listen to the media or my friends. Once on another parenting board there was a thread about how often people did it, and it made me want to cry, all but 2 posters claimed they did it anywhere from 5 times a week to 3 times a day. After thinking about it I decided not to believe most of those posts. I know most people don't have as long a dry spell as I've had, but still, everyday? Seriously, I feel people exagerate a lot because of expectations created by the media.
    My problem isn't frequency, and come on, who is doing it every day with kids to take care of? If you believe popular media, men are very "enthusiastic" while their wives are scheming to figure out ways to get out of it I've never seen a man portrayed as having the low sex drive or other difficulties (other than ED, which is not the case here)- maybe it's an ego thing for them, or maybe it is truly very rare (could be).

  7. #27
    Corie's Avatar
    Corie is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by wendibird22 View Post
    For me, like OP, no drive=no sex.

    I'm the OP and that wasn't me! I have sex pretty much whenever
    my DH wants it.
    Corie

    "A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight."
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  8. #28
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    It's about 50/50 here. I have had absolutely no sex drive since getting pregnant this time...I mean I literally have not wanted to have sex once in the past 14 weeks. But I know this is a temporary, hormonal thing (before this pregnancy our sex drive was relatively matched), and I don't expect DH to just do without for 9 months. So I try to reciprocate when he's in the mood...not always, especially because I'm SO tired lately, but about half the time. I don't consider it a "favor" or anything - it's just something I do because I love him, like washing his clothes or fixing his lunch.
    Stacy
    Wife to K
    Mommy to A (5) and twins E & S (1.5)

    The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make...I did not live in the moment enough. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. - Anna Quindlen

  9. #29
    trentsmom is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcafe View Post
    We are the opposite. He has the low drive and unfortunately the "no" person has all of the power in a sexual relationship. I have quite simply given up asking. I did communicate this to DH and he seemed to respond positively to upping his game, so the ball is in his court.
    I finally told DH that I was no longer going to be initiating. It is now all up to him. He told me things will get better after we have permanent birth control. Yeah, right. If things don't change after that, I'm going to insist that he get his hormones checked.
    DS1 11/03
    DS2 5/09

  10. #30
    Globetrotter is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by trentsmom View Post
    I finally told DH that I was no longer going to be initiating. It is now all up to him. He told me things will get better after we have permanent birth control. Yeah, right. If things don't change after that, I'm going to insist that he get his hormones checked.
    Can it be hormonal for men? There are some issues but he was very upset when I suggested he check it out. sigh...

    If I left it up to him entirely I'm not sure how motivated he would be, though I think he is trying somewhat. However, given the choice between say.. hiking or sex, he would choose the hike any day.

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