Am I being silly?

[conniez]

DH's friend got him a ticket to E3 so hubby decided we should take advantage of him being there & make a family trip to Disneyland. The last time we went in 2004 we were with my parents...spending time with my Dad while he was on a 2-week R&R from a tour in Iraq. When DH mentioned DL I asked if it would be just us or with my parents. He said just us, but now I feel bad about not taking my parents with us. My parents are still young (late 40s), so I know he's not worried about them dragging us down. They do a lot for us (helping occasionally with groceries when my dad goes to commissary) and we used to rent a room from them when we first got married, so it just feels wrong to leave them behind. Is it silly to feel this way?

[MMMommy]

A few questions for you. Do you live near your parents and see them frequently? Do you (and your parents) live near Disneyland or is Disneyland a trip that requires major travel plans (airfare or long road trip, hotel, etc.)?

If this is a "big" and rare trip for your family (and for DH), I can understand how he might want it to be just the family, minus the in-laws. Perhaps DH wants some quality alone time with the family, especially if a trip like this is rare and infrequent. I am the first to admit that I wouldn't want to go on vacation with MIL if I didn't have to. Having MIL on my vacation is not my idea of a fun and comfortable trip.

Or maybe DH doesn't realize how badly you want your parents to be included. Maybe he actually doesn't have a preference if they come or not (sometimes men are just clueless, right?) and all you have to do is tell him you would love to spend time with your parents and include them.

Regardless, I don't think you should feel bad for not including them. I don't think there would be an expectation on their part to be included on a Disneyland trip just because they went with you once before.

Either way, a trip to Disneyland sounds like a blast!

[lalasmama]

My dad is going with us to DL next summer. My really dorky reason? I want to ride on rides too, and don't want to be limited to only what La is willing to ride. She's adventurous but shrimpy, and her height would keep us out of the most fun rides. So dad is coming with us, all expenses paid, to be one heck of an expensive babysitter!

That being said, I would ask DH more of what his thoughts are. Does he want it to be a "real" family vacation (ie, just your immediate family), does he feel that you guys do "so much" with your parents that he wants to do this with just you and the DC, is he concerned about the expenses incurred with inviting two more people? I'd see where he is coming from and what his thought process is. It will be much easier to have a discussion about it when you know his side of things.

[conniez]

A few questions for you. Do you live near your parents and see them frequently? Do you (and your parents) live near Disneyland or is Disneyland a trip that requires major travel plans (airfare or long road trip, hotel, etc.)?

If this is a "big" and rare trip for your family (and for DH), I can understand how he might want it to be just the family, minus the in-laws.

We are about 10 minutes from my parents and 15 minutes from my in-laws (and BIL). We all live in the Silicon Valley, so no, we're not close to DL by any means. This trip would require a long drive (I'm scared of planes!) plus it's actually cheaper for us to drive.

...That being said, I would ask DH more of what his thoughts are. Does he want it to be a "real" family vacation (ie, just your immediate family), does he feel that you guys do "so much" with your parents that he wants to do this with just you and the DC, is he concerned about the expenses incurred with inviting two more people?

I asked DH "Is it going to be just us or are we asking my parents to go, too?" and he said "Just us". As far as the expenses go, our trip would be cheaper if they came because my dad would probably offer to pay for most of it - expect food/maybe 1/2 the hotel (plus he has his military discount). When I mentioned this to DH he just said it's okay he would make enough doing some side jobs, etc. (since he's still unempl.), that we would have enough $ by then. I don't know if this is a pride thing, or maybe he really wants it to be just us since this is DD2's first trip to DL. DH's not one to talk about feelings so I didn't push it...I was just glad DD1 was able to get her wish of going to DL this year!

[nfowife]

I don't really get why you would feel bad taking a trip with your family. You live near your parents and see them a lot, just because they went with you last time on a trip you don't need to take them any time. Your family now is you, DH, and your kids. You are certainly entitled to go places without consulting your parents. It certainly sounds like your DH wants it to be just your family...and that's what I would do.

[conniez]

I don't really get why you would feel bad taking a trip with your family. You live near your parents and see them a lot, just because they went with you last time on a trip you don't need to take them any time. Your family now is you, DH, and your kids. You are certainly entitled to go places without consulting your parents. It certainly sounds like your DH wants it to be just your family...and that's what I would do.

We do live very close, but my dad is busy with work & my mom is busy with church so we still don't see them as often as I'd like. We worked it out so 1 weekend we'll visit in-laws, the next my parents, then the 3rd Sat. is for ourselves. We are definitely closer to my parents though (we go on day trips with them, play board games, etc.). My in-laws don't understand English well & are VERY traditional, so it's hard for us to connect.

I know I don't have to 'consult' with anyone & my parents don't make me feel like I do. I guess ever since my dad came home safe from his 2nd tour in Iraq (yes, he keeps volunteering despite my mom's protests!)...I just feel like I don't want to waste the time I have with him, KWIM? Who knows when he'll volunteer again & I guess just knowing he could've died over there and now that he's home & still having occasional problems w/depression and being unhappy/lonely..well I just want to do my best to be a good daughter.

[kozachka]

I think your DH is letting you know that he does not want your or his parents to come to DL with you. And whatever his reasons are (being proud and wanting to provide for the family and not have to accept gifts/help from your parents, or just spending quality time with his wife and kids) it would be silly for you to insist on bringing your parents along. If your father were given a limited time to live because of a terminal illness than I could see why you'd want to make an exception.

It sounds to me that you see your parents fairly frequently already, and your DH and your ILs might be resenting that you don't spend as much time with his family as you do with yours, especially if they are very traditional. So bringing your parents to DL would make it only worse.

[conniez]

[QUOTE=kozachka;2683301whatever his reasons are (being proud and wanting to provide for the family and not have to accept gifts/help from your parents, or just spending quality time with his wife and kids) it would be silly for you to insist on bringing your parents along.[/QUOTE]

I'm not planning on pushing the issue with DH & I didn't bring the issue up after he mentioned it would just be us. I'm just venting & wondering if others understand what I'm feeling or if this is unusual to feel this way.