Anyone feel guilty about having another baby?

[elephantmeg]

yep and it turned out just fine-and a good thing in a lot of ways.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I did. I had a 5.5y gap so I really felt like I was messing with someone's world. It was completely fine and a very good thing for him.

Beth

[AnnieW625]

I do only because having two will be more expensive than having just one. We will have to scale back for a while and it's just kind of agonozing because I am not sure what kind of impact that will have one DD. We are pretty conservative with our cash flow and such, but I know with this pregnancy we've been eating out a lot because it's just easier and I know that DD will be dissapointed in a few months when that all comes to a screeching halt. We might also not renew our Disney passes because I don't want to be taking an infant to Disneyland so I know she might be dissapointed about that too. Otherwise I think she'll be fine.

[Indianamom2]

This is totally normal.

I will say that at your daughter's age, she will never remember what it was like "before", which may make you sad, but in the whole scheme of things makes it a bit easier.

Just a little humor here, but last night DD#1 (5.5 years old) and DH were out on the deck playing. DD looked wistfully over at a tree in our yard and said, "That tree reminds me of the good times we had before my brother was born." This from the girl who ADORES her little brother. Dramatic much? I know she doesn't regret her brother one bit. She loves having someone else to play with.

And as for worrying about how you will ever love another as much...you will. He or she will be so different and you will find all sorts of new and fascinating things to love about the new baby. I don't know how or why it works exactly, but it does. Ds #2 is SO completely different from DD#1 that I am really enjoying his baby-hood. I'm loving how the two kids interact with one another and just feel so blessed to have two kids. It took almost no time for two to become our new normal. Now I can't imagine going back to just one.

[MacMacMoo]

DS1 was born Aug 2008. We got pregnant when he was nine months old. We had no regrets about having another. However DS2 passed away in the womb two weeks before his due date. This happened recently so even though I want another little one, I feel guilty that I'm trying to replace the one I lost.

I talked with my sister who is three years older than me and she said she doesn't remeber a time when it was only her. All her memories I existed. DH's sister is five eyars older and she remebers a time when she didn't have a little bro. So personally my goal is to make sure DS1 doesn't remeber a time that was just him.

[scrooks]

I was worried my entire pregnancy that DD would be traumatized and hate us forever. At first she didn't really seem interested in DS but now she LOVES him. There have a couple of issues that have caused jealousy but those are definitely the exception and not the norm in our house.

I look back and I spent soooo much time trying to do "last things with just DD" I didn't really celebrate my pregnancy like I should have. That all changed the second I met DS. I fell in LOVE.

With DD I went through all the rough changes becoming a mom...I was nervous and a bit resentiful of this new little creature that had entered my life. It took me about a month to truly fall in love with her. With DS it was instantaneous and I was able to enjoy him immediately! I was not the nervous first time mom, I had a little bit of experience behind my belt and had some confidence. Sorry to get side tracked....it just had me thinking!

[arivecchi]

It is completely normal to mourn the end of your time with your first child. That was actually the hardest part about having my second child. Your first will take a little time to adjust, but then you will see your children playing or hugging and you will know it was all worth it.

P.S. There is a 25 month gap between my boys FWIW.

[sarahsthreads]

We have a bigger age gap than you will (3.75 years) and DD1 does not even remotely remember life without DD2. I remember trying to do special things with DD1 before we rocked her world - heck, I was in tears in the grocery store a week or two before DD2 came thinking about the fact that this might be the "last time" I went grocery shopping just with DD1! (I might have been a little tiny bit hormonal that day...?)

I cried every night for three weeks after DD2 was born thinking that we had totally ruined DD1's life, and then one day I really *looked* at DD1 while she held DD2 in the boppy in her lap and realized that she absolutely *adored* her baby sister. DD1 got DD2's first smiles, too.

The bond my two girls has is something I never would have even hoped for. Sure, they squabble over toys and things now and then, but sometimes I think they're closer to each other than they are to either me or DH! Every time they hug, or one comforts the other, or they share something or whisper little secrets to each other I fall even more in love with both of them.

As far as worrying about loving another child as much, that's a really normal feeling too. Trust me, it's not a problem. I can't say I love my girls equally, because I love them differently - not one more than the other, I just have a different bond with each because they are unique people.

Sarah

[teedeedee]

Thank you, thank you SO much everyone. I haven't been able to log on in a few days, and so I had a lot to read. I really appreciate your perspective and I feel so much better knowing that I'm not completely crazy. DD is very loving and I do think eventually she will love this baby. I do think it will be very hard on her at first. But, I'm kinda glad that she will not remember what it was like before baby.

I hadn't given much thought to the fact that DC 2 will not ever get that time with just us. That makes me a little sad, but I think that DD will be a great big sister, so that makes it a little better. =)

[khalloc]

I didnt feel guilty, but a bit sad. Wasnt sure I could love #2 like I did #1.

But having 2 has been awesome. #1 LOVES #2 and vice versa. They are almost 2.5 years apart. #1 doesn't remember not having #2. And now she has someone to boss around and play with at home. It's great!