would this bother you?

[lcarlson90]

My DH travels a bit for work and when he is away he frequently goes to clubs by himself. He is 32 and he is definitely the out-going party type. We have had discussions about this and he tells me that he goes for the environment. He likes to have a couple drinks, listen to music, talk to people (men and women). He swears it's not to pick-up on women, he loves me etc. etc. For some reason I do believe him mainly because I know he just likes to be with people. He is not the type to sit in his hotel room.

With that said, I am insecure. It bothers me that he is at a club because I feel like the only reason guys go there is to pick up on other woman. I don't really think he would tell me he was going if it was to cheat, he just wouldn't tell me. I know I could tell him that he has to stop going but I think he would resent that. Besides, I knew when I married him that he was the type that was always going to be out-going.

Outside of this issue, he is a loving and responsible husband and father. He does go out with the "guys" on occasion, but it's not excessive.

Would this bother you? How would you deal with it?

[sunshine873]

We experience the same kinds of thing here. Although DH usually travels with other guys on his team who are much younger and single. So he'll go out with them, drink a little, dance a little and maybe talk to people. But that's it. Sometimes I make a comment like, "don't let any of those sexy girls steal you away." He just laughs and says no way is that going to happen. Sometimes I get a little jealous, but it's more jealousy that I'm sitting home doing the same old thing day in and day out. He's happy with his family life...I generally don't worry about it too much.

[mommylamb]

I think it depends. My DS goes to clubs sometimes on his own, but it's always because he is there to see whatever band is playing. He's a huge music fan, especially indi music, and music is a big part of his life. We used to go together before DS, but having a LO makes it harder to do that. So, sometimes he still goes but he goes by himself. So, if he were going to see live music, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

I would also understand if he were going to a club with co-workers who wanted to go.

If he were going to a club by himself just to dance with people he didn't know... that I would find bothersome. Or odd at least.

[egoldber]

I would find that weird. Sitting in the bar in the hotel watching a ball game is fine, but going clubbing, not so much. But then again, we're old fuddy duddies anyway.

[Indianamom2]

Honestly, yes it would bother me, but that's not at all the type of relationship DH and I have.

He's a homebody, but we both are happy to agree to not go to places/put ourselves in situations that could cause speculation or discomfort.

In other words, he wouldn't go out on a business dinner alone with a female client or I wouldn't have a close relationship (alone) with a former male friend.

If it bothers you, then it's time to at least discuss the issue, but gently.

[pinkmomagain]

Is he going by himself? Or with coworkers/business associates?
My dh is not the partying type of guy -- he's more the type to go back the room, work his a** off on the computer and/or rent a movie. But he does go out for drinks/dinner with coworkers/associates. I have no problem with this. Clubs by himself? I'd have a problem with...it would be very out of character for him. But you know your own dh best.

[lmh2402]

it would bother me

my DH is a major social butterfly

but we had a few issues with him...ahem...understanding boundaries...during our first year of marriage

so with that in mind, i would not like it at all

i have never been able to 100% get the past stuff out of my mind

[edurnemk]

Does he go alone, or with other buddies from work who travel with him?

Honestly if it was me, and DH was going alone, I would be bothered. It would seem weird to me to go to a club alone. But every marriage is different, so only you know if this is OK for you guys.

[Drag0nflygirl]

I would find that weird. Sitting in the bar in the hotel watching a ball game is fine, but going clubbing, not so much.

Honestly it sets off alarm bells for me.

[cvanbrunt]

Wouldn't bother me. I do this when I go to conferences. I always go to conferences by myself and want to have some fun and not sit around in the hotel. I've always liked going to a bar and hanging out talking and listening to music. It's hard to do that now with kids so I really enjoy it when I get the chance. DH travels way more than I do and he always goes out. Sure, we would rather share the experience with each other but we think it is silly not to see the city. We are also comfortable with opposite sex friends.