Return of adopted Russian boy

[SammyeGail]

I think it's absolutely horrifying. And I have ZERO sympathy or understanding for this woman.

Yes, it can be incredibly difficult, sometimes near impossible, to deal with a truly emotionally damaged child, and a parent, despite the best efforts and intentions, may just not be up to the job. But she did not put forth the best efforts! We don't know if he was truly psychotic because there is no way that SHE knew he was truly psychotic. She did not seek ANY professional help. The child made some alarming statements, which, frankly, is to be expected, and she just washed her hands of him. That's ridiculous.

Even more suspicious, she told the agency when contacted just a few months ago that everything was going wonderfully. She reported no problems whatsoever, and even INQUIRED ABOUT ADOPTING ANOTHER CHILD FROM RUSSIA.

Meanwhile, her mother is making statements aout how the orphanage "lied" to her daughter, and told her the boy was perfect and had no problems. How ridiculous! Are we to feel sympathy for this? For someone being so indescribably ignorant when adopting an older child from a terrible situation. And there is jut NO WAY I am believing that she is the one prospective parent that her agency just forgot to tell about the potential issues. She was warned. She just turned a deaf ear, and is now trying to blame others.

Lastly, the way she handled the situation was indefensible. She could have spught psychological help for the child, or contacted the agency about the fact that she felt the child was a danger in her home. Just putting a kid on a plane with a return label is flat out insane.

My feelings are the same here. We know a couple who adopted 2 children from Russia (both under 2) and started them in EI asap. This has been years ago and both children do have some issues, but the parents seek every resource for those kids, starting from day 1. The second had more when they brought him home, those parents gave everything they could for him, all out of love.

I worked for a non-profit that had an 'Emergency Shelter', where children age birth-18 were placed until things could be worked out with their family, placed with another family member or put in foster care. I saw so many horror stories there. We also had a Girls Home (usually put there by the state), it was a huge house and thats where our offices were, the girls there were 13-18. Sadly there were a few that were beyond or refused help, but it will forever be in my heart the wonderful transformations I saw in many of them. I give much more credit to the loving houseparents than the part-time counselor.

My DH was updating me about this story Sunday, he said the boy had lit so matches in the house and that was the final straw. (I'm going by memory of what he told me, so I could me wrong). Where they live is an hour from Nashville where there are abundant resources/therapy, etc to help this poor boy. Even Murfreesboro is a massive subdivision of N'ville and only 30 min away.

Adopting a 7 year old boy that has been raised in an orphanage and not to expect to have some problems, yes serious, months later, come up is just ignorant. He was still only 7, that so called 'mother' and 'GM' had ample time to intervene and help that poor little boy, he needed it so much, a chance.

[Kymberley]

I beyond disgusted with this woman. Words escape me right now.

[icunurse]

My biggest problem is that, from reports, she didn't seek out help for the child. Even if you haven't bonded yet with the child, you still know in your head that he is your son now and, as a parent, you move heaven and earth to get him the help he needs. Worst case, there are places specifically for disrupted adoptions that work with the child and try to find them a permanent family. I have great difficulty believing that she (being a nurse) couldn't find resources, her agency couldn't/wouldn't help her, or that there just wasn't anywhere to turn. I would imagine that even child services in the US would somehow help since he was on US soil. I also have difficulty believing that if she could find an internet attorney and cab driver, she couldn't find resources to help him.

I know in the education that we received when we were adoptiing, we learned about Fetal Alcohol Effects, which is much more prevalent. Things such as behaviorial issues, difficulty making good decisions, learning disabilities, etc can result from any amount of alcohol use and FAE does not have the facial features/severe mental disabilities of FAS. You can look at a child and not even know, just see him acting out and think he's poorly parented or "only" has ADD. And you don't tend to see the effects until the child is of school age.

Intersting insight - http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/n...,7217155.story

[arivecchi]

The Chicago Tribune had a story a couple of years about about another adopted boy who suffered from attachment disorder. His adoptive parents took him to the Ranch for Kids and never returned for him. I cannot find the Trib story, but it was one of the saddest articles I have ever read.

http://www.ranchforkids.org/

[arivecchi]

Found the Trib article:

http://articles.latimes.com/2008/jan...ion/na-adopt20

[kijip]

I have a number of friends who have adopted from the agency involved, WACAP, and a number of friends who work for WACAP in program and managerial capacities. We have investigated adopting through them as well. They go to great lengths to educate, inform and support new adoptive parents. They have extensive support networks for families who have adopted children and nobody is allowed to adopt without having the financial and insurance resources for complete health services. If she had called with questions about RAD or violence in the home, they would have helped her. This is not some shady, underhanded adoption agency or program. It's one of the best domestic and international adoption agencies in the USA. I understand desperate, who would not feel overwhelmed as a single parent to a likely troubled child, but since she had concerns serious enough to warrant in her mind "returning him" then she had ample time and opportunity to work with WACAP and mental health resources. She should have reached out for help at some point between the fall and now. How crushingly sad for her and the boy that it turned out like this.

[codex57]

I have a number of friends who have adopted from the agency involved, WACAP, and a number of friends who work for WACAP in program and managerial capacities. We have investigated adopting through them as well. They go to great lengths to educate, inform and support new adoptive parents. They have extensive support networks for families who have adopted children and nobody is allowed to adopt without having the financial and insurance resources for complete health services. If she had called with questions about RAD or violence in the home, they would have helped her. This is not some shady, underhanded adoption agency or program. It's one of the best domestic and international adoption agencies in the USA. I understand desperate, who would not feel overwhelmed as a single parent to a likely troubled child, but since she had concerns serious enough to warrant in her mind "returning him" then she had ample time and opportunity to work with WACAP and mental health resources. She should have reached out for help at some point between the fall and now. How crushingly sad for her and the boy that it turned out like this.

So it's confirmed that the agency is legit? Then I really put the blame on the mom and think she shouldn't be allowed to adopt anything. Primarily cuz she's a nurse and either should know and/or has access to a lot of resources through work/colleagues.

[kijip]

So it's confirmed that the agency is legit? Then I really put the blame on the mom and think she shouldn't be allowed to adopt anything. Primarily cuz she's a nurse and either should know and/or has access to a lot of resources through work/colleagues.

I think that sometimes children's issues don't come up till they are on the home. I really don't think it is a matter of blame, what she did was wrong but she was in a situation that few of us can imagine. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation.

This is the agency:

http://www.wacap.org/Default.aspx

This is their response on this issue:

http://www.wacap.org/LinkClick.aspx?...nc%3d&tabid=36

[codex57]

I think that sometimes children's issues don't come up till they are on the home. I really don't think it is a matter of blame, what she did was wrong but she was in a situation that few of us can imagine. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation.

It may be hard to imagine how bad it was, but I can totally believe it was as scary as she says. If it were, say, a secretary or auto mechanic or insurance salesman who this happened to, I could understand more and wouldn't be as upset. But she's a nurse. Aren't all nurses mandatory reporters for abuse? Which means she at least knows there are agencies out there and she can start looking around for help. Shoot, even talking to the adoption agency would have been fine too. She's just inexcusable to me.

[arivecchi]

Another article about the ranch.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/27/us...gewanted=1&hpw