help me word this letter

[HIU8]

DS got into two schools for next year. We are going to one and have to write a formal letter declining the other in order to get a portion of our downpayment back (we sacrifice the application fee). I have never written this type of letter and was hoping for some feedback.

Dear (school director),

thank you for accepting (DS's name) into your Kindergarten program for the 2010-2011 school year. This will be DS's 5th year at the school and we have been very happy with the program. However, (DS's name) was also accepted into another program, and in light of his special needs, we feel X program is a better fit for (DS's name) at this point. Therefore, we are withdrawing DS from the (school name) Kindergarten program for 2010-2011.

We realize that withdrawing after acceptance will mean we forfeit the application fee and a portion of the down payment for next year. It is our understanding that withdrawing between April 1 and June 30, 2010 means that we should receive half of this down payment back. Can you please advise us on this.

Thank you again,

OUR NAMES

[HIU8]

bump. anyone?

[boolady]

I think it sounds fine, except for the "please advise me on this," because if you're entitled to the $$ back, you're entitled to it back. I would change the last sentence to "Therefore, please forward FILL IN THE AMOUNT to me at the above address. Thank you in advance for your cooperation."

[MamaKath]

Never had to write that type of letter, but it sounds good. I would take out the "Can you please advise us" at the end. You already stated your understanding and are giving them room to "correct" your understanding.

[Penny's Pappa]

I think it sounds fine, except for the "please advise me on this," because if you're entitled to the $$ back, you're entitled to it back. I would change the last sentence to "Therefore, please forward FILL IN THE AMOUNT to me at the above address. Thank you in advance for your cooperation."

It's your money and you've gone though all the necessary steps to ensure that you get some of it back. Politely demand its return. I think boolady's version of the last sentence is perfect.

[niccig]

The school will understand why you're leaving.

Did you get into the school that you were hoping for??