DS won't tell me how he hurt his finger

[niccig]

DS (5 yo) was in the garage with me while I was talking to a handyman. He walks over to me from the front of the garage and says he hurt his finger at school - it was a fresh cut and the bruising was getting worse, so it didn't happen at school. After I got ice on it and got him calmed down, I told him I knew it didn't happen at school as it was a fresh boo boo. He then said that he did hurt it at school and he fell in the backyard. I don't believe this as I'm pretty sure he did it just before he told me, and he was in the garage. I asked and he said he was scared to tell me how he hurt it. I told him I wouldn't get upset, so he needed to tell me the truth. He still insisted on hurting it at school and back yard. I asked about it more and then he said it was just in the back yard and then he said he hurt it in the door of the house to the backyard.

By now, I know he didn't do any of these things. I asked if he hurt it on the garage door spring - pretty sure it was this as I had told him earlier to not touch the spring. He said no. I told him I wouldn't get upset about how he hurt his finger, and to come talk to me when he's ready to tell me the truth. I didn't want to get upset over him not telling the truth, as that could make him keep to his lie even more.

His finger is fine. I'm more worried that he won't tell me what happened. He needs to be able to tell me when he's made a mistake and done something he shouldn't. I don't want him to not tell me things because he doesn't want to get in trouble. I try very hard to not yell at him, if he spills something or makes a mistake, I don't get upset. We fix it and move on. He does get timeouts for intentionally doing something like hitting me, and we do Magic 1,2, 3.

So, any advice on how to get him to tell me what happened and to make him realise he needs to tell me the truth, even if it is about him doing something he shouldn't???

[JBaxter]

My guess is he was doing something he shouldnt have and in his 5 yr old mind as long as you dont know exactly what it was he wont get in trouble. ( not that he would be anyway but little minds process things differently)

Give it a break for a few days and out of the blue say.... where was it you hurt your finger again I forgot. It catches them a little off guard and it usually pops out.

** not like something like that has ever happened with my boys.

[hillview]

This happens every once in a while with DS1 (who will be 5 shortly). I usually just give up and let it go.
/hillary

[gatorsmom]

My last response just got lost in cyberspace.

I get concerned too when my kids won't tell me something for whatever reason. So, I can understand where you are coming from.

Have you tried throwing a little humor into the discussion? Even with a little humor my stubborn boy, Cha cha will usually fess up. I imagine our conversation would go like this, "So, tell me again how your finger got hurt? Did you say a fierce dragon attacked you? No? Oh, maybe it was that big alligator that bit you? Well, whatever it was, it looks better. Or, do you think we need to buy you a new finger at Target today?" By that point, Cha Cha is usually giggling and going, " NO MOM!" and then he tells me what happened.

Just a different tactic to try and one that works sometimes around here.

[niccig]

Thanks everyone. I have dropped it, but I'll ask out of the blue in a day or so. Lisa - I like the humor angle. DS would laugh and do the same.

I'm projecting forward to bigger issues like what gmama's son faced at school, and he then told her about what the other boy was saying. Neither my sisters or I told our parents about things that happened to us, even if it wasn't our fault, we knew there would be a big reaction to it. I don't want DS to be scared to tell me things.

[gatorsmom]

I'm projecting forward to bigger issues like what gmama's son faced at school, and he then told her about what the other boy was saying.

I'm trying to prepare for that too. Those potential situations make me nervous already. sigh.

[Raidra]

My boys do this occasionally, too. Weirdly enough, I find that they're more likely to tell me about stuff that would get them in trouble, and when they refuse to tell me, it's over something stupid that I would never think about chastising them for. I don't let it bother me since they do tell me if it's something serious. They usually do give in after several assurances on my part that they won't get in heaps of trouble, and it's always something really minor.

We talk about how secrets are never good (but surprises are okay), that Mommy and Daddy need to know everything that goes on so we can keep them safe. I've told them from time to time that even if something seems like no big deal to them, Mommy and Daddy are grownups and might understand that it might actually be something dangerous that they don't understand about yet. That seems to work pretty well.