Anyone else feel disappointed when pg at same time as family member?

[ourbabygirl]

UPDATE: O.k., so I just found out less than an hour ago that my OTHER SIL is pregnant, too! Last time we had 3 babies within 3 months of one another, and now this fall there will be 3 more babies within a little over 1 MONTH of one another! I'm still in shock but this strangely makes me feel more excited and like it's not such a big deal that I'm not the only one pregnant. I guess the 'specialness' of my pregnancy is way overtaken by the 'specialness' of 3 pregnancies again, and it's crazy but cool! We'll definitely have to get lots of pictures together of our pregnant bellies, because we didn't last time. My poor parents ;-)....


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I know I shouldn't logically feel bad about this, but part of me just needs to vent here because DH doesn't understand and I don't have anyone else to share it with. So thanks for reading/ being here for me!
I found out recently that another family member is pregnant, too, and we're within a couple weeks of one another (this, btw, happened exactly the same way two years ago, but our kids ended up with almost the same birthday)... I'm happy for them, of course, but still feeling a little stunned and disappointed because it kind of takes away from the 'specialness' of my pregnancy. I know that's not the case, but that's how it feels to me, anyhow. It's not like I'm jealous or anything, I just feel kind of bad that it keeps turning out this way and I really don't want our kids (now two kids each) to be compared when they're growing up. I already went down that path with our first kids and I don't want it to be that way again, especially if we both have girls, for example.
Have you dealt with something similar? Is there anything you read or heard to make yourself move on and stop feeling this way?

Thanks for your advice!

[maestramommy]

Well, I've been preggo the same time as my sister for a short stretch (her DS is a few months younger than Arwyn), but I never felt like it took away from my pregnancy. Course this is such an individual thing, I just don't think things like that. But I will say that my parents now have 7 grandkids, all pretty close in age, and there is no way you ever avoid the comparisons, even if they aren't overlapped. People just can't help themselves. So just tell yourself that even if your relative wasn't having a baby until after you gave birth, the comparisons would probably still happen. It's human nature. SIL's girls are years older than mine, and MIL compares them all.the.time.

[belovedgandp]

No I get it. My ILs are completely wacky and we limit our interactions to the bare minimum, but I still had awkward, frustrating moments as my SIL had her first son six weeks after my second was born. Part of that goes to Thanksgiving dinner where she basically shouted "I'm pregnant OK" and stormed out of the room. So much for announcing our pregnancy at that family gathering. We waited until Christmas and I was due the beginning of June.

You just want the best for your kids and people can really be clueless on the comparisons and comments.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

omg i've totally, totally BTDT. don't feel too bad, it's only natural to have these feelings IMO.

in my case, DH & I really wanted kids right away but waited a long time, mainly for financial reasons (finishing school, buying a house, etc). we moved to be closer to DH's family, bought a house and then we wanted to start trying to have kids. i should also note that DH's brother & SIL who live in the same town as my ILs already had 2 schoolaged kids and my ILs were very very close to them, spent all their holidays with them, TOTALLY spoiled them rotten and went to every single play, soccer game what not. while even after we moved closer, DH & I didn't get visited at all because we didn't have kids, and they'd always rather spend the holiday with them. ok, i finally accepted that. I always thought that once we had a baby they would visit more and he would be showered with so much attention (especially since he would be "the baby"). then early last year we found out that SIL (two years younger than me) was preggo with her THIRD kid.i remember i was so upset i cried afterwards, part of it was just being sad that we were going to matter even less much b/c we still didnt' have kids..another part was wondering if it would ever be my turn to have a baby. my DH did NOT get it and was kinda pissed at me for even being upset, which made me even more upset. i know it's dumb, but i had this hopeful idea that FINALLY one day it would be "our turn" to have our baby and he would have all this attention like his cousins enjoyed..and realizing he would never ever get made me very sad. even after i got preggo a few months after, i was still kinda mad that when our baby would be born there would already a be a new baby in the family and ours would just be like an afterthought.

anyway, all i can say after our DS was born, i got over it..i guess i got so smitten with him that other things seem to matter less. but i SO know the feeling, and i don't think you're being silly at all. hugs.

[TwinFoxes]

There is no way you ever avoid the comparisons, even if they aren't overlapped. People just can't help themselves. So just tell yourself that even if your relative wasn't having a baby until after you gave birth, the comparisons would probably still happen.

Yep, I can vouch for this.

I'm not the type to worry about my specialness. It's kind of like brides who get annoyed that someone is getting married in the same year. It's not my issue, but it doesn't make it any less valid to you. So vent away!!!

[wellyes]

I have about 60 cousins, someone is always pregnant here LOL.

But DH's side is much much smaller and DD is the ONLY grandchild. The presents, attention, photos - it's ridiculous. His aunts, his cousins, his grandparents, everyone just spends every holiday cooing over her and watching her. So I get where you are coming from. There is something very special about a new baby or being the only little one underfoot. And I'm sure it's not the same when there are two.

So I think it's OK to be a little disappointed. The huge, enormous UPSIDE is that your new DC will have someone his/her own age to play with at every event and they may even get close growing up. As babies it's nice to be the only one, but I'm sure as they grow up its so much more fun to have a playmate and -- as teens and adults --- a peer/friend.

[JoyNChrist]

Don't feel bad for feeling that way - I think it's a pretty normal thing.

Not the same thing, exactly, but a lady at our very small, close-knit church recently announced that she's expecting triplets, and I was kind of irrationally annoyed. Like me being pregnant with "just two" isn't as special anymore. I realize that's crazy, because everyone is still really happy for us and I wouldn't want the additional stress/worry that comes with having higher order multiples anyway. But in my hormonal state, it definitely got to me.

[JenChem]

I feel your pain. We were ttc and right before we got the positive test my cousin called to announce she was pregnant. Then a few months later my sis called me in tears because she pregnant too. So instead of being alone and special I ended up being in the middle. Now, it's nice because I love that on family gatherings the babies are all close in age. FWIW two other cousins followed up this year with babies and the first cousin is pregnant again. So now DS is part of a whole new generation of the family and that is kind of special.

[hellokitty]

BTDT and I understand how you feel. Two of out my three pregnancies coincided almost EXACTLY with family members (very close EDDs). Both times, the other family member had their baby first (even though my edd was first) and yeah, I did feel that it took away from excitement for the birth of my baby. Plus, for my first pregnancy, in which it took me 2 yrs, plus several m/c's to get pg, the other family member announced her pregnancy first and what happened was that we were going to my parents' house for a holiday and I was going to announce it to them and instead they excitedly tell me about the other family member's pregnancy. So, then I felt like an idiot saying, "Oh yeah, I am pregnant too." And of course, they were so excited about the other member's pregnancy, that they were totally stunned that I was pregnant too. That family member who was pregnant at the same time as me had her baby about a month earlier than her edd and then joked with me that we, 'copied' her (they didn't find out the sex until they had the baby, we did find out and told ppl we were having a boy), since we had a boy too. To add more insult to injury, it didn't help that I have 3 boys, so with DS2 and DS3 there was the additional lack of excitement that I was having another boy again and not a girl and with my 3rd pregnancy shared with another family member I was scared to death she would get the coveted girl and it would be a double whammy. Sounds awful, but I was relieved she had a boy too, but she wanted a boy, so I guess it all worked out. Now I'm finished having kids, but I dread when another family member has a girl (so far all boys on my side), b/c it will be a really, really big deal and just open up raw wounds I have over the fact that I never got my girl.

[elektra]

I haven't known any different either. Two of my SIL's and I have been pregnant at the same time each time. Round 1 is 3 girls all within 4 months of each other, and then round 2 are also within 4 months of each other. I secretly do feel kind of happy that DS is a boy because all the other kids are girls, so I think I get it.
That being said, I feel really happy for my kids that they have cousins to grow up with.