"Relations" with DH?

[catpagmo]

Anyway, what I wanted to post is that I once heard Oprah's sex guru, Dr. Laura Berman, say that couples should never go longer than two weeks without sex.

Hmmm, I wonder why? Hopefully, DH and I aren't doomed or anything!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'm VERY impressed by all of you able to do it more than 1/week. How do you find the energy? Where do you get that kind of sex drive? I want some of whatever you're having!

Lots of energy first thing in the morning. So when it is getting critical in our house on this front we do it real quick in the morning.


Re. AF- I am game for it but it is too messy for us.

Beth

[calv]

something about the AF factor is just ewwww.

ETA: And according to Dr. Oz it adds years to your life. honestly as simple as it sounds, it's dh and MY time. AKA, very intimate time together. i get to be a sexy wife and get away from being the every day mom

[Elilly]

I am way more likely to get a UTI with sex when AF is here. So, we abstain. That plus, AF hinders most of the foreplay that I enjoy

[maylips]

Hmmm, I wonder why? Hopefully, DH and I aren't doomed or anything!

She said that you start getting into "roommate" mode rather than husband/wife mode. She said it doesn't make that bad, just that it takes away a critical aspect of what a marriage is. She did clarify that there are times in your life when it's very difficult (i.e. new baby, etc) but she said couples should STRIVE for that. Those of you who are beating the rest of us by 1-2 more PER WEEK clearly don't have to work towards that goal like others of us.

[SammyeGail]

Hmm...I am wondering about this, how do you not make a mess, lol?!

Well, I don't like to during AF, but taking B/C makes a very, very light flow, just some spotting. If you're all wound up and really want to do it, you grab and lay out a towel and it usually catches everything. No playing around down there during AF. I can't believe I typing this! DH and I did have 8 years of marriage before the twins were born .

That was before DH and I ran into some severe marriage problems about 2 years ago, he didn't have a problem with it but I found a problem being intimate with someone who was verbally taking out all their work frustrations on me.

Things are better between us in the last few months, so much better! Unfortunately my thyroid and adrenal gland disorder has caused chronic fatigue which interferes . Also the boys, as much as we've tried, do not go to bed at 8:30-9:00, they will still be up at 10:30! Plus they want to be around us all the time. They wake up around 7AM, if they do go to bed early one will wake up at 5AM, not fun for mommy when I've stayed up late doing stuff around the house.

So currently it is about 2-3 times a month. Before, when things were bad between us, I just couldn't do it, it would be 2.5-3 months. When we are 'together' I realize we are alot closer, when its been a while we have issues. I build a wall up around myself, DH gets frustrated easy. He's very grouchy.

If I keep DH happy, which I don't mind, its great when we have time, lol, he's a wonderful, helpful, supportive husband and father.

If not, he gets very grouchy and antsy!

I really wish DH would fix the doors/frames, they were hung during the winter, when summer came the wood on the frames expanded, thus the only 2 doors that don't close properly are the master bedroom and the 3rd bedroom. Sigh....

I think every marriage is different. Each person is different. If I had a DH that didn't have such a strong sex drive I think I could easily fall into the 'roommate' mode.

[JMS]

As many other PPs have pointed out, this is highly individual. I think what's more important than 'how often' is that you and your DH are on the same page about the frequency. I love sex. I see it as one of the many wonderful things about marriage. I feel better about myself (it's a stress relief) and about my marriage when we have sex. Sometimes life gets crazy and time gets away from us and we go longer without sex than I would like, but we get back on track and I feel renewed. JMO.

[Kymberley]

Well, this is embarassing but honest...

I don't think I'm the norm, but we haven't had relations in such a long time. It'll be 2 years in June. DH and I are having a hard time adjusting to two kids, I guess. We are both tired, and I think I had undiagnosed ppd. Also, I was nursing for what felt like all day up until DS was about 12 months old. Now he's only nursing 2 times a day, and my drive is coming back. It's been so long that I can't even remember the last time DH made any kind of advance. We haven't been seeing eye-to eye on lots of things lately, so it will probably be a while longer.

We went for a long time after DD was born also, so I'm sure we'll do it again someday. Honestly, it's not much of a priority for me right now, but I do worry about it from time to time.

It's been since January 2009 for us. You're post sounds exactly like us too. *sigh* Thank you for sharing, even if it was hard. You gave me the courage to post.

[lmh2402]

i lost my sex drive for some unknown reason around the age of 25. honestly. i have no idea what happened. but i was drive-less when DH met me.

i've talked with my therapist about it. i stopped bc prior to even wanting to conceive with hopes that it would bring my drive back. it has not.

so pre-baby, sex was a struggle for me. now with G, and lack of sleep, and pain (i had some pretty significant tearing that did not heal properly...have been going to PT)...we are averaging about 2-3 times a quarter.

DH is super supportive, but i just can't bear it more than that.

[wellyes]

She said that you start getting into "roommate" mode rather than husband/wife mode. She said it doesn't make that bad, just that it takes away a critical aspect of what a marriage is. She did clarify that there are times in your life when it's very difficult (i.e. new baby, etc) but she said couples should STRIVE for that.

I'm surprised by that. I mean, I get where she's coming from, and I have BTDT about getting into roommate mode. But still I feel that that kind of generalization inevitably leads to "of course the purpose of marriage is family / having a child together" which is an incredibly hurtful thing to say in many contexts.