Went to an interesting lecture that reported on public perceptions of SAHMs

[sste]

So, I have long been bewildered, even shocked, by the level of angst in the sahm v. wohm threads and also the tendency of some to be very, very (very) sensitive and read any remotely ambigious comment as a slight against SAHMs.

However, no more! I went to lecture last week that reported research that, on average, people rated SAHMs as having similar mental competence to the elderly, ill, and mentally ill!! This was shocking to me. I had always thought that some sahms were being much too sensitive and of course no sensible person would judge competency and intelligence based on whether you sah or woh - - esp. given the high numbers that do both across their childraising years. But, alas that is wrong.

Anyway, I now see much more clearly why this is such a hot-button issue. This site is a nice exception where I think people generally do not stereotype . . . but in the wider world sahms are sorely lacking the respect they deserve.

[JTsMom]

Shocking and sad.

[wellyes]

SAHMs tend to be at the extreme ends of the income spectrum. Poor women and rich women. I'm guessing perceptions like the ones you describe have more to do with class than job status.

[Green_Tea]

SAHMs tend to be at the extreme ends of the income spectrum. Poor women and rich women. I'm guessing perceptions like the ones you describe have more to do with class than job status.

I agree. In my neck of the woods, you cannot afford to stay at home unless your partner brings in a fairly hefty salary. Staying at home is largely viewed as a privilege of the more wealthy, and the more wealthy are typically more educated. Almost all of my SAH friends have advanced degrees.

Disturbing nonetheless.

[sste]

I guess my impression was that the bulk of the sahm population was middle and upper-income (obviously some extremely poor but I think (?) statistically a small percentage).

If the competency issue was tied to being upper class or wealthy rather than sah per se then why aren't wealthy, upper-class men or women who work out of the home considered equally mentally feeble? My impression is that the opposite is true for upper-class people that work out of the home . . .

[mommylamb]

SAHMs tend to be at the extreme ends of the income spectrum. Poor women and rich women. I'm guessing perceptions like the ones you describe have more to do with class than job status.

I also think it's a general sexism thing too, as you can't win for losing in the mommy business. People look down at SAHMs and think they're somehow deficient, but people also look down at WOHMs and think they're not sacrificing enough for their kids/lesser parents. Either way, men rarely get judged the way women do.

ETA: I know I'm one of the WOHMs that sometimes is overly sensitive about things people say, on these boards or elsewhere. I just hate when people imply that my kid is getting less than theirs because I work, or that someone else is raising my child.

[zoestargrove]

I think it's even harsher for SAHDs sadly.

[citymama]

The stereotypes are shocking.

We need to just let people - esp. fellow moms and dads - make their own decisions about what's best for them and their families and stop judging, rating and stereotyping them. As long as the individuals involved (kids and parents) are doing OK and making these choices voluntarily, hands off our parenting choices, please.

[Moneypenny]

I think it's even harsher for SAHDs sadly.

Yes, it's very hard for SAHDs, too. DH is a SAHD and is part of a very active local SAHDs group. It's shocking the things people to say to them, mostly revolving around the perception that they must be completely incompetent and, therefore, can't hold down a job even if they want to, or that they are pedophiles.

[sste]

Yes, dads too.

I should clarify that if memory serves I think the lecturer said the studies were on sahps (gender neutral). In fact, the central point of the lecture was about how the recession has very much upset gender stereotypes because men have been born the brunt of unemployment based on the industries they are in.

The way the ratings worked was that they asked separately how would you in the abstract rate an elderly person, a sahp, someone with a handicap, etc. And then they figured out averages or medians for each category and the sahps were rated quite closely to the ill, elderly, etc.

Although not discussed, I would guess that this affects people that don't know you - - so in other words stereotypes "fill in" in low-information situations. The lecturer was interested in how this affected people in re-employment or when making the transition from sahp to woh.

ETA: Uh, now that I think about it I hope sharing this hasn't made anyone feel worse. I thought of it as validating of people's feelings of being judged. . . but as my DH will tell you, my "EQ" is rather frighteningly low!!