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  1. #1
    sste is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default Went to an interesting lecture that reported on public perceptions of SAHMs

    So, I have long been bewildered, even shocked, by the level of angst in the sahm v. wohm threads and also the tendency of some to be very, very (very) sensitive and read any remotely ambigious comment as a slight against SAHMs.

    However, no more! I went to lecture last week that reported research that, on average, people rated SAHMs as having similar mental competence to the elderly, ill, and mentally ill!! This was shocking to me. I had always thought that some sahms were being much too sensitive and of course no sensible person would judge competency and intelligence based on whether you sah or woh - - esp. given the high numbers that do both across their childraising years. But, alas that is wrong.

    Anyway, I now see much more clearly why this is such a hot-button issue. This site is a nice exception where I think people generally do not stereotype . . . but in the wider world sahms are sorely lacking the respect they deserve.
    ds 2007
    dd 2010
    baby dd 2014

  2. #2
    JTsMom is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Shocking and sad.
    Lori
    Mom to Jason 05/05
    and Zachary 05/10

  3. #3
    wellyes's Avatar
    wellyes is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    SAHMs tend to be at the extreme ends of the income spectrum. Poor women and rich women. I'm guessing perceptions like the ones you describe have more to do with class than job status.
    DD - 8
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    Quote Originally Posted by wellyes View Post
    SAHMs tend to be at the extreme ends of the income spectrum. Poor women and rich women. I'm guessing perceptions like the ones you describe have more to do with class than job status.
    I agree. In my neck of the woods, you cannot afford to stay at home unless your partner brings in a fairly hefty salary. Staying at home is largely viewed as a privilege of the more wealthy, and the more wealthy are typically more educated. Almost all of my SAH friends have advanced degrees.

    Disturbing nonetheless.
    Green Tea, mom to three

  5. #5
    sste is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I guess my impression was that the bulk of the sahm population was middle and upper-income (obviously some extremely poor but I think (?) statistically a small percentage).

    If the competency issue was tied to being upper class or wealthy rather than sah per se then why aren't wealthy, upper-class men or women who work out of the home considered equally mentally feeble? My impression is that the opposite is true for upper-class people that work out of the home . . .
    Last edited by sste; 04-28-2010 at 01:16 PM.
    ds 2007
    dd 2010
    baby dd 2014

  6. #6
    mommylamb's Avatar
    mommylamb is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by wellyes View Post
    SAHMs tend to be at the extreme ends of the income spectrum. Poor women and rich women. I'm guessing perceptions like the ones you describe have more to do with class than job status.
    I also think it's a general sexism thing too, as you can't win for losing in the mommy business. People look down at SAHMs and think they're somehow deficient, but people also look down at WOHMs and think they're not sacrificing enough for their kids/lesser parents. Either way, men rarely get judged the way women do.

    ETA: I know I'm one of the WOHMs that sometimes is overly sensitive about things people say, on these boards or elsewhere. I just hate when people imply that my kid is getting less than theirs because I work, or that someone else is raising my child.

  7. #7
    ♥ms.pacman♥ is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by wellyes View Post
    SAHMs tend to be at the extreme ends of the income spectrum. Poor women and rich women. I'm guessing perceptions like the ones you describe have more to do with class than job status.


    Quote Originally Posted by mommylamb View Post
    I also think it's a general sexism thing too, as you can't win for losing in the mommy business. People look down at SAHMs and think they're somehow deficient, but people also look down at WOHMs and think they're not sacrificing enough for their kids/lesser parents. Either way, men rarely get judged the way women do.

    ETA: I know I'm one of the WOHMs that sometimes is overly sensitive about things people say, on these boards or elsewhere. I just hate when people imply that my kid is getting less than theirs because I work, or that someone else is raising my child.
    omg SO TRUE. when a man has kids, the fact that he works outside the home is NEVER an issue. what kind of food his baby eats is NEVER an issue. WHY is that? where as if you're a woman, it's always: are you breastfeeding? why not? are you staying at home with your child? why not? are you feeding solids yet? why/why not? did you know that xxx study shows that (insert something here) is better for kids than (insert alternative)?". Ugh. i agree, as a mom if often seems like you just can't win because you are constantly being judged. what's sad though is that usually it's other mothers that are doing the judging.
    Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 04-28-2010 at 01:23 PM.

  8. #8
    niccig is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    I agree that perceptions vary. In our circle of friends, we have many SAHMs. We're all college educated, some with graduate degrees. One friend studied feminist studies in undergraduate at Harvard and a professional Masters from USC - we were working talking about why we SAHM and as she said it was a practical consideration. One spouse earns more and their work is more demanding. There's a couple of SAHD at DS's school, and they stayed home for the same practical reasons. My DH would have stayed at home if I earned more, but I don't.

    I haven't run into the SAHM = mental compentent as a mentally ill person, as the SAHM are equally educated as their DH or more educated.

    I have run into people without kids at adult parties, who think you'll only talk about your kids. That's not the case with me, but if they think that, their loss. Plenty of other people to talk to.

    I do still have an issue when I'm filling out a form that says "occupation?" I do not like to put Homemaker or SAHM, as I know some people do undervalue it. That's my issue.
    Last edited by niccig; 04-28-2010 at 01:23 PM.

  9. #9
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    I think it's even harsher for SAHDs sadly.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by mommylamb View Post
    I also think it's a general sexism thing too, as you can't win for losing in the mommy business. People look down at SAHMs and think they're somehow deficient, but people also look down at WOHMs and think they're not sacrificing enough for their kids/lesser parents. Either way, men rarely get judged the way women do.
    It is really frustrating, but society is not going to give us a break either way. You just have to do your best & make the most out of whatever situation you're in and have the confidence to feel good about the choices you've made for yourself and your family.
    Mom to DD - my thriving preemie - Jan 2009

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